New me

Thanks Julie and well done on 40. Thirty days behind long May that stat continue, means were both doing ok.

Interesting just read through a few diaries, each valid and all with great advice. Same problems for a lot chasing money they have lost, wondering how to stop the addiction, looking for help from virtual strangers. It works reading other peoples diaries because you know you are not going mad on your own!!

The best advice for me though is to try to identify why?? We do what we do!

With that in mind, I am posting I will not gamble, because !!! I don't want to! I can't afford to! I have better things to do with my time and my money!

Currently reading lee child's latest book , so much more entertaining than gambling. Rambling I know but I think I am having some of the fuzz lifted! 11 days not gambling not going to either!

Day 12 going to m@s to get a new top for Xmas doo. Looking forward to going into town but only taking enough cash to pay for the meal and a couple of drinks. Day 12 no gambling x

Day 13 no gambling. Looking forward to tomorrow night out, ages since I bothered having a social night out with friends ( years in fact) bit nervous but feeling stronger every day.

Day 14 no gambling . Just out of bed following night shift. Shower slap on and a Xmas doo to look forward, but therapy first reading the diaries. Got complacent once no intention of doing it again, have withdrawn enough money for what I need this weekend and left my bank card at work. Intend to make this part of what I do. Happy Xmas everyone x

Day 16 no gambling. Have to be honest miss the routine of going there . I realise fully that I need to battle on and change my routines. Have started reading again which I enjoy and used to do loads of before I started gambling. Into lee child jack reacher books at the moment. Setting my self different targets.

Target 1 get through December without a gamble will be first calendar month in years.

Target 2 get through first month of new year, will be a great way to start off.

Target 3 get through to my birthday in March which is when it all started with my first trip to bingo 4 years ago.

That way I will know I am well on my way.

For now though concentrating on target number 1 x

Thanks Julie support is really appreciated. It's nice to know someone is out there rooting for you.

Day 17 and feeling good, cannot imagine ever going back to gambling having had to re jig my finances again following last set back. That said I have been here before so I am determined not to get complacent.

Whenever I think of gambling now, I just think of how much I have to get through the month and it's a no brainier, just can't afford it. I bought a couple of tops from marks yes as I went out to a Christmas doo on Friday. Really enjoyed my night out with nice people. My financial position is making me think, do I take the tops back?

There is part of me that can't relax, because I feel like a fraud. People actually look up to me for what I have achieved in my career, they don't know that I have squandered thousands on a selfish self destruct episode that lasted 4 years to date and has wiped out half a lifetimes savings as well as built up ridiculous debts.

Anyway I am keeping the the tops as I have to allow myself some clothes and occasionally fel good about myself. I treat my daughter to a load of stuff too , it's Christmas after all.

Not gambling today or tomorrow x

strange

fella great to see your resolve to abstian is growing and a huge well done for sharing your experience with others on the forum, it will help you in your own fight.

Regards the tops, you are right to keep them, you are doing something to be proud of.

The honourable Smiler wrote on my thread the first day I came here

BE KIND TO YOURSELF

that felt selfish at the time, the mountain of debt I had gifted myself and my family, I felt I should be beating my self up.

But he was right fella, gambling beat us all up, it used to make me feel I could only have things if I won them, that just led to some ridiculus purchases.

Go to the shop for milk, come back without any and maxed the daily withdraw on my card!!

Today I have a belief, that comes through abstinence

The gift that will keep giving.

Fella keep doing what you are doing

Be proud

Duncs stepping forward never back

Thanks dunces and Julie really appreciate your posts. Day 18 and again not gonna gamble today or tomorrow. I am really feeling good at the moment, but still having moments of panic re what if I lose my job what if I get sick! Well I have to put those thoughts in a box for now because I would go mad. I am living in the present and planning for the future. Upwards and onwards.

Good luck everyone on this site keep fighting xxx

Hi strange

Those feelings I think we all get and that's the taste gambling leaves us with knocks all our self esteem and confidence, in time it will fade, keep getting that vital support and here's the best place for it

We all understand

Castle2

Thanks Julie.

Day 19 never felt stronger, deposit made for a week in the cheddar gorge for summer hols. Also looking to go to Florida next Christmas. In order to do this I cannot gamble so committing to these hols for the family as well as paying off my debts.

I look to this site for continuos inspiration and get it every time I read these diaries. Thank you gamcare and everyone who contributes x

Well done Strange. Keep fighting the good fight. Make aims. Look to the future. I appreciate your post on my thread. I can so clearly remember being where you are now and I imagined where I wanted to be a year later...and here I am. You can do it. Be strong and be patient. DB

Thank you Julie dig gory and Duncan Mac. I feel that every day I read your posts nod others I get more and more determined to keep going to put a stop to this game. Congratulations dig gory fantastic achievement and so inspiring you are a legend.

For me it's day 20 no mean feat, but still need to get through one target at a time. Happy to feel this inspired, angry with myself to get here in the first place, but fighting to make sure it doesn't control me !

I am in control of my own destiny and this does not include giving my money away of wasting precious time away from my family!

Hi strange,

Great post full of determination!! Well done and be proud.keep making the right choice daily, time will pass as well as urges will ease off with time too. Anything is possible if you set your heart to it.

Keep fighting the good fight. you deserve much more better in life, just get out there and grab it...you will not find it in front of the money eating machine..

Take care and keep on keeping on!!

Sandra x

Strange

Fella I salute you.

You are making the right choice, my advice my friend ENJOY IT

Recovery is the gift that we give ourselves and it will never stop giving.

Well done

Duncs stepping forward never back.