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Hope you’re ok j. Chin up. Keep the faith.

Things have been getting more serious with a girl I've been talking to for a while. She knows my issues and I don't want a relationship yet because of that, but the company is nice. I think it's good for my mental health

Hi jneedshelp,

Sorry youve taken offence to ODAATS comments. I cant see anything in his post that isnt true. Also as a CG himself i cant seeing him getting off on seeing someone at their worst. Keep an open mind for a CG sometimes hearing the truth can be a bitter pill to swallow. To be honest im also curious as to how you found the money to gamble if your dad was holding your cards unless they were already registered with online sites. If thats the case ,you can remember the 3 digit security code on the back of the card, and youre within your credit limit it doesnt matter who has your cards you can still make deposits online..Have you self excluded ?.

Good Luck In Your Recovery

AL

I haven't logged in for a long time. I made it to 148 days, almost 149. Then I relapsed, spent £30 in a slot machine. I'm devastated and the girl I mentioned before is so angry. It wasn't a lot of money, I'm lucky the sobriety meant I could afford not having it. But I'm still so upset, I let everyone down. I called in sick today. I hope I feel better tomorrow

After 36 days I spent £25 I didn't really have. A year ago I would have spent hundreds, without any of these month+ breaks, but then I had more access to credit back then...Not sure this is progress

I've been avoiding this thread for a long time. I don't really remember much about when I was writing in here before, but I remember how stressed I felt and how tight my chest was, how panicked I was, taking days off sick to lay in bed and moan about how hard my life is.

I've had a couple stints of GF since I last posted. I made it to January when I got myself removed from SENSE. I had one good night out, won a bit, until 7am. Then at 8am I walked into another casino, lost everything and got myself put back on SENSE. I can never win playing these games. I'm 108 days free now, the urges were gone for a while, but I see July 4th approaching and worry a lot. I finally have the movie to move back out of the folks place, I was meant to be here 6 months and was here 3 years. Despite all the relapses I did bring my debts down from over 60k to more like 10, most of my big payments are gone and its just credit cards.

I wasted 5 years of my life working hard to try and outearn my addiction, manic episodes trying to get promotions, now that I'm actually GF it feels like I've won the lottery, I track my finances with meticulous spreadsheets. In March I had barely anything to spend on myself, now I have savings and more money than I need to survive coming in. For the first time in nearly 26 years of being alive I'm not in complete poverty (albeit a lot of it self inflicted). I have so much less brain fog. I hope I remember this clarity. I always said I'd buy a rolex "when I win big", if I'm GF I can get myself the very bottom level one for Christmas. I'm still very worried about July 4th though, I hope that passes. 

123 days 🙂

Posted by: @Anonymous

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New diaries, new payment plans, best intentions are all worthless when it comes to addiction...Not sure how you managed to relapse with your dad holding your cards but you need to shut that door & stop thinking this is a financial problem!

I spent years convincing myself that getting straight was all I needed to do but that was rubbish...Everytime I got straight, I ran up more debt. Since stopping gambling I have struggled to firstly recognise my emotions & then secondly to deal with them but today I don’t risk my life on the spin of a reel because I have accepted that I cannot just try harder, I needed help! I need help most days, some days I won’t ask for it & I lie in bed feeling sorry for myself but even on those days I know my bills are being paid because I don’t gamble anymore...I can’t win because I can’t stop.

Gambling is never going to make you love you, you need help & support from counsellors and/ therapy/12 Step groups to do that & when you can look yourself in the eye & be happy with what you see, you won’t need to chase the false high of addiction any longer.

With actions, not words, addiction can be arrested - ODAAT