Hi Everyone
I've been gambling for 11 years now and in that time, the longest I have been in 18 months. Looking back at that, I don't know how I did it.
I've gambled on everything and in all forms. In the 18 months I managed to pay back all my gambling debt. That was over a year ago. I've now got around 2k in debt that I shouldn't have.
Last week I was 6 weeks in to recovery when I decided to take advantage of a 'free' £5 sign up bonus for a poker site. This became £50 and so I tried to withdraw it. Thinking I was £50 up, I took £50 in to an arcade and went on the £500 slots machines and somehow won the jackpot. I gambed this away in less than two days and have been depositing more and more each day.
Slots are my main addiction at the moment, online or bookies I just can't seem to get away from them.
I happened to be away with my wife during this time and was gambling in the same room as her without her knowing. This makes me feel sick to write as she is the best thing that happened to me. She knows of my gambling past but thinks i've got it under control now. I've contimplated telling her but she has recently lost her father and I cannot put this extra stress on her now.
The money is not the only issue. Its the person it makes me become. I don't want to do anything when I'm gambling and can't wait for my wife to leave so I can gamble. It's disgusting and I hate that about me. When I stop though, I revert back quite quickly in to being me again. The problem is weeks down the line when I convince myself I'm okay again.
I don't want this is my life anymore, I want to be me again.
So here is my big attempt to change my life for the better and not gamble all through 2017 and beyond.
Self excluded all my accounts, of which there are little left as I've opened hundreds of accounts! blocking software on laptop.
Thanks for reading
James
What about the last few weeks of 2016?
"Between one thousand yesterday's and one million tomorrow's there is today. Make the best of it."
CW
Stopping gambling was never enough for me. Like you I stopped for 18 months, paid debts off etc but still felt the need to return. I got this from facebook and alot of them time you can throw this kinda thing in the bin but there is truth to it, at least to me and my situation.
If you want 2017 to be your year; don't sit on the couch & wait for it. Go out. Make a change. Smile more. Be excited. Do new Things. Throw away what you've been cluttering. Unfollow negative people on social media. Go to bed early. Wake up early. Be fierce. Dont' gossip. Show more gratitude. Do things that challenge you. Be brave.
How about we make our lifes so good that gambling doesn't seem worth entertaining for one more second of our precious time.
Gamblerjames, CW has a good good point: why not start today? Why leave it a few more weeks, why give yourself a couple more weeks of misery. And robf's post to you is brilliant; my goodness we all want to help you help yourself 🙂 !
Hi Mixer, CW and Rob
Thank you so much for the posts! I love the quote Rob, as with most of us on here my addictive personality doesn't just fall victim of gambling and need to apply more self control to everything I do. I use my phone all the time and am trying to cut down on using it and exercise more. 2017 could be a good year, its what we make of it!
I am abstaining from gambling from now, the title is probaby not the best choice but I do not intend on gambling at all from this point onwards. In previous efforts, I have allowed myself to gamble on lottery, scratch cards etc but this then leads to pub fruit machines, the bookies then online ...... So NO GAMBLING IN ANY FORM for me.
I watched my Father in Law pass away to cancer this year and what he would have done for more time. I've concentrated so much on the financial devestation of gambling but the bigger picture involves a lot more heavy losses.
CW your quote sums this up the best, really like that!
Onwards and upwards, today I will not gamble. Going to bury myself on the bike before tonights night shift.
Thanks again
James
Day 9
Had some real strong urges to get in to more debt to gamble over the last couple of days and somehow managed to stay strong. All I wanted to do was get hold of a couple of hundred quid and get on some online slots.
When I actually stopped and thought about the consequences of this, I finally convinced myself that it was a terrible idea to gamble! I'm already working every single day over Christmas to pay off gambling debts. I've only got New years Eve off between now and the 6th Jan! I thought about how my Christmas has been ruined through gambling already and don't want this happening next year.
Thinking through this urge has really helped me understand that time and rationally thinking through the consequences can overturn even a really strong urge to gamble.
Onwards and Upwards,
James
Day 13
Plenty of urges but managed them okay. Worked a stupid amount of hours hardly seen my family this Christmas and absolutely shattered just to make in roads in to repaying gambling debts! I'm falling asleep writing this!
Onwards and upwards, everyday not gambling is a good day!
Thanks for reading
James
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