Ok here i go!

Blownitagaib wrote:

Yeah know all the points are 100 percent valid! But unfortunalty just not thinking that way 100% yet enough to keep me outta bookys tho!

Yes you are blown....You haven't been in the bookies 🙂

The days will add up....Your finances WILL get better....Might take some time but will be worth it...You get your life back!

Going back into bookies will only ever make things worse... and worse.... and worse.....

You're doing great....Keep doing what you're doing...Keep posting.

M x

Funny thing is I found a tenna today and really made a difference. Then remembered the 20 after 20 after 20 iv wedged into a fobt like they weren't good for owt else! Really crazy how your head works when your sat in front of one !

End of day 10

Negatives to date

Looks like iv lost my pal

Still thinking bout going to bookies

Still poor

Still got a mountain of debt

That poor I ran out of fuel earlier and had to not only as a pal to come with some fuel but also if he wouldn't mind payin for fuel as iv genuinly not a bean to my name!

Positives

Whilst being out of fuel in freezing cold for a hour read forum not stop and genuinly feel more positive

Found a tenna but took my daughter out for t with it ran outta fuel on way home lol so maybe not a great use of funds shoulda put it in diesel but more fun and more important

Ok day 11 (morning)

Really quite difficult to be constructive when in such a hole, it's like trying to build a house with no bricks!

I really hate and detest the fact iv lost every thing plus much more through bookies and I genuinly think that will keep me away from bookies alone. I read a lot on here probably far too much, a lot of diarys and a lot of friends and family posts, I genuinly think you have to go past rock bottom and straight through into a hole, then you just freefall deeper and deeper until gamberling has sucked every last thing away from you that makes you you. Then you get that choice feel lower then anything or anybody , or try fix it.

Trying to fix it is defiantly the hardest option as it means you have to snap out of the self pity and actually confront the massive problems you've created.

The friends and family side of the forum I find hardest to read as in my opinion I don't think there's a excuse for how some people behave i feel like utter s**t most of time but yet iv not hurt any one. This may be because I don't really have any one to hurt, I just read them and it genuinly gets to me it fuels me just that little bit more not to go to bookies.

I look at bookies as being drug dealers now, except in my eyes a drug dealer has more about them, as if they get caught they get jail. Where as a bookies can just keep taking and taking and smiling away. Again another reason to stay away!

I do a lot of reading on the internet read a article that 1 in 5 problem gamblers end there life's, which is higher then a drug user

Unlike weed coke alchohol herion etc, where as you can take too Much of any of them your body will tell you you've had enough your end up puking being I'll end up in hospital might die.

Gamberling doesn't have that you can keep going and going and going until the thought of the pain of dieing is not as bad as the pain your going through.

There was a story in paper yesterday about a middle class lad who'd won a scholarship at a top accountants in London, he led two life's the happy life of party lad and the secret gambler, he ended his life by jumping out of his office block. Early 20s and that!!

My anger being if a close member of your friends or family died of a od you'd want to wrap your hands around the dealers neck and squeeze life out of them. But yet a bookies can get away with it, they can even advertise on tele that seems like every other advert, there's 5 in my local (small) town alone, anyone can access them on there tele phone computer.

I do really well at falling out with people I won't make up with some one if they've upset me I'll just never talk to them again and not even worry about it. Gamberling has taken every last thing from me worse then any mate by far has ever done.

So gamberling don't call text invite me round yours cause I'm done your a dirty memory that stole everything off me and gets to do it legally.

We are done.

Ok so sat down today and worked out what I owe really wish i hadn't.

It's a figure that iv more chance of plating fog then being able to get hold off.

Including what iv sold to fund my addiction. It's in 5 figures in 8 month so I may as well say Im going to be the next Priminister because there's just as much chance. Never ever thought that it was that much but impending deadlines meant iv had to work out what I owe.

Feel just as low as I did at beggining

Hey pal, I'm new to this. I feel for you. I'very not long since done the same.

I got in touch with stepchange today.

They have online chat, email chat or phone. Maybe worth giving them a call and having a chat.

They have given me an idea and a few options to clear my just over 50k debt.

Take it easy. Don't add to it and it will slowly get paid off.

Day 12.

Been into town this morning to get some bits, walked down bookie boulevard twice, all honesty did have a urge to Walk in. Flattened instantly by my head and walked straight past. I have to look in windows and every fobt had some one on it, all looking glum as the soul destroying machine was taking there money and hope,

Iv predicided every 2 week away from bookies I'm treating my self wether it be taking the dog up to dales for a nice walk or just doing something different. Can't cost owt as I have nowt but just something!.

End of day 12

Managed to make 100 quid, come home had a read on how to do a cv, as even if i wanted to work at mcds apparently I need one:

Got to second line got frustrated through it away. Hate reading and writing, now my heads in "come on your P****d off that's go bookies"

As before any think that annoyed me got me too bookies.

So sat on bed light out staring at tele with my complementary youwont go to bookies have a massive headache be un approachable and want to pull some ones head off mood.

I'll get over it though!

Come on Blown...get on with that cv....is there anyone who could help you with it? Well done on not going to bookies....it wouldn't help....you are doing great. Missed you on chat tonight.

You will get over it Blown and you'll feel a helluva lot better than if you had went!

Just one day 🙂

Mari x

Just not for me tonight unfortunately I know I'm a a*****e when I'm in a bad mood I don't mean to be just am. So wouldn't have said much I'd had off come in,

I am proud of my Sen for being 13 days in because as you know it's not bloody easy like really not think quitting smoking would be easier, rephrase that I know it would be!

I'll do this I know I will. It's the aftermath I'm struggerling with I hit rock bottom a few years ago luckily I had a mate that was nothing but a brother to me. And I smashed building my self back up. This time I'm on my own with it

I won't gamble again I refuse

I know we are only part of the cyber world Blown, but we are on your side. Hadn't seen you or SC around yesterday, so had to pop a post on both your diaries, just to make sure you were ok. I'm so wanting you to get your life back on track, for you and your little un. One day at a time, you can do it again x

Hows it going my man! hopefully you are getting there I have had a few bad days, one that sticks right in my mind I think I have cracked it now rebuilding here I come.

Rhoda you guys on here are a massive part of why I'm not going to go back to bookies, I genuinly know Iv gone past rock bottom and that's it I'm not going back yes the temptation is there and yeah I still get horrible headaches!

But I know I can bob on here and feel a bit better because there's people that are doing it and not backing down to bookies, I have to respect that because there's nothing else I'd back down too so why is bookies so speacil! And you guys asking how i am makes me feel not as low!

Malkie don't back down mate I'm not going to lie to you and say it gets easier because for me it hasn't. BUT I'm no longer going to bookies and making my life worse to make the scamming horrible fat cat bookies richer balls to them they've enough money and destroy enough life's, ours will not be one of them

Very true, Keep up the good work and winning as tough as it is has to be better than wakening up skint every day, I am with you Stay clear