Like so many other people I have finally decided enough is enough. I have wasted so much time and money. I have lived a deceitful double life. I have lost sense of the value of money and am on the verge of destroying my life and more tragically those whom I love. I have tried using sheer will power and an appeal to my own sense of shame and morality and I now realise that my level of addiction is so strong and entrenched that more is needed. I have self excluded from all bookies in my city and surrounding area for at least 20 miles(a time consuming but good thing), I have done a similar thing with casinos(both online and real) and also with online sports bookies. I have given myself only limited access to money and have vowed to fill my time with as much work and constructive activity as possible and to avoid triggers. I figure with no opportunity, no money and no temptation I am putting the odds on my side for once. There are so many sad stories here and the details of mine are so similar that I will not go into further personal detail. I am more interested in focusing on where I am going than where I have been. I may have done many, many sad, stupid, deceitful things during the course of my addiction but I will not do another.
I know how you are feeling the lies and the value of money does not mean anything. I live a double life no-one knows about my addiction only the people i talk to on here. I have been married 23 years and my husband or my grown up kids have not got a clue.
I wish you all the best in beating this awful habit that is destroying us .
Thank you for your best wishes and your shared experience. I am only on my second day but I have a determination to succeeed that I hope will be stronger than this vile compulsion. I will obviously try to take this one day at a time but also for me looking into the future and saying to myself this is where I will be in 6 months or this time next year is also helpful. I have a great career, house and family and although I have wasted more money than I could ever admit to anyone ALL I HAVE TO DO IS STOP. My debts will be gone in maybe 6 months and then I will have money to save or spend on my family. It sounds so simple and yet ...
Day 3. Have had a very busy work day. Had have little time to even think about gambling or debt. About to do a couple of shows that will eat into my debt. I must realise the importance of patience. The only way out of this mess is hard work, time and NO GAMBLING. Was a little tempted to bet on rugby but as I am self excluded everywhere in my home city the only chance was when I arrived in London earlier today but I found it easy to say no. Good feeling. Maybe this time...
Haven't posted for months as I felt that concentrating so much on NOT gambling wasn't where I needed to be. Anyway just wanted to pop back on to record that after a few months gamble free I feel so happy and genuinely haven't had the slightest urge. Amazing. After a first few weeks of counting each day I found other things took up my time and now with my debt reducing and the future looking bright I am doing very well. 3 months compared to 20 years gambling is only a beginning but I know I can do this.
well done and I am glad you are seeing the benefits already.
Mark
Hiya,
Well done from me also 🙂 Best Wishes
Del x
Things still going very well. No hint of an urge. Even whilst listening to cricket. Which for me is an important connection to break. The fact that I am self excluded from bookies and unable to gamble online is such a relief and halt to any temptation. I am still trying to help myself by paying off debt as soon as I have access to money instead of letting it stay for too long in my current account but I am in a very different and happy place now and cannot begin to imagine gambling again. Also trying to keep busy which in reality just means working as hard as any one in non juggling hell would do and not neglecting my career which is a very exciting and fortunate one in showbiz or my family whom I adore. I am so lucky and living the life I always dreamed of WHY COULDN'T I SEE THIS BEFORE ? HOW DID I END UP A GAMBLER ?
No matter. I can see it now. The years of Hell are behind me.
Getting close to 4 months and still doing well. Am in a very different world. Have been able to watch or follow sporting events like England cricket, 6 Nations Rugby and Superbowl without even being that tempted. This is real progress. The main thing I wanted to post today is that I feel a much BETTER person, kinder and more thoughtful towards my family, work colleagues and students. Work now feels easier. I have more time and am less rushed this really does feel like the start of the rest of my life. I know I must never relax and let myself ever forget the vile and seductive addiction that nearly drove me insane and away from the wonderful life that is mine. But if I do, self exclusion and little access to money is there as an insurance. And also this site is helping. That is why I am posting today. I am walking to a wonderful place and towards being a better man and I will get there. Thank you for walking with me.
We already know how much better life can be when we don't gamble.
So why gamble?
That alone is the most difficult question that we have to face.
So, so pleased to hear of a success story on here and many thanks for sharing this with us. We all need to be reminded what life IS like when we don't gamble.
So why gamble?!
All the very best and keep enjoying your life gamble-free.
GT
Thanks for taking the trouble to comment GT. I am trying to read other diaries too to remind myself of how many of us there are out there. I am also aware that the best way for me to succeed is to focus on all the other parts of the world that don't involve gambling and form some positive new habits to replace the old destructive ones. I know that at the moment I am free and I will need to make an active choice to return to Hell and I have no intention of doing that. I note from your own diary that many people consider you a positive influence. Thanks for helping and best of luck getting to your own debt free day. Mine is still some way down the line too.
Been reading some heart breaking stories here. I was in that position 5 months ago but stopped. I feel in a different world that just gets better and better. Sure, I did have substantial savings that are gone and replaced with debts but these debts are disappearing. I am fixing my broken life. It takes time and a realisation that gambling can have no part in it. The time it will take me to get my finances back to somewhere they should be is useful as it puts more space between my current happy life and the hell I formerly existed in and is confirming changed habits. I would love to have a big injection of cash to accelerate my fiancial recovery but accept that won't happen and will make the ultimate moment of self payback all the sweeter. I have stopped gambling and am proud of this fact. Nowhere else in the world could I share this so thank you for taking the time to read and my friendship and understanding goes out to everyone here.
Well done!!!
You sound in a good place, long may it continue
Dusty
Well done DB keep up the good work, love reading the diaries where people are holding it together, piecing their lives back together and chipping away at their debts.
Thank you both for your encouragement. The lonely pain and emptiness has become a quiet and positive determination which is helped by being a part of this community.
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