One day at a time-again!

I have spent a considerable of amount of money tonight on slots. I'm in debt, I never got out of debt and just added more to it with gambling on slot machines. I will count the days until it no longer becomes important. I'm so angry right now, I feel the guilt and the stupidy also. Why I do what I do does not really matter, all that matters is that I stop and stay stopped.n I am a compulsive gambler, and I cannot gamble responsilbly. I need to stay clear of anything to do with gambling, for it just plants the seeds. This is day one.

Good luck. Feels like you are where I was at Saturday. Its now Thursday and Im winning by abstaining. certainly couldnt win on the slots ! Good luck x Stay Strong x

Thank you Stupid! Good luck to you also!

So I have had a sleep and I feel rotton. The question that begs this morning is why I am so hell bent on self sabotage. Bad choices have been consistant, but I won't beat myself up for on the other hand I have made good choices. I just have to stop messing up the good stuff up. I will just take today and not gamble. If anything, I finally know and it has took a very long time to get into my head, no matter how escaped I get when I'm slotting, it's great at the time but I feel like absolute c*** afterwards win or lose, and no matter how I think I can control myself, which to I point I can....why should I? What is the point?!!!! I'm missing nothing! It's all a crock! I've always had a problem that I am a compulsive gambler, I actually believed deep down that instead of accepting this fact, I would be different, that I could be so called normal around gambling. I can't be, end of. I remember life before gambling, I remember I did not have to live with this lump of lead that I feel I carry around all the time. I've went for a very long time without gambling, but I have never fully felt I have broke free, and I wonder if this is realistic, will I come to a place that I feel free from it all, maybe I will? Anyway one day at a time.

Hi Compulsive66, welcome back to recovery 🙂

You say it matters not why you gamble but I actually think it does because you go on to say that it provides escape! Until you address the fears you are running from & find different ways to negotiate them addiction will remain on standby ready to strike! It will always be with you but you can turn it to off & learn to live with it if you use the tools @ our disposal! Break your Time-Money-Location triangle, get counselling, go to GA, recovery is bespoke but focus your attention & you will find your way! I know I will never be cured, I still have a long way to go but I feel free now, I choose 'No' everyday & you can too - ODAAT

Hi ODAAT thank you for the welcome:-) I agree that it is important and necessary to find out why we gamble, I've spent many years getting to know myself, my comment was more from the basis that I know why I gambled 'in my dark years' s' and have gambled again recently, to start pouring over it all again is pointless for me, if that makes sense? A bit like I have all the theory just need to put it into practice! I've the makings of a good and simple life and all I want is it to come good...finally!! I live hope to make the good choices and that's why I have come back here 🙂

Hope it works out for you Complulsive

Took me a long time to think as well as i thought i understood this addiction, i really didn't

I'm still learning. Keep trying though and you'll be fine.

tri

That makes sense! I don't know why I gambled, it matters not, what matters now, as you say is making the right choices & that absolutely is in our power! Time to put all your theory into practise - ODAAT

Hi Triangle & ODDAT thank you for your messages.

I'm day 3 I think. Been so busy I'm starting to lose count already and I just began. Hmph. Still feeling the remnants of my stupidity, I call it this for I should know better, started recovery about seven years ago. But I wont let this beat me. And I'm not going to beat myself up like I have done in the past. I'm human. One day at a time.

Day 4

No thoughts of gambling. No urge. Life is very busy. I lost two friends recently, one to death the other to parting ways. I've found it hard and heartbreaking. Not the reason for my recent gambling I would not even dare to make that an excuse. This week I will adress one of my debts as the beginning of managing my life better. I made my life just so much harder by blowing a few hundered. But I'm a alive and kicking. Counting my blessings.

Day 5

No gambling. No urges.A friend confided in me the other day that a family member had been gambling. The impact on my friend is enormous, I could see and hear the pain! I was close to telling about myself only in the aim to help, but I did not have the b**ls! It is something I cannot share easily. I went to one GA meeting and could not hack it. My gambling addiction, no, for most part it is a secret and will remain so. I feel okay about coming here and it helps alot. I'm going to kick this once and for all. I have to!

Day 6

Day 7

Minor thought of gambling just as I arrived in from work. Zoning out is something that slots provide and I like that unfortunately. Came here instead. I remember my first time here, August 2008 as Delgirl and the sheer agony getting through a day is something I will never forget. I ate, drank, slept recovery, I practically lived here. I would not be as far on as I am if it wasn't for here and the people that have supported me over the years. I am cracking this once and for all. My life is so much different than it was back then, I am so much different. But I will always be a compulsive/problem gambler. I deleted all my diaries from here, still glad I did, closing chapters is good for me. This is a new one, happy ending I'm hoping this time around! It's been a good day.

Hi

I loved nothing more than coming home and zoning out on slots online, It used to get me through the day, never gave a thought to anyone or anything else lol, utter madness, because it is dangerous,and a very cunning gambling addiction,

Well done on coming back, and I wish you the very best on your new journey of recovery.

Suzanne x

Thank you Suzanne 🙂 x

Day 8