Here I am. Back again. I think this is my last shot at getting my life back. The evil that has haunted me for so many years has reared its ugly head in a very bad way these last few months.
I sat down and owned up to my wife yesterday. This was by no means courageous as it was a breakdown on my part rather than a bold statement of bravery and intent.
Instead of condemning me, my wonderful wive comforted me and said we will work through this together. I really do not think that I am deserving of this support but I know I must not waste it.
This time, no promises and bold declarations as to how long I can go without gambling. I just need to take it day by day and try to make use of the wonderful support that my family has given me.
I accept that I have a problem. I have owned up to my wife and accept that I need her support. I have agreed to place my finances in the hands of my wife. Hopefully this will be enough.
Hi Marc
What you have done by speaking to your wife is the hardest part and deserves merit, there are so many people better equipped than me to offer advice but I will say what i have found the majority people on here feel the key to success is. You have done 2 of the major steps by talking to your wife and also handing over control of your finances, finding something positive to fill your time (i.e reading, exercising, family time) is another great tool. As well as self excluding from every single bookie or online bookie that you have an account with. I wish you all the best and look forward to reading your diary.
Markman
Fella the doors of recovery revolve,it doesn't matter how many times you walk through the door it is about what lesson's are learnt each time you do.
You have traveled this road before,you know how the blocks and handing your finances over to your wife will help,the truth is blocks are a great way to gift yourself time between you and the last punt you had.
Ultimately I hope they will grant sufficient time for you to see that abstinence is not a chore or punishing but actually a gift.
Without doubt you like me are one of the fortunate few,our wives have pledged their support,my advice share recovery,be completely honest,any lies between you will play into addictions hands,sweep clean and start again,the truth is the losses,all of them are gone you through gambling will just add to them.
There is no shame in admitting you need help,the greatest shame is not taking it.
Give recovery half the attention you gave addiction and I guarantee the results will astound you,
The mantra we all live whilst at it
I CANNOT WIN BECAUSE I CANNOT STOP
reversed
I DID WIN BECAUSE I DID STOP
one day at a time
Enjoy it.
Abstain and maintain
Duncs stepping forward never back
Jim, many thanks for your word of encouragement. Very appreciated. I will do my best to return the favour.
Duncan, you old stalwart you! Whenever I come back, tail between my legs you are always one of the first welcome me back. I cannot thank you enough. Just what I need yet another fall.
Well I am already on to day two. I am so busy at work which keeps me focused on the right things.
After being so incredibly sympathetic at first, my wife has been as cold as ice these past 24 hours. I think the grim reality as to how things could have otherwise been have dawned on her. I think it is going to be a while before she warms up. I think the road to recovery is going to be much more difficult to begin with this time around, however in the long run my wife's knowledge of the situation will help keep me on the right path. This time it will be impossible for me to hide anything from my wife so I will play it straight and day by day try an re-build trust.
I am very lucky. I have caring wife and a job (touch wood). I feel very sorry for those who do not share these blessings. I need to think remember this, keep my head up an move on!
Mark
Fella just for a minute put yourself in your wife's shoes.
What would you do if the boot was on the other foot,if your wife were the compulsive gambler.
Would you be angry,would you offer support or rage??
I fully understand the rage,f**k I have faced it,tried to understand it,use it to better myself,to ensure that I don't gift it again.
They are the innocent victims of this sh##itty addiction,they are the ones along with our kids who deserve to recover the most in my opinion.
They have two options,either stick around in the hope the addict arrests the addiction or as in many cases walk away to limit the damage,to gift themselves a life with all the misery and destruction.
My friend if that is not motivation enough for any man to address addiction.
Bottom line is you have to want it,I mean really want it.
Recovery is a gift,it's rewards far outweigh the selfish,self centered act of gambling
It really is a selfish act that pays huge rewards to those we profess to hold dear.
Take it on the chin my advice,you can never be sorry enough for the actions of your gambling.
Duncs stepping forward never back
On to day five.
I would be lying if I said I did not have any urges. You cannot go 10 years addicted to gambling without some kind of physical and psychological aftermath. I think it will be a good number of days before I lose my sense of irritability and restlessness.
My family has a week in Cornwall starting end of next week so I have something to look forward to. This should keep me on the straight and narrow.
I must say that the pending holiday has had a lot to do with my last relapse. There is always so much pressure to have lots of spending money and gambling is the easiest but deadliest of ways of trying to deal with this.
My eyes must of lit up and certainly my heart did pound when I received a cash payment from a client today. Straightaway I thought of the rugby or the cricket or both. But I have ridden this wave of urges and have stayed strong - need to keep the money in my own pocket this time!
Mark
hope you gave that money to your wife , all the best your doing well keep in there , you sound more determined this time
Wife is happy as she got her money!
Cornwall is just seven days away. In two hours time I am officially on annual leave although I will have to come in for a few more days in order to tidy up for my locum. In the past I have gambled a lot during this time as the an empty office cane be quite boring and lonely. This has, I am sure, made quite a few holidays less fund than they ought to have been.
It will be different this time. My wife has the cash and I just need to plough on. The urges are dying a death and whether I gamble or not is becoming a choice rather than a matter of compulsion - at least I hope so!
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