Made it through another weekend without too much trouble. It is generally about now though, after a few successful weeks that I fool myself into thinking that I could have a wee shot. Just have to keep repeating "I am a compulsive gambler" and in those more rational moments, I know there is no such thing as a wee shot. I will never be able to stop so I cannot start. Not again.
Hi NoCrisis - you are so right about fooling ourselves into the belief that perhaps just a small bet will do no harm - absolute nonsense.
I've being trying to think of analogies for the gambling habit and have come up with this:
An overweight person needs to lose three stone - they embark on a healthy-eating programme and eventually, after a great deal of effort, manage to shed all their excess weight. Delighted with the result they immediately resume their old eating habits, with the inevitable consequences.
To people with no weight issues this would seem ridiculous - so it is with us.....
As you have said "I will never be able to stop so I cannot start again."
Stay strong.
Joanna
Hi mate
Thanks for the post on my diary hope all is going well, I've had a few urges last couple of days like yourself but managed them well by coming on here, there's no such thing as a little bet as u well know so stay strong and keep it up
Thanks guys. Yesterday was a good day. Today I've been thinking about gambling but feeling strong.
It's funny how slowly the difficult days pass and how quickly these easy, normal days fly in. When I'm having urges, every minute feels like a week. Perhaps that is why us compulsive gamblers feel we lurch from one crisis to the next.
Plus one makes Day 33.
Started out a difficult day today but I managed to stop feeling sorry for myself, get up, get out and actually turn it into a productive day. Score 1 to me! Plus one gets me to the end of day 35. Night all.
With day 38 drawing to a gamble free close, life feels pretty good. Work is killing me but gambling isn't. I'll take that for now.
Okay, it has been far too long since I made a diary post. So much for plus one, I have to say plus eight makes day 46.
I'm still struggling at times but channeling my money and my time into other activities and that really is helping. I should probably channel more money back into the mortgage but in the past I've done that, got bored and relapsed. I'm hoping that by filling my time and by demonstrating to myself that there are considerably better ways of spending money than on compulsive gambling episodes, that I can abstain this time around.
Work is still a nightmare and more than anything else it is work that is keeping me off this site. I will try to catch up this week on posts and diaries. Hope anyone who reads this is doing well and going strong.
Okay so I confess to rather losing count but not to losing the battle against compulsive episodes. Over fifty days clean now. I cannot stress enough how much I am determined not to give in to my gambling addiction.
I still get that strange tightening in my chest when I see an ad or walk past a bookies. It is a strange mixture of excitement, temptation and shame. I don't pretend to understand why gambling still excites me despite my understanding of how destructive and pointless it is to indulge. Daft really but that's the way it is.
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