And two steps back.
Over three years since I first visited this place, this refuge of remittal. Tough times but good times since then, two small children, a relatively successful business and almost debt free.
And a black shadow. Always there, following me, driving me to do the wrong thing.
Yep, I've had a relapse. I don't know where it came from, the announcement of our second bundle of joy knocked me for six and I think that panic set me off.
Without knowing what sort of a figure to put on it, I've spent almost everything I've made in the last year. It must be high 4-figures, my wife would throw me out. She thinks I'm ploughing all my money back into the business, which is sort of true, but all the profits are being eaten up by stupidity.
It's time to stop this once and for all. No internet gambling since 2013 (thanks to K9 web filter thing) and no casinos, I'm self excluded and have been for years.
What I need to do is quit the bookies.
It's difficult, the line of work I'm in means I almost always have cash in my pocket (no, I'm not a drug dealer!). To simplify lets just say i'm an antiques dealer - it's a similar thing. I always need money on me in case I spot something I can flip for profit, basically.
As much as I might enjoy a very small flutter on the footie, the FOBT's are impossible to resist. I can't go in and just spend a tenner, I will empty my pockets while staring at those computer simulated spinning reels and 'random' routelle table.
This diary is for me to track my success. I am determined, but I don't really have anyone in my life to talk to about it, so this 'note to self' will suffice. I don't expect other people to read or comment but if I manage to quit (again!) then I am more than happy to be of assistance to others.
So, Day 1; 15th Jan 2016. I gambled today. It made me feel like s**t - before, during and after. I had no intention of going to the bookies, I even walked past two, but inevitably I ended up going in. That's the last time I'll be going in in January, I am determined!
Hi kevz and welcome back to the forum! Sorry to hear of your recent struggles with the fobt, however you know the cycle it carries and am sure you will start putting blocks in place. Self exclusions with passport photos to assist is the best first step forward.
There many success stories on here, keep reading, finding inspiration and posting yourself.
I would suggest to open up to your loved ones also, even if its not easy, i read around its the best decision made for CG and stone was lifted from their chests. ..honesty is priority dealing with this addiction.
You sound determined and commited to recovery. Do anything in your power to break the cycle.
I wish you well and willing you on in this journey.
One day at a time
Sandra
Day two I guess. Checked the football fixtures this morning but I know I can't have a bet. A harmless punt would turn into a fobt session. Ill update later but feeling confident i wont gamble today.
Day two done and dusted.
No gambling and feeling great. I checked the footie this morning and usually i'd have had a bet on my team. given the opposition id likely have put £5 on 3-0 and the same on 3-1.
They won 3-0 as it goes but i didnt think about what i would potentially have won, i thought about what i saved by not looking at a fobt.
I was supposed to meet a friend for a quick pint after work but he cancelled last minute. £20 in my pocket and half an hour downtime would usually spell the bookies, but I bought a paper and went early for my train and just sat on the platform.
One day gamble free isn't much to brag about but I feel like I dodged a couple of good challenges today. Onward and upward.
Hi there, one day gamble free is everything to brag about. You can't get to 10,100 or 1000 days without having 1 day gamble free. Keep making good choices hour by hour, day by day. Well done.
Day three done with and that's two days gamble free.
I've barely left the house today, but usually I'd have found an excuse to nip to the shop (for an hour!) and chuck a couple of £20 notes in the bookies pockets. Spent time with my wife, time with my daughter and feeling thoroughly pleased with myself.
I seem to have replaced gambling with food (my other crutch) for the time being. Burger King for lunch and a curry for tea yesterday, and today lots of crisps and chocolates.
It may well be the case that I'd be better off for cash if I was still gambling! (Sorry, very poor taste joke).
Thanks all. Kev
Hi Kevz, Just read your last post buddy and can totally relate , same thing with me Fobt's the evil little feckers ! .
I was at my partners house earlier today and sent her out for a bag of plaster after I'd ran out , thing was 4 months ago I'd have gone myself , been about an hour and a half and spun some yarn about them being out of stock so I had to go further afield just for some time at the bookies ! w*f was I thinking ?.
As for the food buddy just do what you need to for a while , even if it's comfort eating ! You can alway's lose a few pounds but this time it won't be in the bookies ! [ even worse joke } Lol.
Get all those exclusions in place , wherever you can and stay safe fella !
Hi
I hope your having a good day ! It would help if you exclude from the bookies, I have never been in one (and don't think I could which is pretty lucky for me I think!) they are everywhere thou, mines internet so a blocker is a simple blanket! How does it work with bookies? Can you only self exclude from one shop at a time and not the whole chain at once? In guessing that would be too much paperwork for the chain! But if you were really determined walking round everyone in the area and excluding would be good...although take someone with you...I'm not sure visiting 10 shops in one day on your own is a good idea!
Your doing great so far thou, everyday is a win for us now 🙂
Day 4 on here = 3 days gamble free.
Finished work at lunch today (perk of being the boss!) which could very easily have ended badly.
I had cash in my pocket, a little over £30, but made it home with all but £3 after picking up a few little bits of shopping.
Urge was definitely there - one of the local arcades had a free competition on a new slot - but I was more concerned with ticking off three days straight of no gambling.
Hand on heart, without this place I think I'd have had a little punt today. You guys provide such a support network (staff and members alike). Thank you, sincerely.
Well done Kevz - the support on here is great but remember, today YOU had the choice and YOU made the right decision. Keep the faith mate and the gamble free days will keep coming?
Hi Kev, welcome back to recovery & great work today 🙂
I read that you had a disappointing GA meeting but found the counselling useful...Is this something that you did recently or is it long enough ago that you could consider another round? Maybe give a different meeting a go? If the black cloud still has a loud voice, you need to do what you can to silence it. If you have 2 children now, the announcement itself was a while ago so is not be feared anymore. Your wife finding out may well be but if you came clean, there would be no dirty secrets hanging over you! 3 days is great, especially without barriers & hey, maybe a little exercise to balance out those extra calories & you might not feel quite so guilty. May sound daft, but you have to be kind to you in recovery otherwise it gives Mr Gamble the edge with his false promises/downright lies of how much nicer life is with him.
Keep using that day count as a weapon against evil. Make this your time - ODAAT
Well done today Kev. Having some accountability to this site is great. I've had to come back here tail between legs a few times and it's horrible. Feel I've let people down who've supported me. I can't do that to you all again. I'm here for the long run.
Day 5 = 4 days gamble free.
It seems longer than Friday since my last bet, but still staying away. Could have gone for a pint after work but I didn't trust myself with the bandit so caught the early train. At some point this week I'll be nipping out for a couple of beers and I only know of one bar without a fruit machine so that will be a bit of a test.
So far so good.
Day 6 (yesterday). Didnt gamble and didnt miss it. Both accounts in the black and bills paid so I have money there, but choose not to.
Day 7. But more difficult today. Pint after work, bandit was calling but had a go on the quiz machine instead. Three quid spent in an hour...price of a pint. It was difficult not to play the fruity to be honest. I'm counting it as a gamble free day, quiz machines are a bit of fun and I've always got a lot of enjoyment from them regardless win lose or draw.
Be careful with those quiz machines. You wouldn't be the first gambling addict to be pulled back into gambling by them.
Well done on the rest
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