Re-building My Life

Yo,

🙂

High five !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Shiny xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hey Tomso

Congratulations on the birth of your new baby. Hoping your beautiful bundle of joy brings you much happiness and peace of mind.

Take care and continue to remain strong and positive.

Feb.

Congratulations Tomso. That's great news.

Tomso

fella that is great news my friend, even better the fact that your newborn is not going to suffer by default.

The act of gambling for us the compulsive gambler causes waves, ones of tidal proportions at times, that can come crashing down on those we hold dear.

The fact that your newest addition has the opportunity to never be affected is surely motivation to keep making the right choice.

well done fella

Most of all enjoy it

Duncs stepping forward never back

Day 81

Just checking in with this post. I have not had the time nor desire to gamble. My life is absolutely hectic at the moment and I don't have a minute to myself. This is something I may have to get used to.

I did manage to get out a run early this morning. It was one of those good runs where you notice that for some reason you are running faster than normal and it appears effortless. I don't get these as often as I used to when I was a little fitter but still I enjoy them when they come. Maybe S.A. will know what I am talking about.

Have a lovely gamble free weekend everyone.

Tomso.

Hi Tomso.. I know what you are talking about. I once had an effortless run after a night on the beer! Sometimes these quality runs come along when you least expect them.

I can imagine how hectic your life must be what with a new addition to the family. Congratulations and well done on your gamble free time. Regards... S.A

Day 82.

I have been reading around some of the new diaries and something that comes up repeatedly is the need to replace the buzz that gambling provided.

When I first came here I am sure I used to wonder about how I could re-create that buzz. The truth is for me the buzz is replaced by the feeling of comfort and peace. That may sound a little disappointing but it shouldn't. O.K. so I don't get that high after a big win but I don't experience the misery and despair of bigger losses and overall this provides a more well balanced life.

In turn, my more well balanced life allows me to notice the small things that I used to choose to not see. Time with family, the kids, friends etc. Time at the park with my kids for instance. I used to always take my kids to different parks but although I was there in person I wasn't there in mind. I wouldn't notice anything. Sure I would push them on the swings and notice how happy they were but I didn't take in the walk because I had too many worries on my mind. Not now. Taking a nice long walk through a park on a Sunday afternoon can be a tremendous way to spend your afternoon.

Tomso.

Hi Tomso,

Thanks for dropping by on my diary at the end of January. I just wanted to say a big congratulations on the birth of your child, wonderful news!

Keep up your great resolve, your doing fantastically well!

All the best

Alexis

Tomso

My dear friend for me recovery is infectious, I read of the joys it brings, the constant moments of serenity and I know why I keep getting up each day with a renewed vigour to keep making the right choice.

Abstain and maintain

Yes the 'highs' of gambling are not present but the all consuming lows are equally not there too.

If you put the two on a set of scales which one would tip the balance.

For me the sh#it brought by losses through gambling will always outweigh the temporary loans through the false belief of winning gifted through gambling.

Today winning takes on a whole new meaning for us, the results plain to see.

Keep enjoying them fella.

Duncs stepping forward never back

Hi Tomso, many thanks for your recent post and congratulations on getting to 83 in such a positive, determined manner. You've made it look easy yet I know that all the hard and necessary work was made before day one when all we CG's have to change are battered and bruised minds into a new way of thinking. That transfoation doesn't happen overnight and is both painful and frustrating. Yet, those who are determined to stick it out, like yourself, reap the rewards.

I can relate to your last post wholeheartedly. For a while I missed the buzz, then I felt that I was somehow missing out on getting my fix of excitement, stimulation. Eventually, I thankfully realised that to be content in life I don't need to chase highs. A better, happier person for this realisation. I'm now stimulated constantly by all that is wonderful around me and there are no withdrawal symptons. This is how life was meant to be.

I've saved the biggest and best congratulations to the last and that is the birth of the latest little Tomso. What you have is everything, the jackpot and gambling is a jealous mistress who would happily take that away from you, yet you've put distance between yourself and that last ruinous bet, you've changed the way you look at gambling and more important than these Is the way you now understand yourself.

Enjoy everything even the sleepless nights.

Laz

Day 87

Nothing really to report. Just checking in to say that life is hectic and will be for a while. I am not gambling and that alone allows me to be at my best when dealing with all the other stuff in my life. Good enough.

Tomso.

Day 88

I have just experienced a craving for roulette for the first time in a long time. Luckily, I have the benefit of experience and instead of gambling I have came home to post.

This feeling only occurred five minutes ago when out in the car by myself. I was sat on the couch bored and felt uneasy and restless and decided to go out a drive. I drove around for ten minutes then passed my old bookies and slowed the car ever so slightly but decided better of it.

Now that I am home I feel happy and safe with the knowledge that I will not gamble today and do not want to gamble. A kindly reminder that I am a compulsive gambler with self destructive characteristics and I need to take care of myself. Today, I have taken care of myself.

I thought about my diary and how I keep a count of days now. How would I feel about going back to day 1? That was enough for me. I have been totally selfish with this quit and haven't become attached to any other diary instead just concentrating on myself.

Someone once told me that with addiction the "threes" can be a problem. Three days, three weeks and here I am at three months.

Anyway, today I celebrate 89 days without gambling in my life. Long may that continue.

Tomso.

Hi Tomso and well done on your gambling free time.

I don't suppose you get much down time what with the new addition to the family, so when that down time did come perhaps its no surprise that a craving for roulette came along. Gambling was of course our main way to switch off from life so perhaps its just a case of old habits die hard. Anyway you coped and that's all that matters.

I hope your managing to get out for a few runs where you can. I did 14 miles in 2 hours today. I really enjoyed it. Regards... S.A

Day 90

Great post from S.A. and I thank you for taking the time to remind me of a few things. You are spot on. I have a new baby and with that I am tired and have had less time to myself and haven't been able to get out for my usual runs. This change in lifestyle can often lead us back to our old ways of coping with different and stressful circumstances.

I have no thoughts of gambling today and instead took the two boys out to the park early this morning. A nice walk, a play on the swings and some chocolate fudges and everyone is happy.

Getting up at 3am again is mental. When I got up at 3 this morning I thought to myself how not so many years ago I used to be just getting in at that time. How times change.

Tomso.

Hi Tomso.

Thanks for taking the time to post on my diary. Unfortunately, I've slipped back into my old habits. I've updated my diary with some of the gory details.

I'm glad to see you're still going strong and your being kept busy with your new arrival! I'm really pleased for you.