Re-building My Life

Tomso

Fella there is without doubt a great deal of truth in the fact that recovery is a bespoke journey.

You have to find a way to make it work for you.

The outcome is the only important thing.

For us that is to arrest the punt.

Glad it is working for you,keep making the right choice,even more

Enjoy it.

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Hi Tomso.

Well done on your continued abstinence. It's lovely to read that you are able to enjoy the simple things in life - going to sleep at night with a peaceful mind, waking up with a peaceful mind.

Well done also on having a night out minus a single cigarette (a personal pet hate of mine)!!

Stay calm and carry on - as the saying goes!!

Feb.

Day 144

I am doing very well at the moment and I am so thankful that this quit is working. This time last year I was in constant turmoil.

I don't know quite what has changed this time around but I am doing as well as I can remember in a very long time. For the first time ever I seem to have tamed my three demons and can live without gambling, smoking and turning to food as comfort when the other two are not present.

I have returned to boxing and running and with this I made a commitment to start eating clean and I am starting to lean out.

I can explain why things are going great but they are and I love it.

I have posted positive posts in the past and been shot down in flames by one or two others on here when I relapsed who pointed out how my posts came across as cocky. I don't know what will happen tomorrow or next week but today I feel great and I did yesterday and the day before that and for a while actually.

I don't post often anymore and have a nice balance of when I come to the forum and read. My diary is for me and I wanted to put some words down this morning to record how I feel about my life right now.

Tomso.

Well done Tomso.

Lovely to hear you are still doing so well.

Continue to take great care of yourself and your loved ones.

Feb.

Hi Tomso,

Your last optimistic post is one that is good to hear even for the grizzled gambler, there is a future after quitting the addiction, it is just about being strong enough to go into that future. As you know, it isn't always positive and uplifting, but I hope the good days give you the strength to knock those bad days on the head.

All the best

Ryan

Day 154

Just checking in. Things much the same which is to say my life is manageable and I am enjoying it.

Tomso.

Morning Tomso

Enjoying life is what it's all about and it seems we are both in a better place right now , it's been a journey my friend and its been a pleasure to go side by side on it with

Best wishes to you and your family

Ps World Cup coming up so hopefully should be some good matches to watch

Castle2

Tomso

Thanks for popping by fella,your own recovery is testament to anyone who wants to gift themselves continued abstinence,the continued effort you put in to it,to have learnt from the episodes of gambling along the way and today to share those efforts with others.

I salute you my friend

My one wish would be

To be able to bottle the gift that is abstinence

And end the misery compulsive gambling brings.

Keep making the right choice

Duncs stepping forward never back

Day 170

I haven't posted in a few weeks which is down to a mixture of being extremely busy and not needing to rely on the forum the way I used to and I say that will all the respect in the world because this forum is a magnificent place, which has helped me massively.

Gambling is no longer a constant thought or battle for me at this time and each day, week and month that passes builds a resolve inside me.

I am a gambling addict and accept that will never change but with my eyes being opened to what I have instead of what I don't have I continue to enjoy and believe in the road I am on. A road of peace and calm where the small things are big and what used to seem big and all consuming are now not so significant.

I continue to read on some diaries that just because they have stopped gambling doesn't necessarily make their lives better. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion but I know for a fact my life is so very much better. Some talk about the sadness of having no thrill or excitement but I don't miss the rollercoaster life. I have come to realise that I don't need a constant ecstatic high. Lives are full of small things which can make us happy if not ecstatic. I see that just about every day.

I have just finished the second coat of paint on my daughters bedroom. Pink paint all over me. She is just over three months old now and everything is pink. It makes me feel very proud of myself that I haven't missed or wasted any of those three months chasing losses or being inwardly worried about my situation.

I don't apologise for becoming repetitive but I always feel the need to put down a few words about finance. I have gambling debt that used to consume my every thought. Now it doesn't. It exists and will exist for a long time. I make the same payments every month and not a penny more. I used to be in such a hurry which only served to drive me back to roulette chasing a big win. I don't need that big win. Life ticks by with seconds, minutes and hours. Eventually, one day, the debt will be gone but I will have at least lived my life between now and then. If anyone reads this who is at the start of their journey believe me it gets easier with time. You wouldn't imagine it but the worry of money fades and I wish someone tonight starts their journey and experiences this for themselves. One hundred days for me was always a big landmark.

I wish everyone peace and happiness.

Tomso.

Tomso

Can't start to tell you what good reading your post is and how pleased everything is ok , I have been with you every step of the way through the ups and downs and likewise you have for me on our journeys so I know first hand how much you tried and never given up

It sounds as though your in such a good place and couldn't be happier for you , with regards to this wonderful forum you take what you need as and when it will always be here for you , ultimately it has to be about you and what's right for you

As always best wishes to you and your family

Castle2

Hi Tomso

Lovely to hear from you again and find out that you are still doing so well.

Remain strong and continue to have peace and harmony in your life.

Take care.

Feb.

Hi Tomso,

Great to hear from you and to read that things are going well for you. Acceptance of being a gambling addict and remaining calm have both been a part of my progress over the past few months, and trying to keep stress to a minimum.

For me gambling was always something that tended to be exacerbated by other issues, so quitting gambling doesn't solve everything. However, the escape was only temporary, and in the end gambling would always amplify the original problem not solve it. Keeping calm and balanced does help me to deal with my other issues when they surface.

Hope you're having a great weekend, and the pleasure you get from life without gambling continues to deliver the rewards of recovery.

Ryan

Hi Tomso,

Great to see you going strong. Be proud and keep making the right choice. You've got your life back, what more I can say - enjoy every minute of it 🙂 you and your loved ones are worth it

Take care and stay safe

S x

Dear Diary,

I have had an eventful last few weeks. After going a decent amount of time without gambling I, once again, had a relapse and gambled. This lasted for about four days and I felt dreadful as always. Anyway, after being a secret gambler for so many years I told my wife about what I had done and then for the first time ever I went to see my parents to tell them about my addiction.

I broke down while telling my parents partly due to shame and emotion. They were shocked but supportive. My mum offered me money to pay off debt which I did not accept and explained to her how this would only lead to more gambling.

Anyway, now for the good part. I finally made the decision that day to go to G.A. and it was the best decision I could have made. They say all things happen for a reason.

I walked through that door two weeks ago and was blown away. I instantly felt like I belonged in that room. There was eight people there and one person chaired the meeting. This week there was more than eight and some of the faces were different but again the two hours passed like fifteen minutes. I love it so much I look forward to going to the next one. I have no idea why I had such a fear of going. Making excuses that someone might recognise me. Who cares I need help and can't do this on my own and although this forum is great we are still alone.

We have a therapy session for the first hour and discuss one of the twelve steps during the second hour. Even having one of the more experience regulars explain the steps to me makes far more sense than I could ever make out of them. These guys are able to explain things to me that I just couldn't get on my own.

One guy hasn't gambled in thirty years and still goes to meetings. He goes because the therapy and steps make him a better person. He says his life is still unmanageable due to a compulsive personality but he strives for that better life. Hearing that just filled me full of hope. I actually left my first meeting full of excitement.

Listening to the different stories with different gambling preferences I can relate to so, so much. We are all the same. Regardless of huge debts or small debts we all suffer the same I am convinced of that.

One guy is getting his first year pin next week and I am so happy for him. He really deserves it. Thing is he walked in for the first time a year ago and hasn't gambled since. I am full of hope for myself.

I have came back here time and time again even although people like D123 kept advising me that I needed to do something different and I wouldn't listen. I convinced myself that I could stop on my own. Well I can't because I am a compulsive gambler. I have no control over my gambling and my life is unmanageable. I accept this and am ready to face this head on through G.A. by going to regular meetings and talking and listening and learning about myself, my addiction and trying to get back to the person I was before gambling got its teeth into me and my soul.

If there is anyone out there who feels that this is too much for them to cope with on their own please find the courage to walk through the doors of G.A. You will be welcomed with open arms. It is a truly humbling experience.

Things happen for a reason. If I didn't gamble a few weeks back I would have eventually not through choice but because I don't know enough about what I am dealing with. I don't know what happens when I get that urge or how to deal with it. I need the help that is out there. On my first night four people gave me their phone numbers. One of the guys sends me regular text messages with words of wisdom and/or support.

Tomso.

Tomso.

My friend you know my journey of recovery started in the GA room,it was for me simply the place where my 'life' was saved.

The room for me is a place of great learning,there is no 'cult' as mentioned here many times just a room full of like minded folk who all share the same goal,to arrest the punt,to re educate the mind.

I am pleased you have found the courage to tell your wife,I believe this will help.

Be proud fella

You are not alone,you don't have to try and travel this journey alone.

Thanks for sharing,thanks for being honest.

Keep making the right choice,me I will enjoy walking by your side.

Abstain and maintain

Duncs stepping forward never back