Recovery *

Hi thank you for your kind words on my diary, sorry to learn about your day at the hair dressers but on a positive note , you felt the fear of going out and sitting there and you did it! You can also laugh about it now which is one of the things I found I got back the more I did not gamble, my sense of humour. We get stronger as we fight our demons, the bully, the abuser, the addiction only has power as long as we let it, so as those days of getting stronger mount up it's a little bit of power and self worth we regain. I'm chilling with my dog curled up beside me as I write, (day off to today from work) this is something I really enjoy now instead of spinning the wheels on a game that is just going to fleece my bank account. Sorry but have to mention my moms Sunday roast was fab and I bought a little one back for my dog. Walked my dog in the rain after with my daughter for a couple of hours, that time was priceless, no win on the slots could replace that. DIscussed a case I'm dealing with (confidentiality reasons no names) a 30 year old lady given 6 weeks to live, has a partner and a 4 year year old, that's tragic so even when I think of my debts, it's a small worry compared to that. I feel you are a lovely person who has suffered much through others and is fighting many demons, some of which are painful. I m wishing you so much strength and determination to come through this the other end, your worth it and deserve it, remember it, best wishes x oh almost forgot I may leave th diary name as I cannot think of a new on so for now it will remain the same x

Hair booked in for friday, they are letting me go to the bridal suite which would be a first as never been a bride...

I think they just want round two completing and paid for hahaha... seriously though how nice was that as when I called they had already come up with a solution and no god d**n music blaring to push me over the edge.

Some people are so so lovely, gives me so much hope.

GF still, struggling as if it was not for the blocks I would not be. However if I can put much distance between this and recover I will overcome this.

Not point being the richest person in the graveyard , but holy smoke I have lost so many years for many reasons.

This year thats going to change. So what if i have a few meltdowns on the way, better than being alone in a dark space.

My title to my thread is because I am scared of the dark, need lights on all the time... hahahaha no wonder I m single

Hey hey there fellow lady of the night 😉 The bridal suite eh 🙂 Sounds fab! I hope you can dig down & find the strength to get there without spending this whole week worrying about it! Bizarelly, I would have thought to suggest your own headphones & some disco tunes to silently & very stilly, bop along to for a distraction. I shall pass on my email address through the usual channels tomorrow but no need to send me any photographic evidence, my sister shaved her fringe off as a youngster (a trim went drastically wrong) & had to have a Crusty the Clown combover for a while...That's what you're currently sporting in my mind 😉

Well, would you know, I used to wake said, daft, little sister up to go to the toilet when I was little coz it was dark on the landing! Thankfully I grew out of that & I love it now. Just as well since there's a small chance I may be a vampire, plus I have a hairnet for a bladder & the loo is downstairs...Off I stumble bleary eyed, stubbing my toes & falling down the stairs @ all time of night until the sweet nectar of morning brings me sleep peace. I hope you are somewhere there as I type this planning to head straight off to nod.

Choked on my tea when I read the clown combover hahahaha

I hate it when you stub your toes ! it is the most painful thing

Glad you overcame your fear of the dark growing up. Wish I could but then the CEO of phillips would need to call a board meeting regarding a slump in lightbulb sales 🙂

How lovely that you would send me your email. Such a dear heart ODAAT. I will send you mine and spare you the dodgy cut, think of the classic hamlet tv advert with the guy in the photo booth lol x

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Wow that's amazing weldone you and thanks for posting it means a lot I am enjoying recovery life in HD so much clearer take care x

Well done for re-booking hair appointment. Your hairdressers sound very kind.
Keep your blocks in place and I'm sure your 2nd to last paragraph on your last post will come true. Quote ' this year that's going to change'
Keep pushing yourself, as the gf days add up, you could turn out to be braver than you think! Take care xx

Thank you for all the lovely posts on my diary x

Really means a lot to me. Hair appointment today...yes my dodgy haircut will be gone ! I am nervous after my last drama there and I am drinking beer as I write in the hope I may sleep. Even a alcohol fuled sleep is better than no sleep.

This year many changes are coming because I want them. All these years alone and what for ?.... Nothing

Yikes I must not type much more, else my diary wont feel clean and I need it clean.

I am gamble free, yes I am finding it hard. It was a lifelong habit. My finances are not with me, if they were I would be trying to find some cowboy donkey with a slot machine seeing as I am excluded from every where.

Hurry up blanket ban, you nasty life taking sites really need to put in more protection. It is ok you donate to charities but what are you doing for the vulnerable addicted ? Nothing yet so hurry up swines

I have just realised its thursday and no my haircut is not today it is friday...... I can not blame a beer as I have only had half a can

x

You had me wondering & I'm tee-total 😉

Hopefully see you & that crazy combover over in the land of nod shortly...If I see you anywhere near a Cowboy Donkey, I'll tie a carrot to my hat & run really quickly so you can't keep up (thumb up emoji)

Sweet Dreams!

Hey you 🙂

Youre right ...I actually do feel better about myself and that's a first for a long long time. It's a slow slow process as you know but we have to fight.. we are fighting, we're here aren't we 🙂

Im tired and heading into land of nod but just noticed your post in my diary and didn't want to go off without popping by. Try to get some sleep... have you tried listening to some soft music, that always helps me relax.

Stay safe & well!

Mari x

Just dropping in to wish you every strength for today...You can do it!

Morning just dropping by to wish you well for today hope it's a positive experience for you this time. looking forward to the update later.

KTF

Happy Haircut Day 🙂

Mari x

Rome was not built in a day

I can do this, I will do this. May not be the way its supposed to but nothing wrong with being nicely odd

I am talking myself round x