Recovery and hope last bet 22/10/06

Hi, I've had a good day today, thinking about betting far less and I feel I am moving in the right direction. I am going to a GA meeting tomorrow at Royston. A chap I've met at AA is also coming along. I still avoid looking at results on tv or the paper, I feel that everything happens for a reason and I needed a push to get on with the steps, as my life was unmanageable. I can see the madness now, but when I was in there, it just seemed so normal.

I know exactly how you feel, from day to day it's up and down. We are very lucky me, and you!! We still have money, our homes, and spouses who Love us!! Then I just wish I knew why I am so d**n MISERABLE!!

LOVE, ULL!! YOUR DOIN AWESOME

(MY DAY 15 TODAY)

Today I am disappointed, I went for a game of golf with my mates, knowing they play for a small wager, which included me. I was'nt strong enough to say no and ended up feeling down for being such a wimp. I still feel strong about stopping gambling and I know the steps will help me achieve freedom from gambling. I will now have to choose between them and freedom from gambling. It ruined my day as it was on my mind during the game. Its back to day one again.

paddy, its only back to day 1 again if you choose to be back at day 1 again.

its a small wager, and that is what is understood and implicit in the going out with them??

explain to me and to yourself why you think that has taken you back to day 1.

is it possible that you can look at it as a learning curve. maybe it wasnt the right time to tell your mates about where you are in the great scheme of things, and maybe you need to get a little more strength under your belt before announcing to your mates what you are thinking.

take it slow, and remember that you have not resorted to your old ways, and also realise that you are still sorting out your thoughts and your feelings, try not to be so hard on yourself, you are getting to where you need to be, and that can only mean progress

hang in and take care

today is a good day, and i am living every moment to my full potential

Hi Carol-Ann, many thanks for your post, it makes me feel a lot better, I just wanted to be honest with everyone about where I am, I feel I am the right path and have no urge to gamble, I should have posted prior to playing and maybe someone could have offered their guidance and or experience in these situations. I will take on board what you have said and try and not beat myself up. ((hugs))

totally with Carol!! You are bieng too hard on yourself, everything happens for a reason, at least I think it does, I have started over 3 times, the first time I made it to day 4, the second time to 10, and this time I am actually on day 20, according to your time zone!!

Love ULL

Hi to you all, its great to have such unconditional support, we are a family, I have had a great release being able to post without being judged.I know that you know what I am going through when I post whatever is on my mind. I thank you again for all your support.

Luv Paddy

Paddy - You need to change the name of this thread!

Hi all, no bet today, did'nt feel like a bet. Its great, I've had it easier than some and I am truely glad this illness has dragged me down so quickly. I have'nt made the losses that some have but I know its there for me if I want to have another go. It was never about the money anyway, I could never have won enough to make me happy.I am trying to meet what the day brings without past regrets.Just for today I can live my life.

Paddy

Today went to services with my wife,a reading from the service was about a blind man wanting to see again, he begged for forgiveness and his prayers were answered and he was healed. Today I am that person who wants to see the path,the path away from all my vices into normal living. I spoke to my sponsor this morning and I am going to start the steps to recovery. I still have the odd thought of gambling but I have'nt acted on it and that is the bottom line for me.Just for today.

Paddy

Hi Paddy1961 - a sponsor already, you are really rocketing! Keep up the good work. So pleased to read good news.

Hi Mercury,I, like you, am cross addicted, it only taken me 20 years to ask for help of a sponsor. No drink but some debatable living ideas. Gambling came in on occasions, but it brought me to my knees this time, I don't want to drink and I don't want to gamble where else is left, GA and AA which is where I go to find out how to live, God bless,

Paddy

How are things today!! Yes we are a family!! And I don''t think you had start a new date?? You should be really close to me aren't you?? I am really going to be tested this week, my husband left for a wk, so this will be the ultimate trial for me, but I feel strong about it. Today, I will celebrate 30 days free!! Halelujah!! I know you are right behind me!!! P>S> Me too on the addiction thing,,, been there with everything I ever tried that I liked, drugs, alcohol, s*x, you name it!! I am the addict of all addicts!!

If you do find out how to live, please share!! LOLOL!! No, I am really trying to find the same, just have to keep a little humor in this, so we are all not crying all of the time!! Right?

To Loza- I have prayed for you!! How are you!!

Love ya all!!! Love me ULL

I went to church with my wife this morning,it was my second time, I won't say I enjoyed it all but there was a piece about where we all have our place in the great scheme of things which I can now relate to.Things have been good and I still think of gambling when I hear sports fixtures on the radio or tv,but thats ok for me once I don't act on it. Today I have my life back, I've made new friends in GA who understand me and will help me if I ask.

Today is a good day.

How are you doing today?? Today is day 33 for me, do you think it counts if you have scrated off lotto tickets?? If it does, I am screwed?? Well I am not counting it, because at my work, we have contests all of the time, and lotto tickets are the prizes alot of time, I am really thinking about, and wanting to go spin a few reels today. This is the first time i have had this urge so badly for a long time, and i know its because my husband is gone, I have to find a way to fight it.