Recovery and hope last bet 22/10/06

Hi Paddy. I'm so glad to see you staying so strong. Like Lynn often says, "normal is wonderful!"

Thank you for your post on my diary. You are an inspiration and motivation for me!

Love, Anna

Just got in from dancing and feeling good and thought I would check in and say hello.Life is good,a day at a time I can definitely cope with.Been busy at work and having to work with people who are suffering and not knowing what is wrong with them,makes me grateful and sad.Grateful for the fact I know I had to change and continue to change and carry a message of hope and sad because the chances are they will not have access to the programme and the 12 steps of recovery, which have been the foundation of my recovery. Somedays are better than others but the worst days are better than my gambling days.The lies and deceit have stopped,endless hours on the computer just stopping to go to the loo,seem so far away and yet if I take anything for granted I could find myself back in the mess. If anyone hasn't told you today that they love you then let me be the first.

Paddy

Hi folks,my first year completed a day at a time. Just another ordinary day which thankfully has become the norm.Having read where I was this time last year I am immensely grateful to everyone who posted on my diary to keep me on the straight and narrow.I was particularly vunerable in the begining and needed the help that was on offer thank you all. I look forward to many more ordinary days and pray that everyone will have the chance I had to change their lives around.

God bless,

Paddy

HI Paddy

i love love love your phrase ordninary days, i have always said from day one of my diary that i want normal.

So an orniary and normal life for us, all the way paddy and that feels bloody good, give me this everyday for the rest of my life xx

Vunerable another key word something i heard recently and linked it to gambling, we think we are invincible but in fact we are vunrable..So here is a big high 5 for acepting our vunrability and it feels right xx

Take care

Love

Lynn

xxx

hi paddy,

well done on your " 1st birthday" and heres to the ORDINARY life !!!!!

take care and stay STRONG

Ged

Just back from Blackpool after a dancing weekend,good fun.Great to enjoy myself without worrying about gambling and having a bet.To be honest fruities were not my thing so the temptation wasn't there for me.In the main I enjoyed the Blackpool experience and count my blessings today for the freedom I've been granted. God bless you all.

Hi Paddy! So glad to hear that you're out and enjoying life to the fullest! A year without a bet. An amazing accomplishment. I only hope I can make it that far and stay as strong as you, my friend!

All the best!

Love, Anna

Hi folks,this is a sad day for me, a friend of mine who suffered from depression took her life a few days ago.She was the same age as me and having spoke to her on many occasions I found we had many similarities in our make up.I remember feeling just as she did but I never just found the courage or despair to make it happen.Thanks to the people who put themselves out for me I now have a life to look forward to, a sponsor who I can speak to when I feel no-one else will understand, this forum to help me put in print what is going on in my head and the 12 steps of recovery. Tomorrow is the final service for my friend and many people asking,why did she do it, she had so much to live for, too young to die, what about her family, unfortunatlely she left no answers to those questions,but maybe those who have found themselves in this position and have found a way back, will say a little prayer for her tomorrow.

Many thanks,

Paddy

Losing someone close is never easy to handle especially at this time of year when festivity and fun is the order of the day. Your friend obviously became lost and her world was obliterated by depression. IU have had depression too and it is hard to lift oneself from it - having loving friends and family does help though. You are lucky to have made the choice to come ont his site and take control of your own actions and make the most of your life - perhaps you will throw yourself into the positives of what you are going through - so that you can look positively at your friendship and see that you probably made a positive difference to your friend, if only for a moment. I have discovred this week that sadness lurls round every corner but also happiness too. My wife miscarried two days ago and we have lost our twelve week old child - and it has broken our hearst, crushed our souls and made us question everything. But on the positive side we have received great messages of support and know that our bond together will see us through - life can be s**t but our rsponses to bad things make or break us. I am choosing to move on - while grieving yes - but I am looking to have a good christmas - maybe it wont be great - but we are going to try to feel good about where we are so that we can try again and have a child. Your friend will be gone forever but not in your thoughts - and perhaps there is one thing she did that will make you smile or think - and that is something youc an hold onto. Wish you well JG x

paddy, thinking of you,and holding you at this very sad time

take care

love

rusty

xx

Thanks Rusty and Jack for your comments,it is really appreciated.Life has returned to some sort of normality this week.Paid a visit to a friends today and I was reminded of the loss of all the days spent gambling,he was betting on racehorses and I felt my adrenaline rushing my through my veins,wanting him to win.He turned the TV off and we chatted for a few hours.For him it is not yet a problem.It showed me I have to be on my guard at all times.

Hi folks,

Been away for a while, hoping all good with you all. I have been asked to help set up a GA meeting in Newmarket,UK. Its in early planning so fingers crossed.Thank you all for being there in my early days and hopefully I will be of service face 2 face in the near future.

Paddy

Hi Paddy

Great to read your diary and know that you are still going strong, I only been here a month and it really helps to see how other people get through. Its inspiring and I feel ever so hopeful after reading your diary

Teresa

Hi folks,

Got venue for the Newmarket meeting and its on a Monday evening 7.30 till 9.30pm. I am waiting on a start date, need to be sanctioned by regional meeting and waiting for literature. It would be great to meet up with those who visit or live near the area. The legwork is done and now it rests with higher authority.

God bless

Paddy

I don't post as much as I used to, busy times, loads to do, and life is good, its almost easy to forget how cr** life was when caught up in the pit of gambling. I know where it has taken other people and I believe it will take me there too, there are deeper bottoms to find. My sponsor says people get people well and how grateful am I to him. I have been given a precious gift. I did not know in the begining I was a sick person, I did not seem to have a choice about my gambling, once started the downward spiral began. My life was full of if only's. Why am I writing this now, because I am being reminded by those on this site and in GA that I am destined to repeat the mistakes of the past unless I change, that is the insanity I used to live with, that one day I would win the big one, as I look back I had many big wins and was never satisfied ,just one more go with the enivatable result of another big loss. Today I don't want for the same things I wanted then, there has been a change in my attitude. Its not been easy but very rewarding. Thank you for being there for me.