Recovery diary - The compulsion must come to an end.

Congratulations on confiding in some friends & changing your password...Are you able to instal a blocker to prevent this from a different angle? You need to break that Time-Money-Location triangle whilst you are feeling strong! K9 is free but I can't vouch for any of them as I have not done my damage online! There is advice on here as well as throught Gamcare I believe.

What a great age to realise the damage you are doing & it matters not that you have bought your house under lies, the important thing is you will be able to keep it!

We cannot win because we cannot stop is something we are all too familiar with but you can do this One Day At A Time!

Your whole life is ahead of you & whilst it is hard on willpower alone, you have friends to support you physically & you will make new cyber friends here to help drag you through wheb you need an extra surge of support!

Welcome to recovery 🙂

This fight can be won - ODAAT

Thanks ODAAT.

I will do my darn best to beat this. Thanks alot for yout support. I will look into the software however the issue there is that we have a shared I pad at home so any software added this would creat all host of unwanted questions. Does anyone know what the software looks like and is it possible to hide the software in the background or is it something you have to click through every time you open a web browser?

Thanks so much for everyone's help. And good luck to everyone else who is in a simlar position to me!

We can beat this!!!

So it's edging towards the end of day1. What a roller coaster today has been. Urges from hell to log on and have a go om blackjack or roulette. I have managed to repel the urges all day just by reading other peoples posts on here so thank you everyone for sharing your stories.

Whils online i had an email from an old colleague giving me details of a vacancy at a sister company. Wages are better, hours are better and closer to home so i filled in an application form which kept me amused for an hour or so.

I start back at work tomorrow after 2 weeks off sick for an unreleated surgical procedure. I am a manager of a bus company so an early start for me. Up at 0300am. Now is the hardest time for me to not gamble and i currently have a massive urge to gamble. The mrs is downstairs watching tv and im in bed alone with the I pad...

I know if i gamble, i won't sleep and tomorrow will be hell as my job needs me to be alert.

I have no idea what the software looks like but (forgive my sneakiness but I am a CG after all) maybe you could hear from a colleague @ work that he had his bank account cloned & money 'wasted' on a gambling site - putting on the blocker then would just be another protection against identity theft!

I was a mess for the 1st 3 days I think & then the fog starts lifting...You have done brilliantly today, don't chuck all this hard work down the pan! Put the iPad downstairs if you have to, it's about time you caught some Zzz anyway!

Keep fighting, a minute @ a time if you have to...It will get easier!

Thank you ODATT!! I headed your advice and took the Ipad downstairs And managed to stay off all gambling sites - Hello day 2!!

So I've arrived at work and feel pretty c**P!! It's like the marie selest. Only person here at the moment and the urge is still as strong as ever! All i want is to quickly stick a quick bet on the roullette whilst I've still got time before all of the rest of the staff arrive for work over the next few hours.

Got my fruit salad, which I'm trying to hide in but the bowl is only so big!!

If i can just make it until around 6am without getting tempted then that will be a result in itself.

I knew it was going to be hard but was never expecting it to be so difficult just to get to the next tick of the clock.

I am on the night shift too - Its difficult during quiet periods not to get involved in something. However, I am now on day 21 and the urges to gamble have lessened quite significantly, keep going as you are. Roulette was my problem and for the moment i cant ever imagine having anything to do with it again. You are at the right place with so many people who can talk.....Keep up the good work, I am at the same age as you and although we are getting close to 30, we still have a huge part to play in life........Good Luck!!

Thank you Maceymase. I have just in from a long 12 hour shift and am exhausted. Managed to stay gamble free so day2 is going as well as can be expected. The next challenge is to be home alone until the better half come back from work at 2030 tonight. A long 5 hours But as everyone has said a minute at a time, they all add up.

The urge is beginning to die a little. I'm not sure if this is because I'm so tired or because I have finally realised that if i cant stop i can't win, so what's the point!?..

Might have a little nap on the sofa with a bit of jamie olivers 15 minute meals on the TV. it seems like luxury not having a heart rate of about 2000bpm. Nice to think aboit something other than roulette or blackjack!

Day3. Been at work on another long 12 hour shift. Time for a sleep before the Mrs gwts back from work. Only have to wait around 3 hours for her tonight.

Got the weekend off which is going to be a real test. The Mrs is at work so ill be home alone for the next 3 days.

I was feeling positive yesterday evening but now, i just feel like a zombie. I was even thinking of logging on just to see that if i had a bet on roullette, would my numbers have come in..... I need to get a grip and pull myslelf together!

Keep fighting through these early days...It does get easier, I promise! I personally would advise making plans for the weekend so the urges don't catch you out because they will bloody well try to! NT has a thread of tips for keeping busy which is worth a look @ if you need to fill your voids! Don't go anywhere near the demo sites, there are plenty of equally addictive games out there to put your wit against the computer without throwing away money!

Great work the other night, you should be very proud of you 🙂

Keep fighting - ODAAT

Thanks for your support guys.

I was feeling like i was going to be tempted at home on my own so I've just walked out and am now at my sisters. Just told her I have popped round for a suprise curry. Much cheaper for me than logging on to one of those horrible sites. The Mrs text me and told me she is off out with her friends so felt like the while night on my own would have been to much for me.

going to the gym in the morning with a friend. He keeps sending me text messages saying how well he has done over Cheltenham and have found it difficult to ignor without being rude to him.

Feeling drained now but hopefully after a bite to eat and a few hours sleep tonight, tomorrow will be a brighter day.

Thanks again for your support. You are keeping me going day to day and i really appreciate your help.

Day4

Good morning! So, the Mrs has left for work and i'm home alone again.

The urge to gamble seems to have subsided alot. Although Saturdays tend to be the day where i will gamble with friends in the bookies on sports etc instead playing blackjack or roulette in secret on the Ipad or on my phone.

Just about to go the gym to try and clear my mind and think of a way to stay busy this weekend. Were going round to friends for dinner tonight which will be fun. Hopefully i won't get blind drunk and log in when i get home!

Why no blocks on devices?

Other people use the devices and I haven't got it in me to admit the problem to them. I got myself into this mess and I am determined to get myslef out woth destroying the relationships around me.

The love I have for my friends and family is my main reason for doing this. Of i tell them all how much i have deceived them all in the past, they won't trust me ever again. I will lose my FiancГ©, lose my house, lose the opportunity to have kids with the woman I love and then not only will I still have a gambling problem, ill have no life worth living either.

I will beat this!!!

Day 5.

urges to gamble are back. Thinking tharthat i could really do with a few extra ВЈ100 to get me through until i get paid. My main thaught has been to play blackjack betting £100 a hand and doubling the bet everyhand until i win.

I have tried this before but everytime i do it, it gets out of control and i end up losing everything again.

currently in the kitchen cooking dinner with the Mrs in the living room watcging TV. Why do i get these urges to gamble at such odd times!!?? i could understand if i was in a bookies or casino but I'm not, im at home cooking dinner!!!

I'm not sure how things are going to work out but I'm really not sure if i can overcome this feeling right now.