Regaining control after slip

Good day yesterday, no urges to gamble at all, need to keep on my toes and realise that there is so much more to life than the solitary world of gambling.

Football training last night, legs sore this morning, a little more wear and tear and my aging body!!

534pm today, 7 weeks into my new life

Take care all

Blues

No urges at the minute, in fact I feel that as the days go by the thoughts of giving my money to the greedy bookies is disgusting. I am struggling to understand why it took me so long to realise, but I guess one saving grace is that it could have been a lot worse.

I'm not cured, but i'm getting better

Take Care

Blues

Blues well done mate, another day and a successful one.

You have come so far mate, i think that as well, i think why did i ever start this stupid thing, what was the need for it.

Hope you have a good weekend mate.

Blues,

I'll echo Unlucky01's comments.

Your strength seems to be roaring along. That's important.

This addiction will try to get you when you are down or when you want to celebrate something. Keep the focus. Stay strong and you will be the winner. You will have the life you want. I'm in the same boat as you. We can do this !

Brian

Hi, Glad to see that you are still doing really well.

I love the thought that each day that all of us are not giving money to those evil, greedy bookies is another day for them with a lot less takings!

Have a great gamble-free weekend.

Getting There

Well, for a start, another gamble free weekend has just passed with no urges to throw my money away. Thoughts of gambling, but certainly no urge to stand in a room full of strangers writing on pieces of paper, handing over 50 x my weekly salary, not me mukka, gambling has taken the P**s out of me for long enough, so now i'm taking the P**s back!! No room for complacency though at all. So onto day 53...

One thing that has been getting me for the last 3 weeks, is the sleep deprivation, getting to the stage where i'm in a zombie like state. I am actually having little problem dropping off to sleep, but waking after 2 or 3 hours and taking another 2 or 3 hours to drop back off again. This results in 5 or 6 hours sleep a night, which would be fine but because its broken, I'm knackered every single day. Hopefully this goes away because its really starting to mess me up!

Anyway, Take care and hope you all have a gamble free day

Blues

Blues,

Good stuff mate, you really see the positiveness in your posting, very inspiring.

Sleep is also a factor for me, I wonder how much more mybody can take, I just dont sleep well at all, very bizarre dreams.

Anyway day 53 will soon be day 530 ;o)

Fair play to you and keep it up.

Smokes out

Hi Blues,

Thank you for taking the time to post on my diary - it means a lot to me.

Day 53 - wow! That is amazing progress! Huge congratulations to you mate! Well done!

Good for you - you sound like you have a lot of determination. This is what is needed to fight this evil demon. It has taken so much of my life too that it isn't getting any of it ever again. I can never go back and choose not to.

Sorry to hear you are having irregular sleeping patterns mate. I used to have this and found that one way of fixing it was to take one night where I just stayed up for as long as I could until I could take no more then went to sleep. I may have only got 3 hours sleep that night but the next night I had sleep to catch up on so slept a little longer that night and before I knew it I was back into a normal pattern. I guess we are all different and what might work for me may not for you but I really hope it goes away soon mate because a good sleep can really set you up for the day ahead.

Take care mate and I hope you have a great gamble-free week.

Micky D

No bet yesterday and no urges today. Still struggling on the sleep front but the quacks given me some sleeping tablets, hopefully they help, as not sleeping is doing me in, physically and mentally.

Things still rough and rocky at home and its starting to do my head in now. The reason they are rockier, is I have had enough of being a yes man trying to keep everyone happy. I feel my self esteem is slowly returning and don't feel like I have to agree with everything all the time, because I feel guilty about my debts.

Yes, I screwed up but thats in the past and i'm living my life for me, and my family, and other people dont like change.

Their problem, not mine,

Take care and hope you all stay gamble free

Blues

Blues,

Hello mate, long time no speak, thanks for your advice, I know, we hae come a long,long way mate, its a shame if we ruin that.

I know exactly what you mean about being a yes man mate, because we feel we let everyone down, we shall say yes to everything and never upset anyone but as time heals us, we decide to see things differently again.

End of the day, you are yourself mate, do what you think is right for you and your family.

Good luck with the tablets.

Take care mate

Well last night managed about 9 hours sleep, waking up just the once for about half an hour, those bl**dy horse tranquilisers are good stuff lol. Feel better this morning physically, but still mentally all over the place. This new life of not being the 'yes' man, is going to lose me some acquaintances, no doubt about that, an experience of which I had last night. We were having a bit of banter inwork, and there is a mouth in the group (everyone knows what I mean) who normally has to have the last word. He made a remark about mentally disabled people (which isnt out of place for him), and normally, i'm ashamed to admit, I would be laughing with the others because when gambling, I needed the security of as many 'friends' as possible, and didnt want to upset the apple cart. I would laugh even if I didnt think it was funny.

Dont get me wrong I like a laugh as much as the next fella, but I pulled him up yesterday infront of his 'supporters' ! I wasnt laughing and he said something like oh look who's a miserable t*at today, and I just replied that I laugh at things I find funny and didnt find it funny. The silence was amazing as though someone had the cheek to not find him amusing...f**k him!! Spoke to him just and the atmosphere was strange. It's funny 3 months ago I would have counted him as a friend, big difference between friends and people you know.

Anyway, hope these tablets keep working, get back on track and at 534pm today, I will be 8 weeks bet free

Take Care

Blues

Hi Blues,

Many thanks for stopping by my diary with your kind words and support - it really does make a difference.

You are now 8 weeks bet free? That is some going mate - my hat comes right off for you - massive congrats on that!

Glad to hear you are getting some sleep mate but sorry to hear your aren't mentally where you would like to be. I am kind of in the same place as you with work too - now that I don't gamble any more I keep feeling that everyone wants a piece of me. I haven't told anyone in work about my addiction but they must sense a change in me because people that would normally keep their distance now come up and chat to me.

When you give up the gambling it is as if your eyes are opened up for the first time or something and you see people around you for what they are.

Fair play to you for standing up to the office clown - people might talk about you but one thing I guarantee 100% mate is that you will get respect for it. Nobody likes the truth - this guy wasn't funny and he didn't like being told that - f**k him is right!

Many congrats on your inspiring progress mate. Keep strong, keep posting and together we will make gambling a thing of the past.

Micky D

Thanks for your continued support on my diary. It is much appreciated.

Congratulations on your journey so far. The 'Yes' man thing is typical amongst us ... like you say, it is the guilt of gambling that perhaps made us this way. I like your story about the guy with the bad taste joke, fair play to you. Its a sign of your confidence and self-esteem growing.

One thing to point out, and its just my opinion... I find it difficult to find something to replace 'gambling time' and the 'gambling drug'. Some days I feel like I want to explode and rant at people. Some days I feel like I want to do lots of different new things. I want to do things for ME. What I sometimes forget about is my poor missus who is at an earlier stage of her recovery (i.e. her understanding and acceptance). I try to be a balanced 'yes person' for her benefit and support.

Best of strength to you and keep up the great progress.

Brian

thanks for your support blues and well done for sticking up for yourself...this evil changes our personalities big time and we dont even realise it...good on you my friend,i can see the new you shining through,we can do this 🙂

Well folks, interesting few days. Was out on Thursday night and resulted in a great night and 430am finish. Needless to say, was more than worse for wear in work on Friday and (not connected with my night out), had a massive argument with my wife just before going out on Thursday (which probably explains my complete loss of respect for the time I walked through the door). Anyway, silent treatment continued and after finishing work, I drove to a favourite old haunt of mine and sat outside the bookies for what seemed like eternity. You see, I had money in my pocket, thought whats the point in this c**P, one bet and I will feel great.

I sat there for what must have been about 15 minutes until I GOT THE BETTER OF THOSE STUPID thpughts. How would me, throwing away my cash, improve an already tense situation at home? Didnt make sense but i'm telling you those demons were sitting on my shoulder and this is the first REAL cravings / urge whatever you want to call it and it was frightening. I made a decision not to gamble, but had I swung the other way, I could now be on the slippery slope. Always be on my guard in future, because I felt emotionally wrecked when I got home, it was strange. The wierd thing is, absolutely no urges for the rest of the weekend.

I am proud to say that this is day 60 with no bet, but it could have been oh so different...The big thing was, whats the point, go in and have a bet, you will feel better - glad I could take a step back and realise How would losing money make me feel better?

Take Care

Blues