Late night for me tonight, came back from work at four totally exhausted, so ended up sleeping for three hours. Now that it is actually night time (although it was dark out then too!), sleep is an elusive partner. Gambling thoughts have faded back into the woodwork for now. Finally starting to put some savings together, although with the winter service for my car coming on Friday, they won't last long.
Looking forward to a long weekend, have four days off work, and looking forward to having a few beers with some friends, watching plenty of sport and not considering gambling.
Still a work in progress, but even with two steps forward and one step back, the net result is still a gain of one forward step.
Ryan
Hi Ryan,
Good to read those nasty thoughts have faded into the woodwork, stay strong and positive and keep taking one step forwards
Suzannexx
Hi Ryan. Good to see you're doing well and keeping the diary updated. Keep strong and stay away from sports betting. Those savings will continue to get bigger and bigger if you do and there's nothing better than seeing the money in your account increase. Better off in your pocket than in the bookies.
I'd wish everyone a happy weekend, but i know its only Thursday night. Got a long weekend booked with Friday and Monday off, and was not at all smug (some might say insufferable) when I looked through my calendar, and realized that I don't have any weeks until Christmas where I don't have at least one day off. I don't think I took more than three days off in the first 6 months of the year, but it looks quite good from here.
Still not gambling, the urges to look at football acca's etc have faded, and I'm not feeling too bad. Service for the car tomorrow, so I'll see how I feel after that, especially as I didn't have any work done during the MOT this year! Hope everyone is finding strength to kick this addiction...and hopefully kick it somewhere painful.
Ryan
417
Hi Ryan, well done on your continued journey and good to see you have a long weekend off lined up. Catching up with good rest and general "me" time is always for the better. Enjoy, relax and of course keep on the safe track. Really impressive numbers of g free time, be proud! Sandra x
Hi Ryan,
Very well done on gamble free days, keep doing what you are doing and stay strong.
Enjoy your long weekend you deserve it.
Suzanne xx
I don't know what's wrong with me at the moment, it feels like those demons are coming back strong and whispering at me. Second time in a week I've felt them, and that I've checked the odds on a particular sporting event. You love sports bets remember, you don't have to throw it away in the casino games this time.
Mustn't let this BS talk me into gambling. It isn't just sports betting, and it probably never will be.
Roll on to the weekend.
Ryan
Hi Ryan,
Take heed from my experiences. If you gamble again after a long period off it... it will be the same as it was before. The whole, thought, feeling and action is the same. The aftermath of gambling will be the same. It feels so clear and obvious to me at this moment in time... if only it always felt this way. Gambling is not fun. Gambling is simply an escape from reality.
By the way, your wisdom to me over recent weeks has really helped. Thank you my friend. Have a good evening.. regards... S.A
One of the things I like about the new forum is that I don't have to keep count anymore, I just look at the profile and there it is. Still making progress, though it feels like slow progress after last week where a service and repairs to the tin can I call a car took my first hints of savings and nudged me back on to the credit card. Nonetheless, been beating down the demons that are whispering to me about sports bets. They're still there, but I'm not acting on them.
The future for 2015 is looking quite exciting, I'm not sure if its building myself up for a fall, but a bit of optimism should do me good. Got a few more social events over the next week or so, and after the work Xmas party next Wednesday, I think its time to hit the diet and the gym once again ready to put the weight back on over Xmas.
Still not completely in a good place, I had to make an excuse on Saturday not to go to a wedding, the idea of being in a room full of people just made me feel completely off. Must be something to do with what I think to be manic depression, as sometimes I'm okay with it and can have a good time, and sometimes the thought just sends me over the edge.
Anyhow, have a two day working week this week, off Tuesday to go down to a local steam railway for the day, then off Thursday and Friday to go out to see a friend's band, and then to enjoy a night of American Football, turkey and a few American traditions.
Ryan
Thanks for the post on my diary Ryan. All too often recently I too have found myself checking sports odds and I know where it leads for me because once that seed is in my mind I find it very hard not to have a bet. I am now aiming and trying hard not to look at any sports odds, or at least not to search for them. Because with all these tv adverts you can't avoid sports odds all together, and they also often show them on sports tv shows too. You have done amazingly well to go so long without a bet, don't let it suck you back in after such a long time. As a fellow sports fan it feels so good to enjoy sport for what it is and not be stressing about your sports bet. We can't win because we can't stop, but it doesnt stop the crazy feelings about how next time will be different, but it won't. Hope you beat the urges and stay strong mate.
Hey Ryan,
Thank you for your kind thoughts upon my tread.
You are doing rather well yourself and really good to see you marching on and dealing with this addiction head on.
Glad to read you will have few days off this week and those days with American traditions sounds very interesting.
Enjoy every day and keep distancing yourself from that self destruction. Well done!!
S x
Hi Ryan thanks for the post, wise words from a 400 plus day abstainer.please don't forget that because it's no mean feat that's something I aspire to. Great comment from s a you really have to zone out altogether, I like you during periods of abstinence I cannot switch off,any sport I watch or listen to on the radio I'm thinking about what the latest prices are, bookies and site's say please gamble responsible. Totally impossible for me and 99 per cent of people on this forum that's why we're here for each other. We must stop altogether their so called responsible gamblers are 50p each way on the grand national. please remember Ryan your well on the road to recovery don't throw over 400days away onwards and upwards mate Ginger
I feel like I've been on a cycle of inevitability over recent weeks, checking the odds on sports events, not getting close to actually placing a bet, but just considering things and whether or not the improvements that come without gambling are really improvements. My main skill when it comes to gambling is to sink fast and lose a lot, so I'm not sure if I'm just reaching a point where the available funds are whispering to me, or if it really is a desire to gamble. In some ways, I think having money available makes me feel like I don't deserve it. One part of my mind thinks that all I can hope for from life is to stumble from one mini catastrophe to the next, while never saving money or being able to build for the future. The other half of my mind knows that I can actually do these things if I continue to abstain and not to gamble. It's an obvious choice for anyone who's not a gambling addict.
Anyway, one more shift at work and I can prepare for a weekend of sport, computer games, eating, drinking and not gambling.
Ryan
Hi Ryan,
It's a strange and a vulnerable feeling when we do get available funds, I think it's both, the desire to gamble and that available money dying to be burnt. because we are Not used to it, I had all sorts of strange thoughts and feelings yesterday while Xmas shopping, it's like the money is burning a whole in your pocket, and not to be spent on pressies lol.
Suddenly having available money makes us very vulnerable, stay strong and keep doing what you are doing, don't let the addiction have even one penny of it, you deserve sooo much more.
Take care
Suzanne xx
Hey Ryan,
Thank you for your kind words on my diary and the offer for today.
Hope you will have a awesome time catching up with friends and that American dinner sounds yummy for sure 🙂
Now..onto the ugly bit - nasty urges. You feel very similar to me, and i guess for us compulsive gamblers obvious choice in life doesn't come easy. For me, i lack of patience (nothing new lol), and to see that bigger picture requires much determination.
I guess we should start with today. As long as we keep on top of things, that picture will become more clearer.
Anything is possible and reachable, all falls down on how much we want it.
So today is the day. It will bring you to the brighter tomorrow. Keep up the fight and reap the benefits of recovery. You're doing mighty well 🙂
Have a lovely weekend and enjoy! !
S x
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