Regrets, I've had a few, but then again....

Hi Ryan,

Hope that course is going well, and you get good news on the job front, good jobs are not easy to come by these days lol.

Keep strong and take care,

Suzanne xx

Still on the horse, even though I wonder why at times. I lurk a lot these days, I'd rather read diaries and I don't really feel like I have too much valuable to add. Been a pretty long stretch on the down cycle, the self pity and the desire to just let things go nudging temptation back into my mind. Noticed I passed 500 days a few days ago. I still feel broken, and I'm not 100% whether this is a fixer-upper, or if its worth just demolishing and letting something new be built here. I'm thinking maybe I could do with giving up drinking, not had a drink in a few days, but just feel like it contributes to my negativity.

Nothing doing but continuing to fight through, hopefully its SAD and spring will bring me back to life again. Based on how cold its been the last few days....it may be a while off yet! :P

Ryan

Hi Ryan,

SNAP my friend. Echoing my emotions in your last post. I do wonder sometimes (and told so to few friends) how i keep my head afloat while hitting storm after storm. Another drowning wave hit me at work today....just hope i can keep sailing through all this.

ummmm..how depressing lol..look at us both sounding like waiting for the ground to open up and swallow us 🙂 ...if only lol.

Anyway...you know what. As you so rightly said, spring is on the way! Cannot let addiction to win now...we are stronger than before and dealing with life's stressors in more healthy manner.

May long it continue.
500+ days...wow man! Take some credit for your commitment and determination to lead the right path in recovery.

Keep posting...keep talking. It helps and all the issues doesn't look as dark. Let's keep the fight going my friend.

(((((((Ryan)))))))

S xxx

Hi Ryan,

Feeling low is the Pitts, but as you say winter does not help, it will soon be spring my friend, (because my dafffodils are trying to push through the frozen soil lol) now that is a good sign,

Brighter days are just round the corner and with over 500 days under your belt, that is an amazing achievement, you are such an inspiration to me, because I know how hard recovery is at times.

Sending you positive and calm thoughts. And a big hug,

(((((RYAN))))))

Suzanne xxxx

Finished a weekend of 2-10s yesterday, and after a long day of freelance work, I'm back in the relaxing surroundings of work tomorrow, for a Tuesday - Saturday week. Should find out if I get some interviews this week for jobs in the next two cities down the M4, while I'm ending the week on Friday night with a punk gig. I don't generally fit in, but I still love the energy of the music.

Trying to embrace more of the things that I enjoy in life this year, been listening to lots of music as I work, instead of talk radio. Doesn't do much for my productivity, but I'm still getting things done. All my clients coming out of the woodwork to give me work this last fortnight, so been burning the midnight oil tonight. I know I tend to push things back during the week, so getting a head start was important.

Not much more news, apart from that gambling is barely a thought these days, just a hint of temptation and the occasional whisper. Who knows where I found time to gamble before!

Have a great week guys,

Ryan

Hey Ryan,

Punk gig?? Good stuff....maybe lol. Don't think i ever attended one..I'm more festivals person (ya know..glow stick in one hand, drink in the other and ravin like hell lol lol)..sayin that, my sis made me buy tickets for this years EDC in Milton Keynes in July...ummmmm.....been there before...it's simply - sick lol..so something to look forward to i guess..you're always welcome to join 🙂

Really hope your work search will come successful and you can start your new journey ahead 🙂
re my work...oh dear...not as rosy as i thought..and was stitched up..ouch!!! Lol..but that's a story for another day. Will talk soon.

take care and keep it up my friend. Every day you abstain is one huge battle won!
Proud of you

Sandra xx

Embracing more things that you enjoy in life is important. Not only does it fill the filthy void left by gambling, but it is good, healthy and rewarding. Gambling consumed my life last year at the expense of everything else. I am now revisiting my old, more enjoyable, less expensive hobbies. Keep up the good work and belated congratulations on your 500 days clean.

Hi Ryan

thanks for your post, sadly it wasn't me you saw drinking champas at the reform, although it would have been a nice gesture on their part to let me end my day there, and as for punk, blimey fella this old codger can remember it first time around.

I remember in early 1978 in a dingy little club in London (about 100 people) seeing an up and coming band called " the police" and i think the stray cats might have been at the gig too, ( memorys not what it was) never really done the hardcore punk, all that gobbing wasn't for me.

great to see everything seems good in your world mate, have a good week and a great Friday....onwards and upwards...Ginger.

Hi Ryan,

Thanks so much for your post on my diary.

Glad to see that you are still going strong and well done on 500 days my friend, that really is fantastic for you. As well as being an inspiration to me and many others on here i'm sure.

Keep strong mate and thanks again for dropping in.

Hope the mood improves, I get where you're coming from on that one.....

Cheers

Ade

Hi Ryan,

Touching the base and haven't heard from ya for a while. Hope work is not too tiring and you can enjoy well deserved weekend off. Please let me know how your interviews went if you had any 🙂

All the best dear friend

Sandra xx

Sorry for my late response....I must say that this last week has seen me clear most of the freelance work from my desk, so I can at least do a few things around it now, but working two hours of writing before work, then an eight hour shift, then another 3-4 hours writing afterward was pretty exhausting. Take the money when I can get it, just all the clients getting over their hibernation, and work came flooding towards me this month!

Anyhow, I'm still on the straight and narrow, and in my usual Sunday night insomnia mode, which I'll be paying for when I get up in a few hours. I get to meet the psychiatrist on Tuesday morning, I'm not really sure what to expect, but I hope its something positive anyway. I suspect they will give a diagnosis of bipolar, as it seems to fit fairly closely with my moods.

Enjoyed the gig on Friday night, although the venue was tiny, and if you jumped too high the ceiling was literally within jumping distance, so a few lads got a bit of a headache. As for me, I'd forgotten about the tinnitus, and although I was a little worried on Saturday when it hadn't faded, my hearing is back to normal now.

No news on the job front Sandra, I haven't heard either way on two of the jobs I've applied for, but there's another one coming up too that I think I might have a shot at, so things are up and down in work too. Watching Ireland v the Windies in the cricket world cup, so at least there's something to distract me from my lack of sleep.

Here's to a good gamble free week.

Ryan

I too am watching the cricket Ryan and Ireland are going well as I type. Like you I need to do more this year and I went to a fab gig last week. Everytime I go to a gig I always say I need to do more of this, so this year I need to hit a good few more. My mates a pub singer and hes really good so its a bit like a mini gig when i go to see him.

Hope you have a good week and hear some good news about the jobs you applied for!

Hi Ryan,

Thanks for dropping by. You sound soo busy with your freelance work,i do hope you give yourself some breathing space and looking after you.
I believe our future is what we will make out of it. Today is a good platform to make it happen and you're doing fantastic job by abstaining and maintaining!
Keep up good work and keep winning!

Sandra x

Hi Ryan,

Thanks for dropping in on my diary.

Hope it all goes well tomorrow for you. Diagnosis of some description may give you some peace of mind hopefully...

Keep strong

Ade

P.s: I live on the border of Middlsex and Surrey. Apparently Parakeets escaped from nearby Shepperton studios in the 60s during the filming of the film African Queen starring Humphrey Bogart. And have bred around this area ever since. Well that's what I was told!! Dunno if its true.........Google it and you might find out!! ;0)

Hi Ryan

The punk gig sounded like a good night, small venue, pogoing, tinnitus, you've got this old boy reminiscing, I was more of a Dr feelgood fan than the pistols though.....i wish you well Ryan and hope your meet with the psychiatrist is productive for you.

Ginger