Regrets, I've had a few, but then again....

Hi Ryan, sorry to see you have slipped, but pleased to see you come back here.

As dear S says, your feelings matter, hope you have got back to calm waters, and taking it nice and steady, again, that slip is done and dusted now, so OAUs again my friend.

Suzanne xxx

Thanks for your posts Suzanne and Sandra...getting back to those calm waters is exactly what I need to do. Did it again yesterday - I don't know why. It sometime seems as though it may be a reaction to stress, and in a way the last few months has had plenty of that. Anyway, study leave for a couple of exams coming up over the next few months, and a new job should hopefully put me back on the straight and narrow.

Now its time for the hard work to begin and the journey back to start. Still hoping to buy my own house towards the end of this year or the start of next year, but a lot of work on to get towards that goal!

Ryan

Hi Ryan...

I think once we look a little deeper gambling is always a reaction to stress of one form or another.

From what you say financial recovery will come relatively quickly but the emotional triggers that lead you to video poker is a harder journey.

Anyway, wishing you well..... take care.. S.A

Hey SA,

You read the words between the line true...for all my reliability and unflustured nature outside of these four walls...once I get home, all of those emotions and triggers pour out, and the problems stack up.

Anyhow, failed to work hard this week, plenty more days to catch up on those studies before the exam comes knocking at my door. No gambling, no real troubles, but probably having a few too many beers etc with the time away from work.

Hope this finds everyone fighting this fight well.

Ryan

Hi Ryan,

Thank you for your posts. Happened to go through right blender recently and did very unforgivable things..paying the consequences but also learning from mistakes.
Of course you have strength in you to walk through the door..of course you also need to want it (however that's not the case!..first meeting i had, i needed to be dragged there with heavy artillery cause i was in denial, second meeting which was today, i went by myself...a little more open mind..addiction still talking bull that i don't need such help but the rooms proves otherwise! I need that help, fellow soldiers putting their lives back together, sharing experiences and giving away their own recoveries to help others!)

Ryan...addiction is destructive..you know that yourself. It will not stop taking. Money plays minor part in all this - the mentality we're being left with is devastating...i cannot explain well enough...i cannot even put it down - except - please keep grabbing for life, please never ever give up, please give yourself a chance in recovery and better life, please....make that right choice daily...don't hurt yourself no more. I am no way cured..i will bever be.. i am a gambler and an alcoholic..i cannot just swap heads over..it's in me..all i can do is live with them and learn on my way. Recovery is possible, you're truly worth it! Little things in life can bring more joy than ever...
It took me 3 years to learn to listen...i only not long ago managed to hear that life is still out there if I'm willing to take it.

I want life today...every day.

Hope you're well...sorry if this post reaches you a little late...as i said - i did unforgivable things on here recently so being moderated.

Hope to hear from you soon - you can text any time of the day..i shall pick it up at some point for sure 😉

Stay safe -keep it real & look after yourself

Sandra x

Hey Ryan,

How are you? Hope exams are going well (apologies, I'm not sure when you have them over here..)
Hope you're not too stressed and looking after yourself.
4 walls huh...4 walls is somewhere i tend to hide sometimes..doesn't do us good, that's for sure.
Try to get out a little...i remember i used to even go to the middle of the field and shout my frustrations/anger out...did help no matter how nuts that was ☺ ( don't have too good vocals so didn't want to scare neighbours i guess...or end up being sectioned ☺ :-D)

Be kind to yourself and get in touch some time..know you're not alone on good and bad ☺

One day at a time...no more...stay safe

S x

Hey you!

Long time no speak ☺ just touching the base to see how you're getting on and hoping to see an update soon...never pressure but just know that we're here and listening.

Look after yourself Ryan and enjoy every day being GF.

S x

I guess it's more sentiments playing here ☺
I like this diary with all the emotions and day to day challenges being written by you ☺.

Thank you for your posts and kind support. Never forgotten and forever greatful for.

Feel free to reply to any of the diaries (choice of 3 now :-P) but never ever pressure dear Ryan.

Keep looking after yourself, you matter the most...the rest will indeed fall bk into places ☺..patience is the key!

S x