Hi everyone
I've been lurking on this site for quite some time now (years actually), reading posts and diaries. Felt it was time to start a diary myself in an attempt to remain focused.
I've had a problem with gambling for around ten years now. As I've read countless times on here, I was initially sucked in by a large win. This proved to be disastrous as the following few years I wasted my entire monthly wage on the bookies roulette. My relationship at the time suffered badly and eventually ended.
I managed to stop pretty much all together, it was always the fobts for me. However the past year or so I've fallen off the wagon and have been playing roulette online! This was mainly after a trip to Vegas on a stag do saw me get a taste for it again. I've found this to be even worse as I have no concept of money at all and just deposit until my account has been rinsed.
My last bet was on Sunday gone. I've installed blocking software on all of my computers, tablet and phone. I really need to stop this now, at 31 I should be looking at buying a house etc not scraping through the month living off beans on toast!
I have a lovely girlfriend who deserves so much more than being with someone who wastes all their money watching a virtual ball go around a wheel, waiting for 0 to drop.
Well guess this is day 6
Hi give-owa-man
I'm on the same chapter in life as you, wanting to give up them horrid machines.
Since I've been on the site expressing what Im feeling and just reading other story's has helped me so far. I'm 29 and have no money saved up and in a little bit of debt not a huge amount but so much that I need to leave this addition behind and build a new me as I have wasted way to much money and time and relationships over this.
Hi A86N. Thanks for reading, you can overcome this my friend.
I was in the town on Saturday afternoon before and after the Newcastle match. Having had a few drinks, and when my friend went home I found myself being urged by a devil on my shoulder to go and play roulette. I very nearly succumbed to this temptation but went and jumped on the bus instead. Think I'll only take a limited amount of cash out in future and leave my card at home.
Really rue the day I ever discovered that game. Anyway today is day 8 I believe, and I do have money left this month so it's not a case of being unable to gamble, the blocking software is a massive help to be fair.
Keep going, stayed focused. I am in the same boat as you, but it is hard!!
Tomorrow will be my day 20. I've got through the past two weeks relatively easily, although it's certainly a lot easier when you don't have access to a lot of cash.
Today, however, was my payday. Always a risky time, especially after living frugally for a few weeks. Found myself alone, after my Mrs had gone to nightshift. A little thought entered my head, 'why not log into that online casino account and see if you were given any cashback off your last play (blowout)'. I actually attempted to log in!
Thank God for K9 is all I can say. Anyone that gambles online really must get this installed. One urge in two weeks and it would have been back to square one without the blocking software.
Anyway three weeks without roulette and I have felt much better in my head. Was often dreaming about that stupid wheel, absolute madness.
Thanks for reading
As I'm logged in, I thought I'd let out a few things I've been thinking about this week.
The gambling has never really been about the money for me, but more a means of escape. The initial win all those years ago sucked me in, but with each passing year, the money hasn't really been important to me. I recently turned 50 quid into 1400 playing online roulette, and didn't withdraw!
It's a viscous circle really. Gambling has affected my life as it lead to me dropping out of university and getting a job (much to my Mam's disappointment). As a result I find myself in a role which is way below the level I should be at. Any plans to return to education have been scuppered as I've been skint!
I've just drifted along for ten years, existing from payday to payday. I've mainly gambled to briefly escape my life, and low self esteem. I've often felt like a failure, even worse when you see friends in good careers and buying houses.
I'm 32 this year and I'm determined to beat this. I need to have a think about some longterm goals e.g career, education etc as I believe this is the underlying reason I seek solace in roulette.
Strange thing is, I'm passionate about travelling and have always managed to stop gambling when I had a trip planned. So even though I've gambled virtually nonstop for ten years, I've been to some great place.
Anyway sorry for waffling, find it therapeutic to post on here
Andy
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