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Perry.

Will power alone appears to have got you two weeks on without a punt,my advice is use the motivation you have to put as many blocks between you and addiction. self exclusion has been a proven formula for those like me who gambled in the form of 3d and blocking software for those who feed addiction through the means of the internet.

I didn't stop gambling because I wanted to, gambling truly broke me, I fully admit that it beat me up good and proper and I willingly gambled to the point where I was one day from losing my house and the family I professed to gamble for with it.

Addiction will happily lay dormant and use any excuse to get you to live with it as your main purpose of living.

You have a great reason for seeking abstinence, to travel.

Work out a repayment plan for the debt your addiction has caused that is affordable and one which addiction can't use as ammunition to get your mindset to seek the alleged 'free' money it offers.

I gambled living with a mantra

I CANNOT WIN BECAUSE I CANNOT STOP.

turn that upside down fella.

Lastly my advice is be honest with your girlfriend, ask for her help.

There is no shame in seeking help,it for me is the ultimate answer to fighting addiction.

Addiction wants you to keep it your dirty little secret.

Take away its power by being honest.

Firstly with yourself then those you hold dear.

I have repaid financially the debt I gained through twenty years of relentless gambling, addiction tried to convince me that was the green light for action.

But the truth is I can win.

I just need to remain gamble free.

The mantra turned upside down

I DID WIN BECAUSE I DIDSTOP.

THE one selfish act today I will allow myself

Abstain and maintain

Funcs stepping forward never back.

Great post duncanmac! Fantastic advice. I wish you both well on your continued recoveries 🙂

Thanks Duncanmac, that's a really helpful post.

In relation to blockers - I have self excluded from every online bookie that I am aware of, so even if I wanted to gamble I don't think it is possible! I'm not sure i'm ready to tell my girlfriend or my family yet. I know it's something I need to do but right now isn't the right time. I totally agree that it will help my recovery and one day I will pluck up the courage to do it.

On to day 15 without a bet and feeling okay. Had a tough start to the morning when my mum was asking about my savings and how I was getting on etc. Made me slightly depressed that I said I was doing okay but I just couldn't tell her the truth. I know it's wrong to not tell her but i'm not comfortable in doing so.

I have been thinking about going to Gamcare's counselling but abit unsure as to whether I should or not. I'm not sure I want to know the root cause of my gambling!

Thanks for your post New beginning, good luck with your recovery too!

Here's to another day gamble free.

Perry

Had a better evening yesterday.

Managed to watch the football without even wanting to bet on it which is a step in the right direction.

Trying to keep myself busy generally by reading. Normally I will go to the gym or play football but I have a muscle injury at the minute which sotps me from doing that so it's making it even tougher.

Have just ordered Paul Merson's book so i'm excited to give that a read, i'm sure there will be some horror stories about gambling!

Another day gamble free!

Perry

Hi there Perry and welcome. Firstly well done on realising you have a problem and seeking help and support. I agree with what's been said re telling your girlfriend but that's when you are ready to do so. Just don't use it as an excuse to continue gambling thinking you can somehow dig yourself out of the hole without her ever knowing. Believe me I've been there, done that and bought the cliched t-shirt. It doesn't work.

I've been reading a few books recently; Keith Gillespie's, Paul McGrath's and another called Tails I Lose by Justin Rees Larcombe (highly recommend it). Might give Merson's a go soon if it's worth a read, let me know!

I play football myself and have just returned after missing all last season. You don't realise how much you miss it until you can't play! Hope the injury isn't too bad and you're back playing soon enough.

All the best

Hi Sam, thanks for your post.

I completely agree with what you're saying, i'm not keeping it from her to keep an avenue open for me to gamble, i'm just so embarrassed that I have no money saved and only have debts.

I've also ordered Keith Gillespie's book - think my mum may have a slight idea when she sees the types of book i'm reading lol. I'll let you know about Merson's when i've started it - and will have a look at the Larcombe one.

re football, I can't wait to get started again! Have missed all of pre season so gonna take me a while to get back properly, hoping the injury isn't too bad. Have a scan on Monday but i'm pretty sure it's just a pulled groin. Not overly painful but it just takes so long to heal, driving me insane as it affects pretty much all sort of exercise. Starting to get a belly on me lol.

Have just read your diary and it's inspiring! Will keep an eye on it!

All the best, have a good weekend.

Perry

Morning Perry,

Firstly well done for getting past 2 weeks gamble free, it great you have SE from lots of sites but new ones appear daily so I would suggest you look into some blocking software, or report your card stolen and when you get a new one scratch of the last 3 numbers on the back then you can’t use online. this is where have the support of someone close to helps as they can scratch of the last 3 numbers before you can see them and memorise them.

I know others have advised you about telling those close to you I won’t repeat what’s been said only to say I agree and it has been one of the key things in my recovery.

I can also recommend Tails I lose a really good read and worth picking up if you get the chance.

I see you are thinking about counselling, I’ve not done it but would say you have nothing to lose by giving it a go, its free and if after a couple of sessions it’s not for you can walk away. I choose the GA route and this has been the best gamble I ever took, this could be another option for you. I was sceptical and didn’t think it was for me, all sitting in a circle holding hands and confusing our sins to God. this could not have been further from the truth, I was made welcome by a group of people who had walked in my shoes, given advice and support and a safe place like here for me to get my thoughts out, things seem to make sense when you write them down or same them out loud.

Keep reading on here and updating your diary it does help.

KTF

Hi KTF,

Thanks for your comment - it is greatly appreciated. I only tend to gamble on my iPhone so i'm not sure what blocking software works on them - but self excluding has helped because even if I did want to gamble I couldn't. The time it would take me to find a new site would give me the time to realise what I was doing. With regard to the new bank card - I do most of my purchases online and would become really unstuck without the ability to do so. I know I sound like i'm making excuses to keep gambling open but i'm really not, i'm just comfortable with how my recovery is going at the moment and feel no need for it to change.

I have almost finished Paul Merson's book and once I have read Keith Gillespie's I will be sure to give Tails I lose a go.

I am still considering counselling and I think I will arrange it shortly.

Thanks again for your comment.

Perry

Another weekend without depositing and feeling really strong. According to my counter it is now 3 weeks since I last gambled which is already better than I achieved last time.

Have another busy week lined up so that should help for the next couple of days.

I have said all along that the main reason that I want to stop is to be able to save money to enable me to forget about gambling and go travelling.

I am going to post my debt figures at the end of every month to see the progress I am making. Here goes:

Natwest = -1,109.60 (OD facility of 2,000)

Nationwide = -500.00 (OD facility of 500)

Nationwide = -360.97 (OD facility of 400)

Nationwide Credit Card = -1,162.32 (credit limit of 1,250)

Total debt = -3,144.19

Hoping to be around -2,500 next month.

Another day completed yesterday.

Today is probably the most difficult i've had so far. Got so many urges to have a bet tonight. International football used to be easy pickings to make money. Have even tried to find new sites to sign up for wish has upset me a little.

Didn't sign up though after realising what I was doing.

I am determined to stop!

Hi Perry and welcome , You need to ride those urges out as they will come and go although it should get easier the longer you go without a bet , if your iphone is your access to gambling then maybe look at downgrading to a non internet version if it's going to be a problem ? ,all the blocks you can put in place now will help you fight the fight when it becomes a little tougher occasionally .

Just take it one urge and one day at a time my friend :))

Best wishes Alan