sh*t Or Bust

Hey lizt, thanks for your message this morning -

I'm really glad to hear that your counselling went so good last night - it is amazing that just having someone to listen to you reel off your thoughts and feelings and how good it can make you feel. Hope that you have a nice gamble free weekend planned - I feel a bit stronger on the gambling front. I just kept busy today and this took all temptation to gamble out of the picture.. Keep strong! Your doing so good

Hey n h. Glad to hear you're doing ok. Yeh got on really well with the counsellor felt really good to say the word gambling without getting that sharp sick feeling . Even now when anyone says the word gambling or i see adverts on TV i literally feel sick. It's probably because outside of here no one has any idea. I was sitting here this morning having coffee before the boys get up taking my tablets which seem to be increasing all over the place. I'm gonna need one of those bloody tablet boxes soon. Lol. Anyways. I was thinking about how I am stopping myself from gambling. Removing something that was is such a big part of my life. I would grab any opportunity to gamble . First thing in the morning last thing at night and as much as I could in between. Online is so so easy that way. So what is stopping me now. Is it for love of my kids. No i don't think so because as much i do love them they also drive me mad lol add in a loony ex husband who constantly messes with their minds which i have deal with and there is a massive trigger right there. Work . No. I love my job but it is all consuming by its nature and throw in working with the most selfish rude and very spiky woman that i have to negotiate her ego day in day out and there's a trigger there. My partner . No because he is quite a pessimist by nature but also happens to be the best person with money. Never been over drawn in his life constantly watches his money and gets depressed if his credit card doesn't have zero balance. Stack that against me who is the absolute opposite and he has no idea of just how useless i am with money so yes another trigger there. So what is stopping me. I've thought long and hard and I AM. I am stopping me. I am changing. I am refusing to let all these factors in my life keep me down in the futile escape that is gambling. I really shudder at the thought of ever seeing a gambling transaction on my bank statement. I am finding my voice that says. " you're dad is a c**k" the voice that says " don't speak to me like that" the voice that says "man up cheer up and i am s**t with money". I am changing. I have realised that the only person who can stop all this is me. People life events will always trip you up make you sad treat you badly but the only way you change the effect it has begins and ends with me. I am seeing that now. I can't change anyone else but i can change how people treat me and how they effect me. I am on my guard always as as much as I understand i still know how vulnerable i am because i still have that f*** it button!!!! Hoping for another gamble free day. Please keep me strong. Xx

Morning

Believe you CAN and you WILL

Good strong post which I can relate to

It is down to us and only us to make that choice, which simply is to abstain and maintain one day at a time

You are doing it

Keep strong determined and focused and you will win today

Take care

Suzanne xx

Keep going lizt!!! You're doing great and I can tell you're determined and with good reason! You've relied on gambling - we all seem to think of it as a "friend", a

"Crutch" .... isn't that bloody ridiculous?... it kills us! LETS ALL KEEP FIGHTING. Oh and at 11.30...cheers! Take

Care. Helen. X

Ditto to what everyone else says ... Your are great in this struggle we are all going through - I'm going to try and face it with a more positive outlook - my gambling thoughts are going to be there daily and my personal problems aren't going disappear but with a positive outlook I feel I can handle what life throws at me!

Hi ya lizt .. Where are you at? Are you doing ok - I don't like it when people I'm friendly with on this don't post for a while ... Tho I probably shouldn't judge everyone else by my own standards. I hope your ok. I have had a pretty decent last couple of days and long may it continue ... Let me know when u get a chance that ur doing alright. NH

Good morning. Ah thanks for that. I'm still here. Still gamble free. Was out at a friends all day yesterday. Got quite tipsy and couldn't really see to write!!! I'm so glad you're doing ok. Each day at a time. I've had a big to do with my boys father which normally i would dissolve and let him take over the conversation and bully me in to submission but i didn't!!! I held my ground and didn't really let him get a word in. He couldn't cope with it and was freaking out on the phone. My first port of call after heated talks with anyone usually sends me of to slot land. I really wanted to cut because i was so chuffed with myself for not backing down i couldn't do it to myself. Had a talk with myself and reminded me that it was only me that could change. Poured a glass of wine and watched doctor who with my boys!!! Hope you have a good may today. Xx

If you are happy enough to stay in touch via email or whatever check out my diary where duncmac has kindly posted how you go about it.. No hassle or rush!!

Yes definitely. I'll have a look now xx

Hi litz,

You are doing so well .

Every family has a bully in it. Learn to say "no" to them and you say "yes" to yourself and children.

I am listening to you-tube videos to get saying no into my head.

I understand now why I went into zombie mode... It was easier to tell people what they wanted to hear.

No more!!!

Now I say how it really is.

Take this slowly because it is a complete turnaround.

I get a headache after each battle but the headache goes and I don't give a penny to the slots /bingo.

Look after yourself, be kind to yourself. It helps you recovery .

Suzy

Thank YOu Suzy!!

Same to you . I used to die at the thought of conflict so would just go a long with whatever even if it made me feel awful inside. I'd have all these words screaming around in my head but would open my mouth and say " Yeh that's fine" then run off to my corner and gamble feeling lousy about myself.. NO MORE... Keepstrong and stay safe... We are so bloody doing this!! xx

Another day down and I am still gamble free. It's funny it's always there in my mind. Used to be when can I next gamble working it out thinking if I get out of work early i can pop home for an hour before the school run. For a while it's been the shame and guilt but never mind one big win will put everything right. what a load of b*****ks!! I still have thoughts and sometimes almost Google new sites or searched for old ones but now I have this inner voice that can still acknowledge the easiness of being able to gamble and sometimes wishes i could just have one game of bingo or a few quid on the slots but i know deep down it would never end there. I know that I would convince myself that I could go another twenty it wouldn't matter that i was in control i gambled because i chose to gamble. Then I would wake up the next morning with that sick shakey ashamed gutted feeeling. I can't do it. I can't put myself back in that position for once in my last god knows how many years i feel like I've got the moral high ground with the controlling bullies that i seem to have around me and that my gambling made them acceptable. I'll say it again looking at my bank statement without the string of gambling deposits 20 30 50 100. A statement of the desperation of a compulsive gambler. Increase the stakes to maximise the win to get back the losses. How does that make sense in your head but it does when you are there. Any hoot I'm still here still fighting desperately trying to keep strong . I cannot win because i cannot stop. Fact xx

Good to hear that you got through another day and even tho I don't know anyone personally from this forum i think of you all as friends and it makes me very proud when I read that someone has managed to abstain. I know it may sound strange but I feel even more proud on the days that I have slipped off the wagon.. Keep it going lizt. I have struggled slightly today and I have nowhere to turn but I didn't gamble so I'm happy I showed some will power...

Ahhh!! You know what so do I. I love chatting on here. I feel like i can bear my soul. How's things at home. When you say no where to turn what do you mean. Can I help?? I've got great ears. A bit too big for my head and slightly deaf in one but they are good!! Well done for not gambling . Added stress can really cloud your resolve. Like someone said it feeds on negatives. Be proud of yourself for staying strong. Xx

I just seem to see to betting everywhere... When I go running, go to the shop for milk, watching telly - all seem to have adverts for bookies and I guess over time you notice this less and less when you begin to get stronger.. I wish I was able to talk to someone around me about how I'm feeling and I just feel like screaming every time I see anything betting related!