I have been there and done that. After one year of gambling free, my relapse started a few months ago and it went really bad. I felt so guilty and angry at myself for doing it again after all those lessons I learned I can't win in gambling. So I don't know what to say... but we are on the same page.
PositiveAction wrote: Day 0 Not sure what the hell happened. Was so strong in my previous diary and now here I am approximately 8 months since last 'strong' entry. I've been gambling for probably 7 maybe 6 of those 8 months while not visiting here. Really am sickened by how sneaky the gambling affliction is... Literally just got back under my skin now I'm in more debt, behind on bills and payments and wondering how I've let this happen... I'll work it out, so disappointed and angry with myself right now. Back at the start of the climb out the hole, ridiculous!!! So very angry about this and the troubles and stress I've caused myself. Feel a bit better being here though getting it out of me. Can't believe. Madness.
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Are you actually going to accept God’s help though? He can’t work miracles alone & it’s no good just wanting it different!
I get that you are a proud man, strong as an Ox so use some of that strength to take the support that is out there, think of it as an ally crossing dangerous territory if you need to...You can’t fight a war alone!
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o*g, that is one of the most heart wrenching posts I have ever read 🙁
Part of me wants to yell about you getting over your stupid male pride but I completely get it & I hate that I do! For a long time I’ve kidded myself that my niece & nephew would do well to go into the uniform services, that half our inner city gang problems would be solved with National Service, give the kids a place to belong, but that’s smashed my rose tinted glasses to pieces! I hope that the ‘sometimes’ you refer to are the brave men & women that end up with PTSD getting proper support, although I know that that too is a fairytale!
It’s utterly heartbreaking & I want to ask, can you not have counselling through GamCare discreetly or go to GA (anonymous being the operative word) when you aren’t on tour but I’m guessing that’s all pretty irrelevant really because when all is said & done, you think because you have been through so much & can survive the atrocities you have then why not this.
So fine, do it your way but don’t leave it to the GamCare Gods! This is a great place for support, lots of lovely arms round the shoulders & the occasional bit of cracking advice but if you are going to address this alone, get educated. There are plenty of books out there on the subject, lots of online stuff that can help you to help yourself.
Nothing I can say or do can drag the Services into the 21st Century & to some extent, I understand the need for the stubbornness that is drilled into you all to make you mentally & physically capable of withstanding superhuman activity! But! You can still run a marathon with a broken arm...Maybe our brains aren’t disimilar to our bodies & different parts can work independently of each other.
You are not worthless, far from it & you have no idea how much I am willing you to find a safe onwards path - ODAAT
Agree with ODAAT'S post you are not worthless at all and I too wish you well in finding a safe passage.
Hang in there.
Wilsy
Hi PositiveAction,
really sorry to read how challenging your situation is and how torn you are over getting support.
Just to let you know, GamCare offer confidnetial counselling, and this can be attended online as well, if you are not at the same place all the time.
Please get in touch with our Netline here or call the Helpline on 0808 8020 133 to discuss a referral or even if it is just for the opprotunity to talk to someone. You don't have to 'hack it' alone.
All the best,
Eva
Forum Admin
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Liking your post but not liking the number of emails you have had since you asked to be excluded for the maximum period. Admire your resilience and so pleased you are done with the industry. You'll smash day 5 and you'll smash the weekend, I can see you getting to double figues and treble figures with the determination you have which is bucket loads.
All the best for your weekend
Wilsy
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It’s okay if you just had a relapse. I had relapses twice too in the past few months that saw me lost 14k. You can’t win in gambling simply. Try to fill the void in the place of gambling. But it is hard but try. Find some motivation to quit and to enjoy your life again without gambling.
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