Slots recovery

Hello Dianeg74

Welcome to the forum.

Well done for having the courage to register for counselling and join the forum at a difficult time.

Many if not most people come to the forum feeling scared, ashamed and a whole heap of other emotions. You're not alone here, this is a safe place full of people who understand, want to help you and can help you.

I'd recommend that you start your own diary here to receive more support, advice and track your progress. If you click on 'recovery diaries', scroll down to the bottom of the page and you will see - on the left - a blue 'new topic' rectangle. Click on the rectangle, make a post and you have a diary.

Keep reading around the forum - you will find others who have come through a similar situation to your own, some in a familiar predicament and people somewhere in between. You will gain strength from others on the forum.

Hello Being Present

Welcome (back) to the forum.

Pleased to see you comeback fighting and self-excluding - keep it up.

Never easy to stop - easier to stop trying. Learn from last time and keep learning along the way. There is going to be ups and downs but those moments of feeling horrendous will ease with time replaced by feelings pride.

Enjoy your evening.

Blessings to both

Glint

II

Horrendous fail. Spent everything in my account. Over a thousand pounds. Up all night. Told parents what I'd done in the morning. They are furious. My mother cried. My dad called me a liar and that I've been lying all week. I don't blame him. I wasn't lying tho until I gave in to the urge last night. Then started chasing. Ridiculous. I wasn't lying when I said I wanted to get better. I wasn't lying when I self excluded everywhere.

But then I did it again anyway (an account reopened after a timeout). I hate myself. Despise myself for what I've done to my family. I spoke to the gamcare people and now have a real world assessment on Wednesday. I got my dad to talk to them too. I don't want to live like this. I am sorry

Hi. ..sorry to see you've had a slip up....like you my addiction 230 odd days ago was online slots !
I assume you deposited via a debit card ?
Ring the bank and report it lost...if it was PayPal ring them and I think you can have a restriction put on to block payments to gambling sites....but not sure...if it was ukash...then I sugest carrying no cash....all hard decisions to make...but will stop you depositing in a moment of madness....
The early days are so so hard....but it can be done....if you really want to...even if you got that massive win....you'd still loose it in the end love....that's what we do...compulsive gamblers who can't stop...
I'm sure your parents do feel let down....so think your telling fibs. ..get real things in place so they know you can't play on the slots
Yes...it's going to take a while for dust to settle...things to improve...but I will happen love...every day you don't gamble is a day towards a new life for you and that little boy....not easy...but it can happen
Take a look at my duary love...it may help...it may not...but you've nothing to loose...take care...stay strong.. stay on here x

Thank you for your comment Loxxie. I just feel devastated.

Hi BP , without sounding harsh we can all find an excuse to gamble , " This was left open " " I didn't do this " or even " A full Moon on a wet sunday in September " but the truth is it's all about you and your mindset and if you can't do it unaided at the moment then just hand everything over Card's, cash the lot , have an allowence given you for daily expenses and provide reciepts to account for everything at least until you can trust yourself a little , some times drastic times call for drastic measures .

Don't sit there devastated , get pro active , sort laptops , iphones out and look for windows youv'e left open and close them tight shut , if there's nowhere to gamble and no funds to gamble with then all thats left to deal with is you ??.

Don't be to harsh on yourself but do what it takes :))

Alan

I know it was me. I'm not trying to get away from that.

I've cancelled cards etc. I have no access at all to funds.

It will get better love...let the days mount up....get some distance between you and the last splurge...hopefully the dust will settle soon and your head will feel clearer...x

thank you Loxxie and Alan.

Day 2 nearly done. Counselling assessment tomorrow.

It's such a disaster when we have good intentions but fail at the first test. Don't expect your family to understand but don't differentiate this from not caring. Abstinence gets easier the longer your off and maybe you will appreciate it more for your failures. Think of your son and use him to get you through your wobble moments best of luck and I'm sure you will move forward from here. Thank you for reminding me of the hell that is compulsive gambling.

This evening I've had "fond thoughts" of the slots. God knows why. Fortunately I'm now completely locked out. So I can't. But if it was will power alone I think I'd fail. I'm only on day two for goodness sake. God I think I might have to keep the financial blocks in place forever. (I have no access to online funds now). I bloody hate gambling yet it gave me an escape which is what I crave as I live with other difficulties, as I'm sure we all do. I don't want to go on the slots. Yet I do. It makes no sense. Thank you to all those who are doing so well and encourage us newbies that it can be done. I am not going to gamble tonight or tomorrow. Or ever. It's a false high and is not my friend. It just leaves destruction for me and my family. thank god for the blocks.

Stay strong hun
One day at a time. ...with proper blocks you can get there....when the urges strike...come here instead...we can play charades...or give us a clue...knowbody said you have to be miserable all the time xxx

Thank you Loxxie. The fond thoughts have passed again now. But I know they'll be back.

Not entirely sure how we'd play charades via a forum but the thought made me smile xxxx

That's exactly what it was meant to do !
: )
X

I feel very very frightened today. Not about gambling (the blocks make me safe from that) but about the stuff that lead me to escape via the slots. Feel like I can't move. So scared of the future. I've always had a chronic depressive illness which is generally well managed (people are genuinely shocked when I tell them) but sometimes if something really stressful is going on I basically come to a grinding halt. I have my initial assessment this afternoon.

Hi there BP, just had a read at your diary and I can relate like all CG's can so you're not alone. Life can be extremely difficult at times and it sounds like your default action when stressed is to gamble, that's just like me so I know what you're going through. It's only clouding and compounding the problems even though it makes us feel good at the time. As was mentioned above the early days are wothout doubt the hardest (in my case anyway) and your head will be all over the place. Do whatever is necessary right now to get you through these first few weeks and months. Take it one day at a time, one hour or one minute if necessary. One day gamble free is better than a whole life of gambling, imagine what a lifetime gamble free will feel like.

You mentioned you have a son also. There is an excellent reason to kick this addiction. How much happier would he be seeing you happy and not living with the chaos gambling brings!

All the best