Slots recovery

Thanks for dropping in Sam and for your comments. My boy (also a Sam) is my be all and end all and I have to get through this so I can be the mother I should be. Had my initial assessment - it was really good and they're getting me in quick because of my situation and September is basically a horrific month for me. The anniversary of my assault is coming up and I'm in court at the end of the month. It's really clear that my slot machine escapism (and the carnage I've caused myself financially) is very much secondary to the fact that I'm so petrified of what's coming. Thing is logically I know it's stupid to be scared, I did nothing wrong and have told the truth throughout. I was the victim. I don't think I have PTSD but I think I am traumatised by the impact it had on my life. If anything I understate the impact it had on me as I cope best (when I'm coping) by slapping a smile on and saying I'm fine. Somehow that lets me function and manage the pain. If I start focusing on the pain it almost feels worse. I get angry and frustrated. I have to take things easy and only work part time but I want to be able to do that. and I don't want to be "that woman with the bad neck who's always moaning about it".however fact is I am petrified and this isn't going to disappear. I can't control that but I can choose to not behave like an idiot and lose myself in the slots. And that is what I choose. One day at a time, it's going to be horrid at times but that is not a coping mechanism I'm going to use. However I am in no way complacent and all those blocks are very firmly in place and not going anywhere.

Feel pretty awful. Walked little man to school but found it really hard. Home now. Seeing my boss later to discuss wth I'm going to do about work. Gp just called and wants me to stay off. I know she's right but I feel like I'm headed for unemployment. Hate feeling so empty. My mood tends to improve a bit in the evenings. Mornings are the worst. No real urges to gamble although were I not to have made the decision to stop I would have now. It was a way of escaping from this horrible emptiness.

Personally I think work is a good think as gambling thrives on boredom and work keeps the money situation balanced. I have done it the two ways and found work is prob best for keeping things tipping along. Keep it going it does get easier

Hey
Stay strong..
You've obviously got more to cope with than just beating this addiction...which on its own is a mammouth task ....
I don't think any gp would want you off work if there wasn't a need...
You say your fearing unemployment....no employer can sack you for being signed off
Court case looming. ...yes I'm sure it's a very worrying time love....but like you said youve done nothing wrong.....and actually you could worry 24 hours a day about it....would it change or make the case any different ?. .no
So it's a waste of your emotions to fret about it....
Concentrate on the things you can change love...
Not gambling
Spending time with your little man...
Your family...your friends...
Spring cleaning...decorating....anything that gives a posative result....which in turn..makes you feel better about yourself...another thing we all loose whilst in the dark tunnel of compulsive gambling....
I now try to turn every negative thought...event..occasion into a posative....bit of a challenge....but keeps my brain busy ! lol
It's all still very early days hun. ..
Stay strong...zx

I am lucky. I've got other stuff that's bigger than the slots. I used the slots to avoid thinking about the big scarey stuff (don't get me wrong I got pleasure from it, but i see it for what it is now). I'mlucky because the c**P I've got to go through, and the fact I tried to escape from it via the slots, is just that. Utter c**P. Whatever happens in my real life, I'm me and I'm ok. Something Horrid happened to me and changed my life. But I still have a life. The people that love me will still love me even if what's happening doesn't go my way. It should. But life's not fair and it might not. to anyone reading this: you've got stuff that's bigger that the slots too. It might not seem that way but it's true. Self exclude everywhere. Tell someone. Let someone take control of your finances. There is no joy in winning from gambling because you'll pay it right back, and some. And then you've still got to do real life anyway. So cut out the middle man! Xxxxx

Hi how are you doing x

Hi BP I relate so much to everything you say, I had PTSD about19 years ago due to assault and it lasted years culminating now in depression and anxiety. There's always good to come out of bad and that is this will make you stronger and you'll get justice. Justice can help you move on. I'd also get support for your horrendous experience and there's agencies that can support you through Court. Deal with the core issue and also the counselling for the gambling. You can do this hun we are strong women :)) I'll post more later if you want of course lol X best wishes X Lu