spose this is day one

Cool and good to hear it, BUT there is a long way to go but at least and at last you have felt how good it is not to gamble.

All the best Dan

tis a long way to go back into reality today work

was ok hard cus its work but no gambling work roll on no gambling tomorrow!

so low self esteem was probly my down fall for gambling. its easier to waste a chunk of money than to earn it.its also easier for somebody to knock ur self esteem than it is to build it back up.

maybe now im face to face in the real world my self esteem my insecurities all the thingsthat were contained in my gamling bubble are more open and out there.

dnt think ive ever been a worrier or botherd bout what people say or think but just latley i have.

i can see why if something upset me my knee j**k reaction was to gamble,never thought bout these issues before now,i do need o address these issues and now mabe my minds not every minute of the day consumed by horses and gambling i can address these problems in my life.

i no im walking a very thin line im still so aware of what i am,but im also finding and changing who i am.and hopefully a knock back or a comment in the wrong place wont send me back.

today i will not gamble

Hey Dan

i'm glad you had a good easter break and enjoyed some company of friends. it's good your starting to look within yourself and find out why your gambling...

i have low self esteem too but i think i was gambling more to stop anxiety rather than because of the self esteem thing...but then again the more i gambled the more i felt cr**. then the crapper i felt the more i gambled...definately easier than facing up to true feelings thats for sure.

i am now also trying to establish new ways to cope without gambling i think thats a big part of the recovery process for all of us.

hope you enjoyed your gamble free weeked.

regards

nwn

another gamble free weekend goes by seems ok at the mo. i shant be gettin complacent tho.

my partner is struggling with the trust sid4e of things, i dnt no how to handle it myself i no shes not gunna trust me and i react to it when ishouldnt, n she is finding this part hard to, just havnt got any advice for her on what to do. ive asked her to post in the freinds n family section on here so hopefully she will and will get sum advice. still one day at a time.

Dan,

At this moment in time , she has the right to be angry and not trust you , my wife is in the same boat. I find it hard when she get's mad and doubts me as I am trying harder than I have ever done with amything but after all the s**t I have put her through she now deserves to call the shots despite what I think. I believe your gf should post in the family/overcoming problem gambling section. Unbeknownst to me , my wife posted on Sunday when I was at GA under the name TB, I would appreciate if you could give this a read and offer any advice as you have been a good help to me on my short journey. It is in the Supporting a problem gambler section.

hey dan

where you been i had to drag your diary back from the depths of PAGE TWO!!! hehe jk

Hope you're doin alright mate jsut wanted to let you konw that i self excluded today ... without the support and advice from you and stevey i probably wouldn't have . so thank you for saving me from that!

All the best,

nwn.

yeah it has been a while.

but only good things have happend. ive not relapsed so no worries there,been spending quality time with my partner she sees how well im doin in all aspects of my life. things really have changd for me these last 2 months. im not thinking about gambling much at all the odd thought but nothing i cant handle im exercising(not at the mo done my back in and it hurts!) eating healthy these are things i wouldntve done in my gambling bubble. im getting the support i need shes hard on me but i no why so its cool.

i,m worried ive been complacent so i will not break from posting again just keep reminding myself of the pain and how proud she is of me and ill be fine

been struggling to get on this website for some reason today.

well im off work with me bad back so this is my first saturday alone and at home since i quit nearly 2 months ago now.

was ok till i looked at thetime realised it was about the time the racing was on.

feel a bit nervous and jittery dnt wanna go out cus i no ill just be on edge prob nbetter off aone then where i can control myself

dnt feel the urge to bet just feel like im aware its on today more than any oyher day.

my partners off doing the family stuff so i gotta adjust to my day myself today which i can do. needed money for food today,she left just enough in my account that i couldnt go to the cashpoint and draw any out wich is cool. dont wanna gamble anymore anywayi do feel strong cus i no what i can have without it,

just a bit nervously aware thats all. tomorrwo is two months since my last disatorous bet so thats good that time is moving on. and for those that were with me from the start no smoking still either!

Hey brilliant with the no smoking and no gambling wey to go!!!

Inspiring to read your diary and know despite the odd urges your not acting on them. If you can do this then so can I!! first day for me so a long way to go but we all have to start at the beginning.

Sorry to read you have a bad back and hope you get better soon and back to the exercising.

Min x

Dan, Nasty bad backs are the pits man , hope you are getting a bit better with it.

Two things I wanted to post about.

1) When my wife was away and I was bored and often drinking too much that was when I gambled to disastrous levels. , Don't let boredom beat you.

2) A mate of mine is new to Gamcare , only reading stories at the moment. He is a horses man and speaks regularly of your story and how it is helping him so please keep posting.

so its been 2months to the day that i stopped gambling. didnt ever think i could make it that far. and alot has changed in 2months mainly me and the way i look at things and do things.

my mindset is diferent im not the same person even i can c this.

im under no illusions im not"cured" but i think im on my way to becoming a non gambler slowly. still going a day at a time. when the odd thought comes in that i think just a little bet (and it aint very often) i just say nah not today cant b arsed gotta do sum exercise intstead!

having things to do helps, having somebody thee for u to talk to is amazing to, thses last few weeks have shown me what i have without the gambling and its so much beter than what i can have if i bet. its the person i am away from gambling i want to be and i think dan is slowly coming back to reality people.

life can only get better i wont let disappointment or fights or low self esteem drive me back to gambling. im dan im a complulsive gambler last bet was 26 feb

that sounds good. on with another month

so start of the third month of gambling.

went to g.a lastnight if im honest didnt really feel like going but wen i got there it was a big reminder of how my life couldve gone deeper into trouble, i think i got out just at the right time before i got myself in BIG trouble.sometimes i think i shouldnt waste thee time with my stories after what they have been thru my story is nothing.

but when u listen to them u hear bits and bobs that relate to ur life and thats why i keep going cus i am a compulsive gambler, dont wanna be complacent or to go stale at the meeting so im gunna try and take something from each meeting and act on that thing in the week. need to see a friend this week that i havnt had much time for latley cus of my gambling and because i been sorting myself out , but the books teach u morals and if my morals are good then that should be ok dnt matteer bout anybody else. so im gunna go see him maybe tell him the truth of where i been , im not sure tho it scares me as ive only told few people and one person particluary i trust with my life so its different wen its a mate not my soul mate. not sure how hell react or wether he can keep it to his self for now.i feel i ned to explain and be honest bout what i am,im not embarassed well i am but im more proud that i am making the steps im making towards becoming dan again.

i also realised last night no matter how long uve gone not gambling it can still catch u out so i must keep the barriers in place if i see one slipping i must find another so it dosnt get me, i think majority of people will slip up,im not saying i will cus i hope i dont but if i do i hope i have the strength get back into the way im thinking now. another day away from the 26th feb

Hi Dan

Well Done on 3 months.

Be proud of what you are achieving.

And like G.A. says...meetings make it...the more you go the more you get out. Sometimes I go to meetings and I don't say a thing, but because I listen, I am taking so much out of a meeting, which gives me my weekly medicine to handle this additcion.

I can always relate to someone in my group and there is still so much to lean and change about me. I'm not sure if a lifetime will be enough time. But like I said to someone else..this is not a race..no trophy at the end or a price...just peace of mind and the knowledge that I have tried my best to be the bestest person I can be.

Thank you for your mesage in my diary.

You take care my friend

Stay safe

YSIR(your sister in recoery)

God Bless

Charly x

Hey Dan

How's it going mate? Hope you're having a good weekend. Seems like everytime I come here you learned something more about yourself and your gambling...you really are giving this your all. and i'm sure the ppl in your life would totally see that and repect you for that because what's in the past doesn't matter all that much , it's what's in the future that counts. I have a feeliings yours will be great 🙂

i can't believe you managed to quit cigs as well. ive been smoking as much as i ever have. would like to quit but i think i'll just try n stick mastering the recovery of one vice at a time for the moment. don't think i'm as strong as you, maybe i'm not as ready to change my life.

thanks for letting me see those things that's really helpful.

hope you're having a great weekend.

nwn