STAR'S DIARY-WITH MY HAND ON MY HEART

Hey star...glad to read your feeling calmer...stepchange are great ..they won't judge you...it's what they do....and I told myself when I rang them and companies I owed..''im only an account number''....they don't know us...I've found all companies have been good....as long as you are trying to get in track....you will feel so much better love when you have a plan in place....good luck xx

Step change are great be honest tell them everything no point keeping anything back. Great to see your positive I could see the slip coming you was putting to much pressure on yourself speaking with them will take some pressure off.

KTF

Star....how you doing love...xx

DAY 5......Sorry I haven't been around much the last few days. I've been super busy at work and on a training course along with the dreaded flu again. The last few days have flown by and still no thought of gambling have entered my mind, only that gutting feeling that I should be looking forward to day 60 now! I ordered the Allan carr book and was hoping it would have arrived by now but it hasn't so I downloaded it on kindle instead... I'm so impatient!! So far he makes sense and I'm really looking forward to reading it until the end. I think I've come to realise, and correct me if I'm wrong that it all boils down to luck. You have to simply be in the right place at the right time. I will give u an example.... The jackpot was due to come out on the slots. It happens randomly from anywhere between £13-£19,000 usually. There are 8 slot machine and only two people were playing. Along comes this guy and sits so now 3 of the 8 machines were occupied. He had no clue what to do so asked a slot attendant... On his first £10 the machine lit up red and he won the £19,000... He still hadn't realised and asked why was this flashing up on his screen. The other two players were regulars who spend thousands at a time... They were P*****d off to say the least as they felt the jackpot had been stolen from them by a total stranger!!! I really need to buck my ideas up. I have SO much still to pay for this holiday, along with expired passports, summer clothes and at least £1,000 spending money. I wonder if it's doable.... It is doable and to my embarrassment I shall tell you why. On Tuesday evening I was going through an old purse of mine getting rid of old receipts etc. Tucked away in a hidden picked I found 6 weeks worth of withdrawal receipts totalling just over £2,000. I felt sick!!! It made me realise just how much I could have and that I am the only one that causes my struggles. I don't ever want to see receipts like that again-I'm ashamed to say the least. I'm still not sure why I'm not beating myself up this time round, can't seem to put my finger on it but it just feels different. I hope I continue feeling as positive as I do today.......... XxStarxX

Hey star...hope that positivity is still with you hun.xxx

It sure is Loxxie... I have a busy weekend planned so should keep me out of trouble! Xx

Great to hear star ..your twinkling now xxx

DAY 9. That's come around way quick. Not much to report really other than I haven't gambled! That's the main thing at the moment right?! Still feeling quite strong. And I have been busy revising for my exam next week so I haven't had much time to spend on here but hopefully I will pop in everyday again real soon xx

Hey star...your doing great...hope the revising is going well x

That's has gone quick Star double figures again tomorrow. What are you studying for? Did you ever call step change or the like?

KTF

Day 10. Double digits.... Again. Today I had an urge. For a minute I wanted to go or at least thought about going. I'm not sure why, maybe because I allowed my brain to go there again. Of course I didn't go and I wouldn't go but it was a scary thought. I need to get my a*** in gear and start saving for this holiday otherwise we will be surviving on sun, sea, bread and water on holiday. Sort of roughly worked out if I can save £200 a month I would have 1k to take away with me but of course I need to clothe shop for me and the kids before I go. Times like these I realise what a P***t I have been and it still makes me sooooo angry!!! I haven't contacted step change as of yet but I have written to a company I owe money to with an offer to pay a small amount per month. Not sure they would accept it but if anything it will buy me a little more time... I'm hoping so anyway! I don't believe this will ever leave my life fully. I remember when I gave up smoking for a good few months and one drag was all it took to get me started again. I fear this big time, but as usual I can only take one day at a time. I'm done with beating myself up. I wouldn't want anyone to walk in my shoes......... So in a way right now I feel it's quite an achievement to have lasted nearly 60 days. There's a loooooooong road ahead but right now I'm only thinking about today xxxx

Hi star day 10 is here already. Keep going lovely. Give step change a call it may free up extra money for your holidays xx wcid

Double figures star, well done you.

Small steps forwards is the sure way to go :)))

Keep strong and keep focused,

Suzanne xxx

Day 11! The days seem to be going faster this time around but maybe it's just because I'm so busy and have a lot going on at the moment. Can't seem to get to sleep tonight, usually I would have had at least a couple of hours kip by now! I've started ready Allen carr's book and it sort of puts me in a trance and I find myself nodding my head in agreement with what he's saying. If people could see me they would think I was crazy lol. If you haven't read it, give it ago... It's pretty good so far. I'm still hearing the slots in my head from time to time and my mind wonders there occasionally but to be honest I think that will always be there. It still amazes me how it can suck you in so deeply. It's like a leech that doesn't want to let go. Like a mosquito that just wants more of your blood. d**n things! I live in hope that things will get better eventually and that one day the feeling of longing will be in the long distance. Right now I can still smell it and almost touch it. It's still very early days for me but reading success story's on here I know it's achievable so I'm holding on as best I can and hoping for the best. Anyway I must try get some rest as tomorrow is course and test day again xxx

Hi star...

Sounds like animal Kingdom going on your way ;-))))....keep whacking them on the head..they will leave ya at peace one day!
Saying that..we have nats or whatever they called round the house (consequence of weather me thinks lol) and keeping hold of one of the cats so he can swipe them away!..bless ....but does the job well ☺

Look after yourself and well done on your g free days!