Sooooooooo,
Ive decided to stop.
This is the start, ive just lost £51. Money that is not going to kill me because its not in my bank account. But add it to all the other £50's and it makes quite a tidy sum this year. at a guess i'd say ive P***** about a grand away so far.
My problem is online gambling & online banking. Its a deepset problem, the money online doesn't seem real, its not physically in my hand so to me it doesn't exist. I dont miss it when i lose it because in my head it wasn't there in the first place!
if i physically go into a Bookies with real cash in hand, i will bet sensible realistic 'enjoyable' amounts (unless im drunk & then sorry for the pun but, all bets are off). Ive started to counter the problem by withdrawing my wages and having it in my wallet. Since then i havn't lost any of it in the bookies. i left the money for the bills in my bank & half of that has gone on the horses.
I rekon ive been self-excluded from 98% of online bookmakers, my most recent application was put in today around 10 minutes before i started writing this. Somehow i always seem to find a new one. People have suggested Gamblock to block my access, the only problem with that is it costs money. Now i'm sure its an excellent piece of software, but in my head £30 for that is £30 that could be spent on the horses and i wont allow myself to have it.
Let me tackle the issue,
WHY DO I GAMBLE?
These are the reasons i can see,
I have a stressfull Job 1
I have too much spare time on my hands 2
I have too much spare cash 3
i enjoy it 4
I have been trying to tackle No2 with new hobbies which are helping so they should help me trying to 'get clean'.
No3 when i say i have too much spare cash, i mean i would have if i didn't P*** it all away on the horses.
No4.......maybe the toughest to tackle, i do enjoy the rush and feel of gambling, but the more i gamble the more money i need to stake to feel the enjoyment and as ive lost sight of the value of money this could get dangerous.
No1 my job is stressfull, and just as i get in from work is the time i'm most likely to gamble. I'm not going to quit my job as i love it. But if i didn't have the job, i dont think i would gamble as often.
my aims
rediscover the value of money 1
stop online gambling 2
stop gambling all together 3
No1...im going to tackle this the same way i have done already, withdraw all my wages and just leave money for bills in the bank. As im self-excluded from all the major bookmakers i'm hoping this will be the easiest to manage
No2....Stopping online gambling. I hope to do this with my numerous self exclusion and the help of this diary, instead of gambling when i get in from work i'm going to add some notes in here.
No3....The main aim...well its got to be No2 is the most important to me to gain control over my gambling No3 hopefully will come in time.
Well thats it, the grand plan. it works in principle and hopefully it will work in practice 🙂
Christ i cant half babble on.........
Hi CVimes
People have suggested Gamblock to block my access, the only problem with that is it costs money. Now i'm sure its an excellent piece of software, but in my head £30 for that is £30 that could be spent on the horses and i wont allow myself to have it.
This is so true of a compulsive gambler. Ask yourself 100% honestly. Do you want to stop gambling?
If YES then get Gamblock installed double lively. If NO then maybe you're not ready for change.
Hope whatever you decide is a good choice for you.
Take care
Steve E
PS sorry to be so blunt
Thanks for your imput,
Thats a fair comment, i cant see past the price tag, its £30 i could use for gambling.......
Maybe i'm not strong enough to make that call, embarrassed even. admitting needing help is the hardest step for me because im a bit of a loner at heart. handing the cash over would be admitting i have a problem (which i know i do) but online it all seems somewhat unreal.
I could also way up how benefitial it would be for me, i have 2 computers. Access to another 2 which arnt mine in the house. If i really had the impulse to gamble online i could do it..Gamblock or no Gamblock.
And i'm probably a little bit scared, on a weekend gambling is my entertainment (other than football) now the seasons over what the hell am i going to do with myself?? Ive taken up computer gaming which i'm going to try and fill some of the void with.
Apologies if im rambling :)just getting some thoughts out!
Thanks for the advice Ade ^^ ive had a Quick scan over your diary and its going to make an interesting read. I'll have a good read as soon as i can!
The one day at a time advice is really good and setting short achievable goals. i'm on day 2 now and its probably the first time in a while ive gone 24 hours (nearly) without gambling! Im going to make another entry later detailing my really up & down day 🙂
Day 2
So day 2, im still clean and havn't placed a bet. have i wanted to........oh hell yeah! On my way home from work i thought about the match tonight and what bets i could have...i then remembered i was fighting my problem and thought s**t! Now i'm trying to keep myself occupied up until kick off, this diary thing is a great help!
It has also been a strange day in many respects. Today i remembered i have tickets with friends and collegues for 3 race meetings at Doncaster.......now, my main aim is not to gamble online and when i go to the races i am usually very very sensible....but w*f do i do? by the time the first one comes around on the 6th of June i could have been clean for over a month......can i go to the races and not place a bet??? just watch the pretty horsies (and drink) i would enjoy that, but as my friends and family are pretty hardent gamblers (generations back) it would probably out my 'problem'. The problem which runs in my family quite clearly and has been admitted by an uncle (machines in the bookies are his problem).
I think ive found a solution to my weekend gambling, ive decided to have a go at pretending to gamble....a fasard if you will, to fool the aforementioned family members. The weekend ritual involves most of us gambling on a Saturday. Instead im going to pretend my usual £50 and gamble as if it was real. I'll have to see wether the idea pans out in practice.
On a sad note one of my friends at work has been told she has inoperable cancer which has spread to most of her organs. She developed a cough 2 weeks ago and now she has to face this at age 48.
One of my dads favourite sayings is ample to this occassion.....live life to the fullest, you could be hit by a bus tomorrow!
Hi C I'm Jas,
Just reading your diary and well done for posting on here and ultimitely recognising your problem. It's a bloody difficult thing to do!
You mention the races in June.....take this
slowly, don't fast forward to June. Take one day at a time.
Sorry to hear about your friend's illness but you need to make yourself strong. Do this for YOU. Yeah, you may get run over by a bus but the chances are you won't so don't let that be an excuse to gamble. Hope this helps in some way?
Take care and keep posting......Jas
Thanks for the imput Jas.
One thing that could affect my gambling is the fact i find it hard to only look one day at a time. Im very impatiant. Hence the fast forwarding 🙂
As for the excuse to gamble......this is true...the bravado attitude of... you only live once does affect my decision making, you do only live once and eventually i'd like to go out with a bang and no regrets
Hi CVimes
Along with the only live once look at it from another perspective!
You only die once!
All the sayings that allow us to be reckless must have been conjured up by an addict. They justify our behaviours. Keep up the good work.
Steve E
Hi again stevey........ive thought up a new saying,
You only live once.....so don't P*** your cash away on the horses!
^^^^^^ think it needs some work^^^^
🙂
Hi Cvines, Big congratulations on passing Day 2 without a bet...As others have already said you can only take it one day at a time...I find it much easier like that rather than setting targets too far ahead but we all work differnently.
What youve said about maybe carrying on pretending to place bets at weekend and just seeing what would have happened I absolutely advise you AGAINST doing that mate, I tried it myself..."oh, ill just pick a few horses and see what would have happens"...sods law and these horses win...automatically the gambler in us will get us thinking we're on a streak and next minute we're in the bookies and our luck changes...My advise would be to try and totally avoid all confrontations with any sort of gambling...maybe come clean to your friends and family and im sure they will be supportive mate.
Anyway, keep posting on here, itll really help you
Take care
si
Day 3 - No Bet
Thanks to everyone thats commented so far!
Its strange the number of gambling related interests i have in my life....it is pretty much 75% of my entertainment the other being made up of football (playing,Watching) and computer gaming. Its interesting being told not to not bet money on the racing. if i stay away from racing it will probably be the cold Turkey aproach, one which i am highly sceptical of. It may work for other people but in my case it would involve finding something to fill 75% of my leasure time.
I like horse racing, i like horses, i also like giraffes, but thats a different story. My first real test is today, Thursday night was always my first bet of the weekend £25 would be my usual deposit. So im going to try the virtual method.......As i am self-excluded from all uk based bookmakers (and one Australian) online, if i'm tempted to have a bet online now it is going to be impossible. US bookmakers dont take bets on UK horses so thats out. and after my day at work i won't be walking the 800 yards or so to my nearest bookmaker. And as ive said before i am sensible with real money...its the online cash i cant ***!
Thanks for the advice on not going to the races Ade 🙂 i got the message in the end. I'm sort of in a will i / wont i situation! Im very impatiant and i would like to think that by June my addiction will be under control and i could go and enjoy the day.
One point that concerns me is what is a 'cured' gambling addict? surely someone that goes through life totally avoiding the addiction and who won't go near a racetrack/casino incase of a relapse is not fully cured. if one bet leads to spending incomprehensable amounts then the person is still addicted. if however, they can place a bet well within their limits, lose but still enjoy the experience isnt that a real cure??
These are just my thoughts so probably b******t ^^^^^^^^
So 3 days clean but the big challange starts now....the weekend!!
So i gave it a whirl...betting without the money...pretend money stored in a wordpad document. A license to print my own money quite literaly.
It was fun.....ish. i lost a pretend fiver overall. it was nice to watch a horse i'd picked without the dread of it losing and costing me half my wages.
Anyways, im in bed now watching the snooker, no more danger of a bet today......my 3rd clean day!
Day 4 - D-Day?
why does it keep cutting bit off my posts..Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr i'll re-post tomorrow
Hey there C
Just been having a wee nosey through your diary - Relate to lots of it - I too am a horse racing person and have had some really tough decisions to make in the last 2 weeks.
Im on day 9 and I see Ade/Si/Stevey have been giving you some top advice. I totally agree on avoiding the racetracks at the moment - its a hard choice but important.
Couldnt do what you are doing having imaginary bets - what if you win an imaginary grand tomorrow - wouldnt you be annoyed ???- I know I would.
Hope things work out for you - keep up the good start you have made!
Eyes X
Hi C,
My addiction too is predominately horses, I have found this site 11 days ago and been bet free since.
I would echo the advice of not going to a racecourse too soon, I was in fact due to go tomorrow & sunday, but with the advice of others here and at home have decided to stay away - it's just too soon.
I am going the cold turkey route as you referred to, as I have been gabling 20 years, and many attempts to control, limit or "pretend bet" did not work for me in the past. I just couldn't keep to it and ultimately each time have ended up at the same place.
Weldy
We are available 24 hours a day, every day of the year. You can also contact us for free on 0808 80 20 133. If you would like to find out more about the service before you start, including information on confidentiality, please click below. Call recordings and chat transcripts are saved for 28 days for quality assurance.
