Start Living Again

Odaat im a norvern monkey too, so careful lady... we are deep creatures ,tough exteriors with soft underbellys. Feeling good at the minute and reminding myself thats actually ok surely ? i dont have to wallow for ever and i know there will be dark days too. Bring em all on im ready.

On way out for counseling just now peeps. will update later how it was.

First counselling done and in diary for fortnightly sessions.

No lightbulb moments but much of today was just allowing the therapist to get notes and do some form filling on my background, major life events, current situ, and where gambling epsiodes were prevalent, or absent and so forth.

Felt like a decent offload of info for sure, and we went a little over on the time.

I got a tinsy bit emotional at a couple of points, but no breakdown (not that this would be a bad thing anyhow). My point tho being I was able to articulate properly how i felt about some of my major life events and of course whilst i didnt feel like i came out of the meeting "fixed" i was optimistic and somewhat unburdened already.

So a good starting point.

56 days gamble free btw. Think im gonna put this nearer the end of my posts now. just seems whats happening in my journey is a bit more worthy of headlines, than the resultant count being added to. Though i have no doubt it will be bold and headlining when i do hit some milestone counts.

Thanks all.

Glad it went well today Manup hopefully in time it will help you get answer at least a few questions.

It's been great seeing you floating about the forum the last a bit more the last few days spouting someone words.

KTF

Hiya Pal ! Glad the counciling went ok for you , never did it myself but would imagine its gonna take a few sessions before you feel any benefit , it's all worth a go and if it works then great !, if not then youv'e explored the avenue and you can try something else ?.

However if you want to talk emotional things , I mean really burbaling like a small girl then youv'e hit the jackpot mate ( being on here , maybe jackpot wasn't the right word ) but you know what I mean . At times the floodgates have really opened and sometimes for no apparent reason , I just think its part of letting go and because we block out our emotions for so long when gambling it finally comes to the surface .

I'm alright though because ODAAT say's " only real men cry " so it must be ok ! , I'm off in a mo to play rugby at 4 in the morning with the other men , then were going for 16 pints of extra strong and a really hot curry ! , she was right see , real man !

Take care fella !

Yeah thanks Al, and oldham. I was a bit unsure of the counselling, but i think that was just the old mind tricks saying how is that gonna help, your not crazy. But i realise i am also not entirely sane to do the things i have. Im happy to admit to being a bit sensitive and prone ot the odd cry.

Anyhow it was definitely a fairly positive experience as a first session. I dont think counsellor will have all the answers. I have them. Maybe its just getting me to reach them a little faster and move on from there.

All good in my camp.

keep going strong all.

Quick update. all going well with me in general however

had a few slightly stressful situs, but none of them made me think about gambling at all, that wouldnt solve any of them. Not going to cover all the detail but main one was ex partner talking about selling our old matrimonial home and edging towards trying to cut me out of any profit from our equity... itll resolve in time. Also eldest son who is 25 came and borrowed money a few times and doesnt ever seem to have enough plus he is falling out with his partner constantly at the minute.. Just my mind i hope, but couldnt help thinking is he gambling and arguing thru gambling and trying to be chip off the old block... Time will tell, ive just said come and talk to me if you need to on anything. On the lending money, ive let him have a couple of hundred spare i had, but as you can all imagine i dont have a bunch to give despite starting to get back on my feet. Also i obviously dont want to facilitate if there is a problem other than as he puts it a bit of temporary cash flow.

Positive stuff, im heading out tonight with a couple of pals for a drink and cinema to see this revenant film thats getting all the buzz at the minute.

Had a short but useful chat with my brother before he heads off for a weeks skiing, he is proud of my progress and making him feel proud again is a long way from where i was two months ago.

62 days gamble free ... signing off !

Cheers for your post Buddy , as always much appreciated !

Glad your plodding along without any distractions, sounds just perfect to me ?

Take care of yourself and catch up soon .

Off to earn a crust now !

Alan

It's those Norvern underbellies that worry me...All 5 of them, lolling about on the sofa before he's even stepped foot in the room :-0

Just saw your post on pain threshold...o*g, that sure makes a lot of sense! & oh no to your eldest 🙁 Are you gonna broach the subject? Bailing me out never helped me...I still can't get my head round why my Mum pointed the finger for so long & never once suggested I get help?!?

Look @ you being all normal & making your bro proud 🙂 Keep up the good work Man - ODAAT

Thanks for posting Al, nd odaat.

Yes i raised the subject with my son, asking why he didnt have money and borrowing a little recently when he normally doesnt need to, and even directly asking if he had been losing any gambling. Its a difficult topic for me, because it feels im in no position to preach as a CG, but maybe thats exactly the best person to tackle it as god forbid he wastes 30 years, relationships and all the things i lost along the way. The difficulty stems from not being entirely happy to be honest. I dont want him to know i am a cg in recovery and risk him not respecting me anyway or that in some way invalidating my advice as i cant control my gambling so who am i to offer advice. So the advice sounds a little like well when i was younger i used to gamble too much (all of a couple of months back in reality), and whilst i thought it was harmless it wasnt and so on. Anyway he either doesnt have the problem and im imposing my own thought patterns onto his situ. He says things are ok, just bills, work not in abundance and so forth, some stuff he hasnt been paid for etc etc, he admits he does place a bet sometimes on a footy match or the odd horse bet, but he is saying odd fiver and tenner and its not an issue. Or he is gambling more heavily but not ready to deal with it. Im still not sure if im honest.

If he keeps coming back for money then i really dont have it to give, so i wont be abe to facilitate anyhow, but i would like him to be able to talk to me and get help if he needs it.

It's sooo impossible with the 'young uns'...I have fears that my niece will blindly follow me into the abyss & it's terrifying! Years of letting them push pennies @ the seaside & them having the bank of Nan on tap with me spoiling them just doesn't warrant thinking about! We have only been back to the seaside once since I've been in recovery & they did not show any interest in the amusements (preferred sitting in the caravan..."What you doing kids?" "Dur, getting a suntan!") this time round! She started Uni this year & doesn't have a scooby how anything is being paid or where her 'pocket' money comes from & everytime I try & 'discuss' it with her she morphs into me & there endeth the conversation! Only saving grace is I am guarantor on her accommodation so imagine I will be getting a heads up should anything go awry! No good tarring them with our dirty brushes tho I guess...Fingers crossed we are just being over sensitive!

Well one thing is for sure ourselves in recovery are better placed to support and assist, than our active selves. I cant relive the past, none of us can, so lets just be best we can going forward.

Some great posts coming from you Manupnow. It's a bit cold for ironing though, Im using for my excuse tonight.

And ditto on post above

Hai Manup,

A flyer to say thanks. I've had the best ironed shirts since i saw your post, there just a bit damp though.

Good on you with the 1-1 therapy. I genuinely hope you get as much as i'm getting out of mine. I think it comes to a stage with all of us eventually where we think we cant keep kidding ourselves. I try to use the diary since the therapy as just an added tool and to download some random thoughts. Most of them dont really mean anything but sometimes i can clear some irrelevant or relevant questions in my head. You are right, you can get some real gems out of some diarys. But i also think you need to be carefull and understand the recovery in a fashion has to be selfish as its about you, no one ele. Then again support is beneficial like a 2 way street. I tend to go gung ho when there appears to be a bit of clarity and pull away when the clouds appear and the resentment bubbles away.

Regards from the damp freshly ironed shirt...

That threshold of pain thing you post is so true. I have those exact feelings. That's the first time seen that written down and explained what's going on. It's so true.