start of a long road

Hi cat

sounds like you're doing great. pay day is a difficult time but it sounds like you had all your barriers/protection in place. good for you.

as you say 'heres to many more gamble free days' 🙂

claire xx

Well feel really bad about myself at the minute after promising to myself that i wouldn't have a bet on the national i went ahead and did it anyway i couldn't help myself.

Yes it was only a small amount 10 quid (a lot less than i would of normally had on it) but it just feels that i have let myself down.

What really worries me is if i cant do something so simple if (or when) the poker demons start calling will i fail that test too.

I am really really angry with myself for not sticking to my plan.

On a slightly better note though still not played on-line.

Odaat is all i can do for now.

odaat is all that any of us should ever do ((((cat))))

just take care of today.

love,

peg

xoxoxo

Hi, dont beat yourself up for having a small bet. We have to take little steps before we can run a marathon. Like you said, you havent played on line and that is certainly taking a good few steps to recovery.

Good luck and keep up the positive thinking. Joy x

Got the post this morning and there was a letter from the official receiver re my bankruptcy.

A worry as i messed up prior to my admittance of my problem and now owe the taxman money.I think that is what it is about anyway.

Normally in a situation like this i would be straight back on the poker tables to win the cash back (then lose more and the downward spiral starts again) but thank god i self excluded myself as i think the urge might of been too great for me to conquer.

When i feel down i find i spend a lot of time here i am so thankful that i found this place.

3 days before my month of not playing is here a place where i thought i'd never be.And i have paid all my bills this month which is a great personnel acievement for me and it makes me feel good about myself.

Got to keep going and try to stay strong still struggling a bit at work with my concentration though feel better when i am at home maybe i am in my "comfort" zone when i am here and feel safer i'm not sure.

Hi, I think like the rest of us, this is our comfort zone as we know we dont have to hide anything from anyone. We are all on here for one reason, support and help with beating this addiction.

It is good you feel you can post whatever helps.

I hope you can sort out something with inland revenue. They generally would accept some sort of payment than getting nothing.

It is a good feeling when you get to pay day and you havent got to juggle to pay the bills. Keep this in mind when you are ever tempted. I constantly have been reminding myself of how I felt last year.

Then I was stupid and slipped but have picked myself up and started again. We can do this. Keep positive. Joy x

Well just got back from my first visit with the psycologist and have been diagnosed with clinical depression and anxiety and he is putting me on anti-depressants.

At least i am getting myself sorted out which is the main thing but on the up-side he has said my all or nothing attitude could very well help me through my problem.

And on a funny note not sure when i have my fitting for my straight jacket cos they didn't have my size.

Still not played poker it will be a month tomorrow - wow a month it feels like a lifetime though.

Heres to happier days.

Hi cat

those happier days will come, just you wait and see.

just stay strong and dont support teams like Torquay and you will be ok.

take care

Jim (last bet 22/04/06)

Hi, sorry to hear you are feeling so down. Like Jim says, things do improve, he is living proof.

If you are going on medication,its surprising how quickly it helps in your recovery. And the biggest boost you will get will be coming on here and letting us know you are staying strong and we will support you all the way.

And just a note to Jim...there are worse teams out there. My hubby supports West Ham, now no comment there I bet!!!! Joy x

well went to manchester to watch the ultimate fighting challenge on sat night met loads of croatian lads which was fun but they insisted on buying me loads of beer so got really drunk but had a great time anyway.

Feel quite down at the minute but gonna pick myself up and go out to celebrate st georges day so no doubt will feel rough in the morning but thats the upside to me not gambling i actually have money to go out with.

(((Craig)))

depression...good that you have been diagnosed...also..be aware that alcohol is a depressant.

you have a lot to celebrate, Craig...considering where we've been..who we were, not so long ago...every day that we don't gamble is a miracle!

xoxoxo

well feel really down at the minute but working tonight so that will take my mind off things - still not gambled is the good part of it but feel so miserable just cant seem to pick myself up.

Gotta go to the docors shortly to pick up my anti-depressants so at least in about a week i should be feeling less miserable.

Feeling so down all the time is not a good feeling at all and the poor memory i have and serious lack of motivation to do anything doesn't help but i'm sure the councelling will help me with those two.

Still not gambling but still not filling my time with doing anything else just get myself in a rut and cant get out.

I know time is a great healer but i wish it would hurry up.

Craig

Hi craig, it will take time for the anti-depressants to kick in but hopefully when they do you will start feel much better emotionally.

Try and remember what you did before you gambled. You filled your time then and can do it again.

But try not to worry too much until the medication starts to work, just take care of yourself.

You are showing how strong you are by not gambling even when you are at your lowest, that takes guts.

Keep strong. Joy x

Just read "Article in guardian" posted in feedback,ideas and thoughts post.

The "gamblers dont do emotions thing well" is for me so similar thought about gambling 24/7 then hit rock bottom realised i had a big problem and then have been detached since (but getting help from psycologist and my doctor for this).

Hurting the people closest to me is a hard one to deal with personaly the lying cheating and stealing from my beautiful wife (now seperated) who missed out on loads of things cos i gambled so much.

My beautiful brand new Audi which we both adored gone the house etc etc etc could go on for ever.

Being a compulsive gambler consumed my life and spat me out the other side with bankruptcy no self respect and depression all rolled into one but thankfully still have my friends which is amazing as i never saw them whilst i gambled.

The story upset me so much as it could of been me writing it just with different place names.

Craig