start of a long road

Hi Cat.. Just read your diary for the 1st time today. Did not read all the pages just a couple. But I wanted to comment about the dreams you've been getting. Trust me and believe when I say this....Those dreams are normal for anyone quitting an addiction. They will go away in time, truly trust me when I say this. You are experiencing withdrawls. That's it plain and simple. I also have an online poker addiction. I can relate to your situation. The more days you are free from gambling the lesser the dreams become.

The devil wants you to continue to serve him. Lets not feed our money anymore into the kingdom of darkness. What good does it do us???

Be strong as I am also trying to beat this thing.

Hey Craig

Yeah I know that must be a great help getting rid of your cards and blocking online options too. None of these are really possible for me because of how established iam in horse racing and there would be nothing on earth could stop me placing a bet if I wanted to as I have so many avenues open to me. That kinda makes it all the more satisfying to know tomorrow I'll have gone a week without a bet even though I made my life as hard as it could be! Im just back from a nice night out with friends who are not in any way gambling related and it makes life easier.

Take care over the weekend

Eve X

Well had my 2nd appointment with the psycologist yesterday and he said that my depression is the same but my anxiety is getting better so the medication must be kicking in.

Finding myself coming here less but he said as i start feeling better it is natural as i find myself not needing help as much as my mood improves.

When i have a good day the feeling is SO good it is really amazing but i suppose after being down for so long it is to be expected heres to having more good days.

As for my entries in recovery diaries i know that i will never recover i will always be a compulsive gambler but i see it as my progress diary.

As for being a compulsive person (which the psycologist says i am) he said i might get compulsive in anything i do but as i am planning to start going to the gym again if that gets compulsive i suppose at least i will be a lot healthier and he has said that is better than losing thousands on gambling.

Still taking everything ODAAT its the only way.

Craig

((Craig))

you said: but i see it as my progress diary.

I *like* that....progress diary 🙂

glad you're feeling better!!

xoxoxo

Hey Craig,

Well done, you are doing really well.

Isn't it soo nice when we have a good day and all our thoughts are reverted from gambling to other things in our lives.

Glad to hear that your anxiety is getting better, in time I am sure this will be the case with your depression too.

Keep up the hard work my friend, you are doing very well.

ODAAT, JFT, Keep believing.

Ben

Hi, hope you are doing okay. check in with us. Joy x

Well pay day here again and i still have money left from last months pay (yippee) so that is a major achievement for me.

Still not gambled (hence still have money left) and as the days go by cant really say i feel much better but i'm gonna start going back to the gym in the next few weeks so that will focus my attention on something at least as i am finding myself with loads of time on my hands and nothing to do with it.ODAAT

Craig

Nice one craig, keep it up mate. I too am still gamble free, day 16 for me and still have money left from my wages too!!

Ben

Hi Craig, sorry your still feeling a bit out of sorts. But better to have one less worry and have money in the bank than be down and broke.

Well done Craig, next month reakon we will pop round to yours for a drink on you and see if you have a six pack!!!heheheh.

Joy xx

Back to work tomorrow after having 5 days off and during that time i have done exactly nothing slept most of the time but cannot motivate myself to do anything at the moment apart from feeling miserable.

Not sure but its as if as the thoughts about gambling subside i start to think about the other issues in my life find myself thinking about my ex a lot more maybe thats why i gambled in the first place as it hid the other issues i have with things or am i just missing the gambling i dont know there are never any easy answers to any of this.

Things can only get better cos dont think they could get any worse at the minute which is strange as i have still not gambled i have money the bills are getting paid and things should be on the up but it certainly doesn't feel that way.

Sorry about the negativeness of this post but its just the way i feel at the minute.

Craig

Have just come back from my second GA meeting and i found it quite good.

We all discussed how we have been feeling/doing over the last few weeks and it was good to be able to talk about my feelings with people who have the same problems as myself.I found it a great help and left the meeting a lot happier then when i first went in.

Being able to relate to peoples stories is also good as i dont feel so alone in all this.

Craig

good for you ((craig))

i've been thinking a lot about what claire said...about saying it aloud being important...I think she's got a good point there..this..what we do here is good..but i know that hearing myself say things...brings it home..for REAL.

anyway...glad you're enjoying the meetings...I usually leave mine feeling up!

xoxoxo

Hi craig

gald your meeting went well sounds like it'll work really well for you. its good to share thoughts and feelings with like minded people without fear of judgement.

glad you're here with us 🙂

take care, claire xxx

Well 2 months today since i last gambled it feels a hell of a lot longer than that but made it to 2 months and still taking each day as it comes.

My mood is a lot lighter over the past few days so the medication must be working at last.

Still find myself thinking about poker a lot but i suppose it is to be expected seeing that it was a big part of my life and somewhere where i never wish to visit again.

Having money in my bank account is a novelty at the moment knowing that i can go and buy something or go somewhere with it is a nice feeling.

Craig

Hey, Craig!

CONGRATULATIONS! 2 months is fantastic - well done! I know what you mean about it seeming longer - at just over 3 weeks it seems an age! Must be the reduced stress (lol)!

Love,

Kerrie