Starting over again after 18mth g/f ...

Had a really low day yesterday - hadn't slept well on sunday evening and found it hard to get any motivation yesterday. Think the reality of my latest loss had started to sink in. Also then I thought, "well it's monday, alot of people I guess are feeling the same!"

I soldiered through the day at work and had a good sleep last night so feel much better today. I struggle to deal with anxiety and I have quite alot on at the moment in work, personal life and voluntary work also. I'm looking back now at what worked for me the last time I went 18months gamble free and it definately is the opening up and sharing your feelings part that I struggle with.

So gonna share more and also get back into habit of joining chat rooms a few times a week at least starting today.

Not trying to tackle everything at once but doing a small something positive everyday will help...

Onwards and upwards.

Hi TM1985

relapses happen it shows strength to confess and do something about it afterwards. You are human like the rest of us, people make mistakes and we shouldn't be crucified for slipping up, what do people who haven't got any form of addiction know, they are judgmental and niave people who don't understand gambling is an illness.

Sorry to hear you had a low day yesterday, you sound more positive today so just keep putting one foot in front of the other my friend, we do beat ourselves up that is natural but as long as we keep trying, we will see improvements.

Will support you when I can.

Wilsy

Thanks Wilsy. Much appreciated. And likewise I'll do the same for you as I'll be a regular again on here.

Had a much better day today. I had a meeting last night that I was quite anxious about which went better than I had been expecting. Facing difficult situations head on in life isn't something we enjoy but when you come out the other side you feel much better having dealt with it with a clear head. Gambling doesn't make these hurdles disappear - it piles on even more pressure but somehow we use it as an escape.

Anyway, I am being more productive as the week goes on and it's a naturally mood-lifting process. I have a nice stress-free weekend ahead and I'm looking forward to it - and also being a week gamble free.

Onwards and upwards.

A whole week now gamble free. It has got better as the week has gone on... had a really productive week in the end.

My debt is my debt - I know if I stay gamble free it will 100% go down in time. If I choose to gamble again it will 100% increase - simple as that. I need to focus on living life again not trying to cheat my way out of this mess I created from one disastrous day 3 years ago (I'm aware that was inevitable given my compulsive gambling problem but still that's where financially it hit me most hard). I have since had at least another 3 of those days - just repeating the pattern ie. doing ok not really up or down much then a chasing day where I couldn't stop resulting in thousands added to my gambling debt - which I keep seperate from other finances.

Listening to advice over the past 2 yrs I won't let this be a strangle around my neck any longer. I can pay this back pretty much interest free over a period of so many years (3-5) which I know many people cannot so I am lucky in that respect. It;'s what I did successfully for 18 months so I am just trying to back on that path - to do the right things making that monthly payment commitment which is a way of paying back. It's probably less than I was gambling anyway so I should look at it as an investment in my wellbeing - being able to enjoy life, sleep and not be scrambling around damaging my mental health.

I know ultimately stress and anxiety lead to my gambling bouts so I will look at ways to better manage that from happening. I haven't been doing much exercise of late so gonna start with that. Increasing my time walking initially getting out in fresh air then some running again. Small steps doing this one day at a time again...

Sounds like we're in the same boat! I'm back on here, did a year gamble free then drifted back into old ways. Same as you, got lazy and complacent.

Hey Tommy, sorry to see you back here under these painful circumstances 🙁 & hoping with everything I have that your little boy was born healthy? Don’t underestimate the pressure you & your wife have been through these past couple of years & please do everything you can not to exacerbate your anxiety with gambling. Baby steps my friend - ODAAT

Hey Kelly. Thanks for your post. Yes, we had a healthly lovely little boy. He's precious. With all the excitment of him coming along and all the changes in routine etc I neglected to find time for recovery for a few months and the inevitable happened. Back here with renewed focus, always learning. Hope you are doing OK.

I feel for you. I too have gone back to gambling after a period of abstinance. I am beginning to think that this is my life now. I am 47 and am almost accepting that i will never have money. I will lose my job, live in rented all my life and be alone. I have already lost my wife and an awful lot of self respect. How can we stop this monster taking over our lives. I'm too lazy and had everything too easy to take responsibility. I keep self excluding from online and High Street bookies but i keep opening up new accounts. Can you self exclude from every possible online bookie???? If not you should be able to!!!! Keep up the good work. I wish you all the best. Perhaps we could report in a few times a week to see how we can conquer this together.

Thanks Bumblebee. I know what you mean - it is hard to imagine a life with no gambling but it's what I crave for! I don't think you can exclude from every online gambling site - god I wish you could. People have been campaigning for it but it would be a huge task I guess to monitor etc. I guess the closest thing is the blocking software. I really liked the gamcare chatrooms which are closed at moment but once they are up and running I hope to get back into habit of joining a few times a week - hopefully we can chat there too. All the best.

Hi ineffable, thanks for reaching out. I haven't heard of that book - I'll check it out. Besides counselling which I had a positive experience of one of the best things I often watch is the documentary by Alexis Conran (Real Hustle) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1W2HqF4x8Bc - explores gambling addiction, an affliction that ruined his estranged father, and seeks to understand how and why this compulsion destroys people's lives. It's an hour of your life that will be really useful. I'm gonna re-watch it again today as my positive action...

Had a rough morning yesterday - got into big arguement with Mrs ended up going for a walk on my own for enough time to gamble and in an area with bookies. I did think about it and wanted to but in the end battled the urge. Fixed things with Mrs and had a really nice day in the end. Think the stress of everything I have going on and my relapse caused it. I'd been building things up which I tend to do. Know I need to deal with things instead of bottling up but easier said than done. Feel good today. Got a busy, stressful week ahead at work but gonna just take it a step at a time. Can only do what I can do 😉

Onwards and upwards.

Well done TM1985 for resisting. It just goes to prove how good life could be without gambling. I realise now that i cannot touch any form of gambling or i'll be back on it. I'm almost rock bottom, but a lot better than some still. I cannot allow myself to go even further down, nor can you!!!! Lets change or lives for the better. I'm three days in and regretting my last stupid session when i blew £4000. We cannot let it send us to the gutters.

Good luck...

Thanks Bumblebee. You are right - let's keep on this path. Had to really fight off strong urges last night. Glad my blocks were in place as I really wanted to gamble. But I didn't and got through the day - that's what it's always about in the end - a day at a time. And you always feel better the next day when you didn't give in to the little devil on the shoulder!