Stephen ~ Stopped Gambling 27th January 2018

This should be your defining chapter of your life and your diary. Your health should be your No.1 priority! You know what you have to do (or NOT do!) and we're all totally with you. You've made some great friends on this forum and have touched others with your empathy and encouragement. I can't really add any more at this time as you've already spelt it out:

"I HOPE I CAN SUMMON UP THE STRENGTH, COURAGE AND SENSE OF DECENCY THAT WILL EMPOWER ME IN MY FIGHT. IT IS ONLY BY COMPLETE ABSTINENCE FROM GAMBLING THAT I CAN HOPE TO FIND ANY PIECE OF MIND, HAPPINESS AND SELF RESPECT.... STEPHEN

Thank you Scott, Equinox, ODAAT & Changemylife. Your support and encouragement strengthens my resolve.

Feeling at ease today.The recovery road beckons. The highway of hope leading off into the distance.

Come rain or shine I intend to keep going forward alongside my gamcare friends. I am blessed to be sharing the road with wonderful people who are looking to improve their lives. Like me they have suffered torment and misery through their association with compulsive gambling.

Go for it Stephen, the GF life is yours to grab with both hands! Sorry haven't commented lately have been working really hard but am reaping the rewards of not gambling, keeping busy and saving cash. Best wishes and am with you 100% Sx

Hi Stephen. We are both on day 4 and I have just read all your posts on this diary. In the last 4 days you have been on a rollercoaster of lows and highs. Am glad that you now feel on a more even keel. Like you I have money going into the bank today and this also plays on my mind. As my weakness is always online I plan to take out cash so no access to money Online. Could you maybe do the opposite and put some money into an account you can't access for a given amount of time. Going swimming alternate days sounds like a great plan and full of positive rewards. Keeping busy, staying fit. I hope all goes well with your appointment next week and as everyone else says just be kind to yourself and take it bit by bit. Ok you relapsed but you also managed many days gamble free which is cause for celebration. Take care my friend.

Thank you for posting on my diary Sharon. Hope your having a good week. Congratulations on 321 days gamble free. It is heartwarming to see your good progress.You are a great example to all of us who are following your journey.

Thankyou Annie. We are on the move now, 4 days gamble free and settling in nicely. Pleased to see you see enjoying your running. I imagine that would be a fun way to combat the urges to gamble. You will be fit and healthy as well.

Hello Diary. Feeling positive about my gamble free future. I have behaved like an idiot in the past but now this is a fresh start.

The thing I've always admired about you Stephen is that despite setbacks (not keen on the word "relapse" personally) you are very honest and have the guts to come here and say what's happened - many people don't.

Please just try and keep the one day at a time approach in mind - in WHATEVER way you as an individual want to interpret it.

Best wishes, Phil.

Hi Stephen, keep up the positivity and desire as well as fight, to keep this cruel addiction at bay, good luck in your journey

Wilsy

Hi Stephen

Remember not to be defined by your relapses but your determination to beat the addiction. Keep it going my friend you got this.

Matt

Hi Stephen, thanks for posting.Absolutely havechad so many times of trying to work out why I couldn't stop.But now I feel stable, confident and believe in myself. Take care my friend andclove your new title Sx

Thank you for the posts on my diary. Very much appreciated . I know I am very fortunate to be amongst the gamcare diaries with friends who support each other.

Phil ... Hope your ok my friend. I believe your wife has gone away for a month which will give you some quality "Phil Time." Don't waste it by loafing around lol. If she rings when your having a party tell everybody to shoosh when you answer the phone. Ha ha only pulling your leg. Congratulations on paying off your debt and nearing 2 years gamble free. Great achievements.

Wilsy ...Congratulations on 3 months gamble free. In GA groups 90 days is recognised as an important milestone. You have left the gambling behind but still not out of the woods. Them pesky gambling urges can sometimes turn up unannounced so we need to exercise caution at all times. Sorry you sometimes felt anxious and a little depressed. I don't know but I would imagine that compulsive gambling would make these feelings much worse. I hope you can discover happiness, peace and contentment.

Matt... An absolutely wonderful journey. Working hard, enjoying adventures and turning your life around for the better. You continue to expand your horizons, setting your sights on new goals and relishing your new found freedom. Many on the diaries have been inspired by your humility, honesty and your courage. Approaching 500 days gamble free which is a great achievement and you have the wisdom to avoid complacency. It really is an awful addiction and it rarely just goes away. I suppose we will always be vulnerable. Stay strong my friend.

Sharon... A precious jewel in the gamcare treasure chest. Wonderful progress on your gamble free journey. For a long time I was proud to be 56 days behind you and it was your fine example that kept me on the road. Sadly I lost my way a few times which was really stupid. Hopefully I have learnt my lesson and will do better this time.

Hello Diary. Yesterday was good. English @ Adult Education ~ Dentist for check-up (all ok). ~ Swim and Steam @ the gym.

It’s said in the rooms that the same man will drink again. Or gamble.

Beating yourself up (Post 8) isn’t cutting it, trying harder isn’t cutting it (Post 5), new diaries aren’t cutting it, nor is positivity from your Gamcare friends.

Most people who achieve daily sobriety achieve it via working a Twelve Step program so that they are indeed no longer the person who gambled/drank/used.

Echo ODAAT’s suggestion to try an approach outside the comfort zone. Because nothing changes if nothing changes.

CW

No disrespect CW and I agree with much in your post above but unfortunately in my experience 12 steps programs are not for everyone as I found when I went REGULARLY to a fellowship in Brighton for a different issue a long time as I've described elsewhere.

I prefer SMART Recovery which I've been attending since last July which is based on Cognitive Behavourial Therapy. I have almost 2 years under my belt without gambling on anything whether it be lottery tickets, horses (my main poison), machines etc. and I've never relied on a higher power or got on my knees and prayed for a gamble-free day.

These comments are not meant arrogantly or in a bragging sense - far from it but what works for one person doesn't work for another.

I DO feel a sense of humility about how lucky I am that I've maintained my decision one day at a time and have re-built my marriage, relationships, respect and almost re-paid my gambling related debts.

Sorry for hijacking your thread Stephen!

Best wishes, Phil.

Hi Stephen,

I've been away for a few days but back now, and one of the first things I do is visit your diary and see how you're getting on 🙂

I know you've been in the wars but like any trooper you keep getting up when you do fall, with absolute honesty for which I always applaud. Every time!

Never feel like a fool. This is a bizarre condition with its own set of rules. We have to be permanently on guard because if we let it bite us, bite us it will. A septic bite at that, always difficult to heal. But we - you - keep trying. Keep it, Stephen - with you all the way, my friend!

Mixer

Well done Stephen and thanks for posting on my diary. Day 6 nearly done and dusted. I have a sense of optimism about both of us this time. Take care x

Thank you for the posts on my diary.

Cynical Wife ... I understand the cynicism that may be present when someone is lied to, cheated and betrayed. Partners of compulsive gamblers really go through the mill and have my utmost sympathy.

I don't attend GA because meeting nights are my dance nights. I have in the past enjoyed the camaraderie of GA meetings but the 12 steps are not my cup of tea. Step 3 was my stumbling block: "Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of a higher power of our understanding." I value my free will immensely and have no intention of turning it over to anyone, be it a person or a god. I do consider myself a spiritual being and enjoy a good chinwag with my angels, they usually let me know what is in my best interests but they leave the decision making to me. Rightly or wrongly I will be the master of my own destiny.

Phil.. Hope everything is ok with you. I understand your wife is away for a spell so you may find it a bit strange. We are your friends so if you have any doubts or misgivings, don't forget, we are all in your corner willing you on.

Mixer...It is good to see you getting back your drive and ambition in worthwhile pursuits. Gamble free can mean more time and energy, thereby making life more meaningful.

Annie.. Early days for me and thee. Obviously the gambling must stop if our lives are to have any meaning. We have both enjoyed periods of abstinence, we know the dangers associated with compulsive gambling and we are not stupid. With all my heart I wish for the strength and courage we will both need on the journey ahead

Gambling addiction hijacks all our enthusiasm, hopes and dreams, it just leaves an empty shell all bitter and sad.

Morning Diary... Day 7 and raring to go. Yesterday was good. I joined in the Aqua Fit class at the gym, great fun and my kind of music from a bygone era. Last night was 5 rhythm dancing with snacks afterwards. Still very breathless but I can still get involved and have some fun.