Stephen ~ Stopped Gambling 27th January 2018

Hi Stephen

Just popping bye to say hello and glad you’re doing ok. Not sure what would fill me with more fear ... a GA meeting (i’m a natural cynic and couldn’t do the 12 steps...even gave up on Russell Brand book as soon as he mentioned higher power), or dancing (I literally have two left feet and have always been embarrassed anywhere near a dance floor, would love to have some sense of rhythm). Don’t know what your music is, but i’m stuck in 80s ... my last 3 concerts have been erasure, pet shop boys and depeche mode ... have a great weekend. Rich

Hi Stephen great to see 7 days which will thrn be a month thrn a year! Have been chocoblock busy but just wanted to smile and wave, take care S:)

Aqua fit sounds amazing, well done you. Well done on day 7 and let's make it to day 8 xx

Thank you for the posts on my diary.

Rich...Well done on your continuing good progress. Your first goal was 3 months without a bet and your almost half way there. Sad to read of your mistreatment at the hands of unscrupulous bookmakers, it makes me wonder why the powers to be don't exercise more control over them.

Sorry your suffering with the flu and pain around the jaw, hope your soon feeling better.

The concerts you attended "Pet Shop Boys," "Depeche Mode" & "Erasure" ~ must have been awesome. Nothing beats the sound and atmosphere of a live music event.

Sharon...Thank you for the smile and wave. Your so far ahead of me now but on a clear day I can still see you in the distance. You look amazing climbing them recovery mountains and steadily going forward.

Annie... We are on day 8 already, time passes us by so quickly. We are fully aware of the challenges that lie ahead but by staying strong and standing up for ourselves we can succeed. Somewhere up ahead we will find peace and contentment.

Wishing everyone a good gamble free sunday.

Day 8 and the sun is shining. Let's make it to day 9. I have confidence in us both.

Hey Stephen. You ok?

Today I gambled again until there was nothing else to lose.

Relapsing has now become a habit which I need to address.

I am leaving the diaries for the time being. I need to have a think and get my thoughts together.

So sorry to let everyone down.....stephen

THIS DIARY IS CLOSED FOR THE TIME BEING BUT I WILL COME BACK WHEN I FEEL MORE CAPABLE.

Hello Stephen,

This is going to be a somewhat rushed message, so bear with me.

Firstly you’ve not let any one down so banish them thoughts, despite very real to you in this moment in time.

You’ve got a lot going on at the moment and it’s very very understandable heading towards that comfort blanket, something I’m very use to and many others.

This ain’t easy but you are on the right path, and that’s not me saying something that’s trying to lift you but something I’ve learned in my time on these diary’s of someone who is on the right trip and a stayer.

Your thoughts now, are the fight or flight that our ancestors had a thorsqnd years ago when then the big bad long toothed lions was trapping us in our caves but now it’s the b***h of gambling and in a fashion our ego via these diaries.

Your peeling the onion skins, hold tight and feel the emotions, your getting there - believe

Stephen
Fella Paul writes a lot of truth in his posts, I can tell you through experience the worst thing you can do is isolate yourself, isolating yourself will gift addiction the upper hand, it will have you all to itself.
For me forget the six months gamble free, that is in the past, think of the future, there's no shame in admitting that you gave to addiction, there is for me however a great shame of another sorts you walking away from this forum.
Nobody here will judge you and believe me when I say even if you don't think it right now this forum will long term contribute more to your life than you realise.
A dear friend used to write
Never give up on giving up
That is profoundly true.
I hope to see you writing soon
Abstain and maintain
Duncs stepping forward never back

Hi Stephen - I think I get why you want to stay away, but honestly buddy, this forum is where you need to be.

Relapsing hurts - but so what? you're a fighter! That's what's going to happen with gambling addicts ... it'll happen more for some, and less for others. But the main thing is you're here fighting this thing out, amongst friends and getting the support that the good people can and want to give.

Besides, if you look at it from a different perspective: instead of a few days of relapse, in the past months you've managed to gain a mountain of days gamble free. Don't let the sting of this new relapse outweigh all the good effort you've previously put into quitting.

I totally respect that you need to make your own decisions and need to get your thoughts together - but please know there's an army of people here, with very similar experiences, who have nothing but fondness for you and want you back here fighting this together.

That's why this place works so well, it comes with zero judgement and maximum support - which tends to be the direct opposite of how we treat ourselves when we isolate ourselves.

I hope you come back from the wilderness as there's a nice warm campfire here with all your buds around it.

Take care and hope to see you around

Equinox

Sorry to read of your relapse, come back when you are ready, you'll get so much support here as you know.

Wilsy

Hi Stephen just wanted to offer you some support and let you know you're not on your own 🙂

I know right now you'll be feeling allsorts of mixed emotions but please be kind to yourself as most of us who are here battling this will have relapsed at some point in this journey and for most of us we'll keep on having relaspes but that doesn't mean you've failed or let anyone down .It means you are human and fighting a very serious addiction and can't expect miricles overnight .This is going to be a life long battle and unfortunatly there's no quick fix for us .You need to put this relaspe in a box and put a lid on it ,then throw it away and get back to your good place .I know its easier said than done as i was feeling completely gutted when i relapsed after nearly 2 years being gamble free but the main thing i tell myself is the fight is not over and because i got myself back here i know deep inside i want to give up so will never give up on giving up ! You are going to feel utter s**t for a while and i totally respect you need some space but please even if you feel you can't write anything right now keep reading on here and don't isolate yourself as what has been a blip in the road could well turn into a full on spree if you let it .

Stephen i know you can do this so please stay close to this site and we'll all be here when you're ready 🙂 Take care Sunshine xx

I’m sorry you’ve relapsed . I hope you come back stronger than ever I know how hard it is . Don’t beat yourself up too much . Starting again is the hardest part . Whenever you come back we will all be here for you . All the best

Hi Stephen,

You haven't let anyone down, other than yourself. I don't want to repeat what everyone else has already said, but you've been a support to me and loads of others on this forum, so don't give up. I know you will feel rubbish at the moment, but dust yourself down and bounce back. You say you lost what you had ... sounds bad, but also doesn't sound like you took out a load of debt, borrowed off friends and family, so it could be worse, and sounds recoverable. Best wishes. Richard

Hi Stephen I know you probably feel isolated and adrift right now but you really are not alone, Everyone here has experienced similar emotions, moods and senarios. Reading diaries has been an essential connection for me and a huge factor of recovering, so obviously you need to do what's best for you but don't be a stranger, take care my friend Sx