Striving for a new normal

Thank you ODAAT 🙂

We're having a busy week this week, the mid kid is progressing to secondary school in september so there's been appointments at the new school and lots of events as his current school, lots of things to remember!

I've finished my friends wedding gift, it felt like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders, it's absolutely massive and i'm hoping they like it, I know deep down they will but there's always the smallest bit of doubt present. Went shopping on the weekend for something to wear to the wedding and i found a lovely dress in Dorothy Perkins for the bargain price of £20, I half begrudged it but the hubby pointed out I literally have nothing to wear other than jeans and I can't really wear them to my best friends church wedding, so I brought it.....I don't wear dresses and have the whitest legs going but it'll be fine...note to self - must remember to shave my legs!!!!

I visited my friend monday for a pre-wedding catch up and during conversation I told her I'm a compulsive gamler and how many days "clean" I am, it was very emotional. She told me she knew but didn't realise how much of an issue it had become, it was one of the hardest things i have done as i felt like i had let her down and i didn't want her to judge me, but it was also one of the easiest things too once i actually started talking. My small list of people I am now accountable to is now a little larger (my friend will tell her soon to be husband, I told her she had to as she's marrying him and it's not fair to keep secrets from him on my behalf, but I have asked her not to tell anyone else). So on my list is you lot, my husband, my kids, my friend and her nearly husband, not a big list but big enough for me....I should add myself to that list as I have to be accountable to myself before I'm accountable to anyone else but it feels a little egotistical to add myself first.

Touching on what ODAAT says about total transparency being a barrier....it's totally true, by being honest with my husband about how i'm feeling I'm not allowing negative/frustrating/self destructing feelings build up in myself, which means I'm in a better position to deal with everything and less likely to just "blow", it gives me the opportunity to process things without becoming overwhelmed....it's very strange to talk so openly, and i do struggle sometimes but it gets easier the more i do it.

And yes, slowly accepting he loves me for me, sometimes i can't understand why, especially on the days I have very negative feelings towards myself...why the hell would someone love me when i can't even like myself half the time!....but he's still here so that says a lot....it's all baby steps but i know i'll get there, especially if i stay away from gambling as that seriously messes with your head!

Hope today is being kind to all...my day is fantastic...the sky hasn't fallen and the world hasn't ended 🙂

Hi only me, thanks for the post. Appreciated.

Must say I loved your last share. The honesty, the growth and congrats on the 100 club. thanks 🙂

Thanks Tri, this whole honesty/openness thing is kinda scary, i've always lived by the theory of not letting anyone in as "the more people know about you the more amunition they have to hurt you with" as that's what i'm used to, but i've come to the conclusion that it hasn't really worked that well for me so time to try a different approach with my life..obviously i'm only applying this to those in my life that actually matter to me, don't want to take too many chances lol

completely understand onlyme. Recovery is very much a process isn't it? Keep going, sharing and supporting. Can't tell you how much your post meant to me 🙂

triangle wrote:

completely understand onlyme. Recovery is very much a process isn't it? Keep going, sharing and supporting. Can't tell you how much your post meant to me 🙂

This is where I get confused as I don't know if I reply here on mine or on your diary so I'm sticking it here out of sheer desperation and as a reminder to myself lol

Recovery is a slow process, it's something we have to work on each and every day, there are so many different aspects to it and we somehow fit it in with "normal life" as unfortunately (but also it's a relief) we can't gain extra hours in our day, to a degree it would be nice to just get it over and done with but then I think that would put us at unnecessary risk of relapse due to not dealing with the issues as effectively as we can by dealing with them on the slow, day by day, route.

By working through everything a step at a time we give ourselves time to actually stop and process our thoughts and actions, we give ourselves time work on whatever our issues are and to process these in a more effective manner, we have the time and opportunity to explore and understand them and we give ourselves the ability to put some serious barriers in place without going in to pure uncontrollable panic mode, I feel if we try and fast forward through everything we miss out on vital steps of our recovery which isn't going to end well.

I feel that the recovery process is an ongoing process, as we deal with things our thoughts and feelings regarding our issues will change which ultimately changes us as a person and how we look and feel regarding situations etc...as we age our situations and needs change which again effects how we think/feel and deal....but the process is still there, just evolving with us.

Hi

Enjoyed reading your thoughtful posts. Yes taking a step back and switching off autopilot is very helpful not just for addiction but for richness of life.

Delighted you're changing your mindset to be more open. I've done similar and it's really rewarding in so many ways .

Best wishes
Louis

onlyme wrote:

[quote=triangle]

completely understand onlyme. Recovery is very much a process isn't it? Keep going, sharing and supporting. Can't tell you how much your post meant to me 🙂

This is where I get confused as I don't know if I reply here on mine or on your diary so I'm sticking it here out of sheer desperation and as a reminder to myself lol

Recovery is a slow process, it's something we have to work on each and every day, there are so many different aspects to it and we somehow fit it in with "normal life" as unfortunately (but also it's a relief) we can't gain extra hours in our day, to a degree it would be nice to just get it over and done with but then I think that would put us at unnecessary risk of relapse due to not dealing with the issues as effectively as we can by dealing with them on the slow, day by day, route.

By working through everything a step at a time we give ourselves time to actually stop and process our thoughts and actions, we give ourselves time work on whatever our issues are and to process these in a more effective manner, we have the time and opportunity to explore and understand them and we give ourselves the ability to put some serious barriers in place without going in to pure uncontrollable panic mode, I feel if we try and fast forward through everything we miss out on vital steps of our recovery which isn't going to end well.

I feel that the recovery process is an ongoing process, as we deal with things our thoughts and feelings regarding our issues will change which ultimately changes us as a person and how we look and feel regarding situations etc...as we age our situations and needs change which again effects how we think/feel and deal....but the process is still there, just evolving with us.

Powerful words onlyme. My question to myself was can I follow them up with actions. Here's to recovery 101. Tri x

Not a lot to say this morning, feel unsettled but i'm putting that down to the EU vote, but whatever happens now we just have to get on with it.

Have a wedding to get everyone ready for today and mid kid needs a hair cut....hoping the weather stays lovely.

Have a good weekend all 🙂

I'm the same on the Euro vote. It could go either way. Could be a miracle solution or it could d**n us for generations to come. The fear is which.

Hope the wedding went well & my, who wouldn't love a blanket handmade with love 🙂

We don't throw away support onlyme, we're just not sure how to manage it so no apology needed...I'm just chuffed to see that you have found your way back onto the path 🙂

Keep evolving - ODAAT

ODAAT wrote:

Hope the wedding went well & my, who wouldn't love a blanket handmade with love 🙂

We don't throw away support onlyme, we're just not sure how to manage it so no apology needed...I'm just chuffed to see that you have found your way back onto the path 🙂

Keep evolving - ODAAT

The wedding was absolutely beautiful! It was small and personal, the whole event was them to a "t". There was a few rain showers and some thunder rumbles intermingled with some sun, all the kids (ranging from a few mths to 16yrs) were absolutely fantastic, and there was loads of cake...you couldn't ask for a better day really.

They loved my present, I was so worried they wouldn't but they did! It's a bit of a confidence boost after feeling so low for so long.
There have been tons of photos from the wedding stuck on facebook which I will sit and go through, I decided to avoid the internet for a few days due to everything so am a little behind but I feel it's put me in a better frame of mind so that's all that matters.

We're all bogged down with yet another cold so the household is fairly miserable....mainly the youngest and oldest household member....the youngest arrives next to you and croaks "I keam".....the oldest croaks "yep, ice cream", both know what they want to sooth their sore throats...I swear I need shares in an ice-cream factory lol.

Hope today is being kind to you all 🙂

No rest for the wicked when there's Man Flu about 😉 Suck it up girlie, hundreds of us on here know you are twice as poorly as all of them stuck together & still have the mental capacity to provide ikeam & hugs 🙂

onlyme wrote: [quote=ODAAT]

Hope the wedding went well & my, who wouldn't love a blanket handmade with love 🙂

We don't throw away support onlyme, we're just not sure how to manage it so no apology needed...I'm just chuffed to see that you have found your way back onto the path 🙂

Keep evolving - ODAAT

The wedding was absolutely beautiful! It was small and personal, the whole event was them to a "t". There was a few rain showers and some thunder rumbles intermingled with some sun, all the kids (ranging from a few mths to 16yrs) were absolutely fantastic, and there was loads of cake...you couldn't ask for a better day really. They loved my present, I was so worried they wouldn't but they did! It's a bit of a confidence boost after feeling so low for so long. There have been tons of photos from the wedding stuck on facebook which I will sit and go through, I decided to avoid the internet for a few days due to everything so am a little behind but I feel it's put me in a better frame of mind so that's all that matters. We're all bogged down with yet another cold so the household is fairly miserable....mainly the youngest and oldest household member....the youngest arrives next to you and croaks "I keam".....the oldest croaks "yep, ice cream", both know what they want to sooth their sore throats...I swear I need shares in an ice-cream factory lol. Hope today is being kind to you all 🙂

Beautiful story onlyme. thanks for your support. I know you get how much it means. Tri xxxxx

Shared my delicious ice cream recipe. Almost been too busy to consider gambling. i say almost but then I get the reminders in the evening chat. Its becoming my little place of P and q. Thanks onlyme xxx

I've written it down Tri and will definitely be trying it lol.

I feel so ill today, I've sneezed so many times I've lost count, if it's not my eyes streaming then it's my nose! My ears feel clogged up, which is brilliant when the youngest shrieks as he's slightly muffled lol. My face feels puffy and tight, although that might have something to do with all the weight I've put on....oooppsss lol. Feeling generally lousy but feeling pretty good too...house cleaned, washing all done, dinner was eaten at lunch so only have to put together a snack for tea, and our mobile phone bill is £30 cheaper now we're out of contract.....yay!!!

The husband has been a little up and down this week with his eye, he's frustrated that he's struggling to do some normal tasks, he tried to do some soldering during the week (which he has to do for his job, small electrical wires and circuit board type things....I don't really know!) what normally takes him under 2 mins took him over 20mins, he has very little depth perception in his bad eye and it's all getting to him a bit. But a work colleague phoned him yesterday to see how he's doing, he had the same op 2 12 yrs ago, and he reassured him that it will get better, and his is still slowly improving....but there are certain things he will never be able to do like he used to, so although not all together positive it did help him a bit. It's just something we've got to adapt to and must remember it takes time.....he also dropped the bombshell that the hubby will be off nearer six months not the three we thought......hmmm cheers for that!!! Well that leaves him more time to clear more stuff out of the garage and loft so not too bleak really 🙂

I did have to swap the TV channels last night, an advert came on and it bothered me a little, not a major urge, more of an "I wonder" but I soon shot it down, I'm just glad I don't have a debit card......not practical for everyone but it's one of my biggest blocks and one I'm more than happy to have in place 🙂

And now I'm off to make a peanut butter and chocolate spread sandwich, thanks for making me hungry Tri, just a shame I don't have any ice cream to go with it...hence the sandwich instead 🙂

Hope today is being kind to all 🙂