Striving for a new normal

Firstly congratulations on the 200 days. Most have little idea how powerful this addiction can be so big hats off to you.

Getting support can be a nightmare. Understanding and empathy are tough when the perception of this addiction is that its a choice and a little willpower is all you need.

I wish that was the case. Its good that you're aware you have support on here and please keep in touch.

thanks for the reply, tri x

I've thought a lot since I last posted and have decided I don't give myself enough credit.....I do actually have access to money, I have a paypal account and if I really wanted to gamble I could use that as it's linked to the bank account...but I haven't used it because I don't want to gamble. Although I don't have a bank account card anymore, I do have a credit card in my name that my husband keeps in his wallet along with his bank card and two credit cards....if I really wanted to gamble there is nothing stopping me from taking my credit card (to take and use his is theft but it's still there as an option) and using it...but I don't want to because I don't want to gamble anymore...online gambling may not be as easily available as it was but it's still a possibility but I haven't because I DON'T WANT TO GAMBLE! I know my husbands paypal details and have used it for some online shopping to put things on his credit card (which he knows about) but I haven't used it for gambling because I don't want to. I haven't had a bank card for just over two years but there is nothing physically stopping me from getting a new one...but I haven't because I know it would give me easier access to gambling and I don't want to gamble.

I moaned about how my husband isn't very supporting but he is because he is still here, he hasn't left me, he may not realise how much I find some days a struggle but then if I actually told him it might be different. My child will eventually grow up, just like the other two and life will become easier...that takes time...just like everything else...and roll on January he will be at playschool for 3hrs a week and life will change again.

There are no blocks on any of the devices at home....so the only thing that is actually stopping me from gambling is ME! But I am also the thing that is stopping me from moving on. I am the one who for the past (nearly) 7 months has got up and made the conscious decision not to gamble, not my husband and not my kids...but ME! And I should give myself credit for that, I am gamble free due to choices I make....I need to stop thinking that I can't do this because I CAN and I AM doing this!

An inspiring post! Thank you 🙂 Well done to YOU!! X

Thank you onlyme. You're right we tend (well I personally) for along punished myself for gambling through silly ways that weren't good for my health or mental state, but not the fog has lifted a little you're right we should say well done to ourselves everyday we go a day without gambling because we have chosen not to. Thankyou. Well done on your gamble free days. Cx

I think ultimately it has to be down to us to choose not to gamble again , I like you have always had access to cash , simply because of the type of business I run , I've also never had any type of blocks on my laptop / phone ect but internet gambling was never my thing anyway , the only blocks I did have in place were self exclusions from my local bookies which can always be got around .

We made the choice to gamble but we can also choose not to gamble as the decision is ours .

Congratulations Onlyme on making all the right choices and decisions for the last 7 months , great effort and clearly shows how we can win for real :))

Best wishes Alan

I agree with a lot of what Alan says. Its working on the tools that work for you. If its working, great keep doing it, but if you are still struggling, pick up more tools.

Echo Tri. Recovery is the one time when some selfishness is fine for the purpose of taking up all the support tools you need. As you would for a physical problem, was the mole ok? It's fair enough to want go to the doctors in peace, are you undervaluing yourself in not wanting to ask anyone to help?

re your OH, if you don't think that he's that well clued up, is it worth getting some literature and leaving it around for him? Possible sources are GC or GA or GamAnon or on line, Hazelden are a specialist American publisher. It's not going to help either of you to think that you can just stop with a bit of backbone / will power and nothing else.

Wish you well,

CW

Thank you for all the responses.

The mole hasn't been checked out yet but I have mapped it so there is a base line for when I do eventually get an appointment, I am aiming to try and get one while the older two are off for half term as the oldest is capable of taking them to the park for 5 minutes for me...or even just sitting in the car with them.

I do undervalue myself and have done for a very long time....hence my last post where I actually gave myself credit for being gamble free, and for which I now feel a tiny bit guilty for. As a child/early teens, I learnt not to ask for help, no one listens and no one notices, on the few occasions I have asked for help it has either been dismissed or I have been made to feel guilty. I am slowly trying to learn to ask my OH, but changing doesn't happen overnight. I haven't tried hard enough to point my OH towards reading and informing himself on gambling, I have mentioned a few times to come here and have a read and on all occasions he has said no, he doesn't need to...however he has said some things like "it's something you have to work on your whole life" which makes me feel maybe, just maybe he has read something somewhere.

I don't think I can just stop with a bit of backbone and will power alone but at the moment it's all I've got, if I focus on not having the first spin then the second and third won't follow, I have previously stated I have issues and I know what many of them are and I am trying to work on them, ultimately I know I need professional help but that can wait till the youngest goes to playschool in January and I can have an appointment without having to worry about who I can ask to look after him.

This attempt has been different from my other previous attempts, I honestly don't want to gamble anymore, yes I have urges but I don't want to give in to them....I don't want to be the person who cares about nothing but getting everyone out of the house so I can sit all day clicking the mouse, becoming frustrated and closing sites to open new ones, not sleeping because I'm worrying about money, worrying about my husband noticing, sticking blocking software on my laptop only to format the d**n thing as soon as hubby leaves the house so that I can an hour maybe two before he comes back home. I don't want to live in that madness anymore and every day that I don't give in is a day that I'm not living like that.

Morning OM , It's funny but I was just reading your last post when I recieved yours:))

When you say " This attempt is different from previous ones " , It's strange but thats exactly how I felt this time , In the past I'd kinda had half hearted attempts to either cut down or stop gambling completely and they all ended badly but when I ca,me here 13 months ago I seemed to have a different mindset , I knew I had to do this or waste another 20 yrs of my life looking back with regret and without sounding cocky or getting complacent I think this time it will work :))

Everybody is different in what they use to assist thier recovery and I think you have a good feeling if somethings working and for whats right for you , I've managed with the blocks , this place and a fair bit of willpower , just use what you think is right and as Tri said if you find yourself struggling with anything then there's always more tools to use but as you said the only thing we have to concentrate on is not having that first bet again and everything else thats worth having will follow :))

Keep doing what works OM , vent on here when you need to and never be afraid to ask for help :))

Wishing you well and I hope you have a great weekend .

Alan

Had a chat with the hubby yesterday and showed him a few posts from here, we came to the conclusion that maybe I'm not quite doing enough, so he's now changed both the paypal passwords and I'm going to make more effort to attend the chat sessions on here to make up for the fact that I'm not attending GA or counselling. I don't know what he's going to do with his wallet....I didn't ask.

I feel a bit disappointed and I'm now wondering how I'm meant to prove to him that I can be responsible for my actions...but then I wonder if that's the gambler in me leaving another option open.

Nothing exciting to report, still plodding on, been very busy, did manage to watch the village firework display a fortnight ago..the kids seemed to enjoy it. For the first time ever we brought pumpkins and the kids enjoyed carving them for halloween, made even better by knowing the sweets brought wouldn't be given out as we get no trick or treaters where we live (brought one pack just in case).

That's about all there is, don't wish to bore everyone with the boring mundane rubbish but thought i'd better stick a post in to say I haven't fallen by the wayside.

In our crazy world Boring's always good onlyme :)) .

Great to see you still doing well and also that the Halloween " Ghoul's " didn't get you , LOL !.

Stay well my friend

Best wishes

Alan

Don't feel guilty for being gamble free...It's a massive achievement 🙂 & loving the update, lovely to hear you spending time with your children...I never carved pumpkins with my mum!

Good to see that hubby is getting more involved, keep working on staying gamble free (they don't have to trust us with money - probs best they don't), January is not far away & then support can come in different guises!

It may not feel like it, without the respite that gambling provided, but you are doing great! Keep fighting - ODAAT

I decided we needed a treat, ok not so good in the run up to xmas but sometimes needs must.....I brought some colouring books and nice (cheap) pens and pencils with the idea that it'll help all of us alleviate some stress...the husband hasn't participated but the oldest and mid kid have spent a few evenings cheerfully colouring, no squabbling over who is using what pen/picture.

I've restructured the debt on the credit card, it's been moved from the husbands to mine as it was offering an interest free deal, the hubby has cancelled one of his cards as it's not been used for many years....so there was me all happy, happy, joy, joy that we'll be able to clear more off the debt as not paying interest...errr no.....the hubby wants to pay £400 (£33 a month) for a health check and do £100 a month in share stuff through work, ok fine it's deducted before tax but if we had that spare every month then we would be out of the credit card sooner! I say that one paragraph after saying I've brought colouring books and pens but a one off £30 on something to help my kids deal with stress and something we can all do sitting round the table as a family as opposed to a monthly commitment for the next 12 months of £133...we can't do it and i'm the bad guy for us not being able to do it and he's just going to go ahead and do it regardless and I can deal with making it work every month....afterall I managed when I was gambling!

I think I can safely say he's not very on board this week and I absolutely refuse to put myself back in a position where I'm having to juggle everything and worry where the money is coming form....if he wants to do it then fine but he can be the one that makes it work and deal with the stress from it all.

And breathe......other than that things are just ticking along....I wake up in the morning and go to bed of a nightime, there are ups and downs throughout the day but I am grateful to be able to tackle them with a much clearer head than I had this time last year.

Hope today is being kind to all 🙂

Been plodding on sorting, clearing, cleaning and organising....managed to sort through most of the paper work and halve the pile, only a little left to do. It feels good to be clearing out all the crud we don't need, I'm slowly getting everything back under control and it feels a little scary (which sounds really stupid i know!) but it also feels good.

Still don't have much to say but I am still here reading most days for a few mins at a time, I've had a few urges but nothing I haven't been able to work past, if it's a nice easy (I use those terms loosely) one then I distract myself with something until it passes and tell the hubby in the evening when he's home, if it's a stronger one then I generally phone him and tell him and we chat for a few mins but he makes a point of checking back in with me half hr or so later to see how i'm doing.

I'm walking an average of 2miles a day with the little one....regardless of the weather! After the storm the other week we went out on the sunday morning (leaving the others indoors), both wearing wellies, and really made the most of the fabulous puddles that were in our road.....30mins later we were soaked through, only saw one other person (who was having a good chuckle at us) and felt slightly sad that I couldn't encourage the others to come out with us, I can forgive the oldest as he had had an operation on both feet 4 day previously but I'm sure the mid kid and hubby would've enjoyed themselves.

I really do like this time of year, I like wearing jumpers and scarves, big warm coats, the cold in the morning and the rain, I like listening to the wind during the night, I like sitting on the floor doing puzzles and suddenly the youngest jumping up and pointing at the clouds and declaring it's a dinosaur. I feel like I'm starting to wake up.