Struggle journal

Well done Amanda you a doing so well, I am a day behind you. I know what you mean about keeping busy, especially at those peak times! Keep posting and thank you for posting on my diary too.

To know you are not alone in itself is a great help!

Well done Amanda, you are doing great. the most important thing to have when quitting gambling is determination and you have that.

Keep doing what your doing and you will succeed!

Hope to hear from you soon,

All the best

Adam x

Just popping by to say Hi Amanda 🙂

Hope all is well with you...

M x

Thank you all for your much appreciated support and advice, all is going well and staying strong.

Day 7

Well at the end of today I have the very pleasing news I have not gambled for a week. Very happy with this and will not be able to count the money I have potentially saved. Kept myself very busy but must admit that it has been hard, especially when I feel alone or down.

Anyway a week gamble free and will say the same in another week 🙂

Hey Amanda,

Very well done for a week g free!!! Way to go!!

Every day g free brings more belief and strength to us. Dark days always passes and sun comes out again.

Don't fight the storm...learn to dance in a rain :-))

Thanx for message, most appreciated

Take care and keep it up

I'm proud of you!!!!!

Sandra x

Well done Amanda and thank you for posting in my Diary.....

Yes it is hard especially when we feel down or alone, but remember my lovely....we are not alone anymore!

Stay strong and have a great weekend!

M x

Hi there, keep strong and weep if you need,i am serious about quitting and this time i feel really hard to keep going,probably due to the amount of money spend and the consequences,please be strong and talk to someone when the urge comes,play a character with the children,but don't give up,be strong! good luck

Hi Amanda,

I noticed that you started a diary after writing in the new members forum and I had to see how you were getting on! Well.. I think 'Hit the ground running' would be a good way of summarizing your tremendous progress at such an early stage. Maybe you can follow in the footsteps of the legend that is Duncanmac, who wrapped up over a year gamble free from the moment he put his electronic pen to paper here at GC.

Keep arming yourself with all the necessary info, continue to be open about your urges and always remember that this can happen to the best of us! The urges will diminish in time, as will the guilt and shake up in confidence.

Today you should be proud, you have sought out some help, you have been honest about where you are and you have the desire to fight this terrible addiction! The gloves are off! Use everything you have learnt so far to fend off that irrational beast should she come knocking! You are right to title your diary with the word struggle in it, which is of course true as of now, but, you will become stronger and with every passing day it will become less of a struggle and sometimes a joy, or you will feel a real sense of pride that a quick bet hasn't entered your mind for a week! I have said in the past that 'this is easy' after a few months but, the temptation is always there and complacency managed to trip up my logic! So in conclusion I guess this is a struggle! I don't know where I am going with this!

Anyways...Enjoy each gamble free day at a time and keep up the great resolve that you are harnessing!

All the best

Alexis

Thank you all for your support and advice, many things contribute to my goodness knows how many years and £s of gambling.

I have had the childhood with gambling that I stated in my first write up but I also had a mother who was an alcoholic. I had some very bad situations as a child especially between the ages of 8-14. I have been to councillors and allsorts but one just laughed as they could not believe I had been through so much, others just could not relate to me as I am a very closed person. My father would not take court action as he is a very reserved person who likes to wipe things under the carpet and pretend they never happened.

I have never opened up or come to terms with what has gone on and gambling has filled a gap that does not allow me to deal or think of all this. We all have pasts and some of us can deal better than others, my way was to close off and not think about it whatever the cost. I know that this is not the answer, I can not gamble as I do not want to loose my loving husband and I want the best for my children.

I am finding other ways to occupy my mind but I know that I have to deal with this as reading, playing games or playing with my kids will only last so long. I hope that all the emotions I have suppressed don't come back all at once as I will have a melt down. I am very lucky that I still have my loving husband who has read all I have put on here and is so supportive. He knows my reasons which is probably why he is still with me. Unfortunately the light is still quite far away from me but I am hoping in time it will get nearer.

I can not believe that I have put this and is more than I have said about my past for many a year now, I do not think I can actually state the things gone on due to legal reasons but there is nothing much I can not relate to. I became a teacher to help any child who has a past like mine or just to see them excel in any manner.

I am not making any objectives as of yet as I have no idea how I am going to tackle the emotions I know I will have to face. The only thing I know is that I can not gamble, and as ashamed writes on her daily journal: I can not gamble as I can not win! To true ashamed 🙂

Anyway this is far more than I intended to write but obviously I wanted to, hope everyone on here is doing well and not handing over their money to the devil's who provide these online gambling websites.

Keep strong as I will try my hardest to do so, one full week and proud!

Amanda

Anyone will be proud of what you have achieved so far in your struggle to eliminate something that has been so present in your life for a long time now, its hard but you are showing others how it should be done during these early stages of your recovery.

It is difficult to know what to include in your diary and you may look back and probably be shocked at some of the things you wrote, but don't worry about it, if it helps you in your quest for resolution then type away!

From what I gather, most of us here have some kind of emotional anomaly in our lives which make us vulnerable to certain things, be it drugs, gambling etc etc. I've often wondered if we are subconsciously trying to beat ourselves up via the pain we put ourselves through, but that is open for discussion and I have yet to draw conclusions about it.

I'm really sorry to hear about the difficult issues that you have had to try and deal with growing up, you mentioned that you saw councillors but to no real avail, is it worth investigating some one on one time now? I appreciate that this is a difficult subject for you but I would guess that it would only be beneficial to you. I am no expert of course, but either way I think that you can take control of the gambling.

You have chosen a noble profession and obviously have plenty to give, that desire to help others through life is commendable, just apply it to yourself every day, be kind to yourself, you certainly deserve it!

From reading your posts I can see that your mindset is already changing, you know you cant win, you know it has to go as it serves no purpose in your life, only misery! I don't know if you picked up on my diary about eliminating just one of the following: TIME - MONEY - LOCATION and the door will be firmly shut. Try to maintain this during these early stages and you will be surprised at how those thoughts of your next gamble become less prevalent.

Keep fighting the good fight and keep enjoying your gamble free life. You're doing great!

Hope you are having a wonderful Sunday!

Alexis

Hi Amanda, I have just been reading through your diary. It really helps to get all those feelings out - you must feel like a weight is being lifted from your shoulders. Keep posting and keep strong xxx

Hi Amanda, i can only reiterate what Alexis said re we have an emotional anomaly or something that is different to other people.Most of us on here seemed determined to self destruct little by little. I found the jon grant speech very helpful (gamcare conference 2012). Not having any experience of what you went through i won`t offer any trite platitudes,..merely wish you continuing strength, courage and confidence to focus on your horizon whatever and wherever that may be.

Simon.

Thank you deluded and pinksparkle I do feel better slowly stating what must be quite obvious to many that we all have a self destruct button that we press for some reason or another. I definitely have emotional anomalies and have from a very early age. This I must force myself to admit as I have known for a long time but have been unable to face. Again this will be something we can all relate to in one way or another. I hide instead of facing and with it all emotions that come with it. The facts of what has happened during my past I bullet point and separate emotions with experience.

I discuss and have delivered drugs/s*x/abuse modules with pupils divulging a little of my past experience, this has helped many pupils knowing they have someone to relate to. I don't go in-depth or anything of that nature only what the government allow. Because of this it has helped allow me to segregate emotions with facts. I hope all this makes sense lol.

Anyway all is well and I am keeping to my day at a time strategy, no gambling and keep my mind busy. School are putting me through A level maths to renew my old A level qualification (currently computer science teacher) with the thought of combining into maths. That should keep me very busy 🙂

Thank you to all who have given me support advice it is very much appreciated 🙂

Well been very busy today, back to work and all that. Not thought about much except to get work done. Good day and no gambling 🙂

Hey Amanda,

Great to see you keeping the lid on this destroying habit 🙂

It will get better and easier with every passing day...fog will clear and you feel so much better with yourself, and of course everyone around you will start seing the change.

Recovery is bespoke and you are worth all the best on a way to ur future 🙂

Well done and be proud

Sandra x