taking my life back

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(@Anonymous)
Posts: 0
 

Just popped in to say G'day and send you hugs.

Love,

Kerrie

 
Posted : 16th June 2007 10:24 am
(@Anonymous)
Posts: 0
 

Hi Peg

I hope things are well with you.

Stay strong

Jim (last bet 22/04/06)

 
Posted : 16th June 2007 3:41 pm
(@Anonymous)
Posts: 0
Topic starter
 

(((((((((Jac))))))))

ROME!!!

fantastic.

I have only been to Europe once...spent a few weeks in Italy...LOVED it.

Not wishing their lives away...but, when the children are grown..I look forward to travelling more (in and out of the states).

We have a few trips coming up in the next couple of months (some with and some without the kiddos) and I am soooooo looking forward...anytime that the two of us are away...no stress and pressures of life...just two people, hanging out, spending time together...it rekindles a spark...I remember why I fell in love with him to begin with...we (or *I*) lose sight of things sometimes..just trying to make it through the day...doing everything that must be done.

I'm getting a lot out of writing the thread on OPG..still have quite a bit of my story (to date) to share... i'm happy to know that you're getting something from reading it, as well 🙂

good to hear from you...been wondering how you're doing.

hope to speak soon....and have a WONDERFUL time in Rome!!!

love,

peg

xoxox

Kerri and Jim..will respond on your diaries..to make sure you see 🙂

 
Posted : 16th June 2007 9:28 pm
DaveUK
(@daveuk)
Posts: 504
 

Hi Peg - thought I would drop by your diary and see how you are doing?

Love

Dave x

 
Posted : 20th June 2007 3:01 pm
(@Anonymous)
Posts: 0
Topic starter
 

hi (((dave)))

I am doing so well...i really have been working on me....slipping back into my 'old ways' sometimes..but doing well and maybe happier than I have ever been.

I have no desire to gamble.

I am not afraid that I will gamble again (I mean..there's no guarantee that I won't ever..but..gambling really isn't a part of my world at all today).

I still spend a lot of time here and at safe harbor...because I can remember how hopeless I felt...how dismal my life seemed and that there was no way that things could ever be 'ok' again...it was important, for me, when I was in that dark place...to see that others had come through it...that there WAS hope and maybe I could be OK again.

My whole attitude is different now...I mean..different (better) than BEFORE I gambled, even...things that used to really stress me out before....the anxiety just isn't here....lots of the things that i have learned have helped me to get to that place...i had a rough day last thursday...things just started all going wrong...i could easily have done the panic/anxiety thing..but then...I thought to myself...how important is this? I mean...it's a big deal right this moment...but how much emotion is it worth investing in it? will this be a big deal next year? next WEEK even? will i be able to recall, in several months...how bad today was...and...will it still seem so bad?

Usually..the answers to all of those questions is no...and I can calm myself knowing that I am OK.

All is well.

btw, Dave...I haven't logged into yahoo messenger in months..and i just did the other day and it looks like you tried to add me to your contact list? I am assuming it was you...anyway..I accepted..so if we're ever on at the same time..would be great to chat!!!

take care of you,

and thanks for asking

Love,

peg

xoxoxoxo

 
Posted : 20th June 2007 9:56 pm
(@Anonymous)
Posts: 0
 

Hi Sweetie,

Lovely to read you - and thanks for reminding me of that all important question: "How important is it?" Very apt at the moment...

lots of love and hugs to you,

Kerrie

 
Posted : 22nd June 2007 2:27 pm
(@Anonymous)
Posts: 0
 

Hey Peg!

Thankyou for that great post on my diary. It means a lot - you have been here for me since I started this - it's very special to me that you look back at how it was and remind me. Hah! Loved the big smooch too! How does it go?

mmmmmwwwaaaaa!

Lots of love,

Kerrie

 
Posted : 24th June 2007 8:04 am
(@Anonymous)
Posts: 0
Topic starter
 

geez

so much going on in peg's world.

this past friday I was moved to take action on behalf of my brother. He is two years younger than I and his drug of choice is alcohol...I have known it for a while..he knows of my gambling..we speak of both of our problems...he KNOWS his drinking is a problem....but has not been ready to do anything about it.

I have talked to him a dozen times in the last three weeks..every time that we speak, he cannot recollect the prior conversation...

anyway...i spoke with other family members on friday, including his wife, and all were in agreement that this had to be done..and soon...so i made a few phone calls...got some information....trying to pull everyone together...late that evening..my sister in law called me to tell me that he had come home...drunk...but asking for help....he made a few phone calls himself, he said...but...did not want to do what any of those people said (check into rehab, get to an a.a. meeting) so he wanted her help.

Everyone is so relieved.

I guess...some part of me is hopeful...but...I *see* how addiction is...I *see* the people who post here daily...desperate...frightened...needy....never to return...and in most cases, I think, return to the addiction...that's a guess...but...it's what *I* did....attended a g.a. meeting...didn't go back for years...when my problem was much much worse and every aspect of my life had deteriorated....and I am not the only one...people come into g.a. rooms all of the time...never to return....OR...they come in..and say that they, like I, had come before but then didn't stick with it.

anyway....

everyone else is relieved...problem solved, they think.

I am frightened for him.

Well....all I can do is all I can do...I sent him an email stating that I love him and I am there for him always, not matter what ever happens.

all i can do.

* * *

I have been working the steps..and I am changing...I hear people talk about that..the promises, etc...'they are being fulfilled among us'..and... I wasn't really sure what that meant...I really didn't believe it...but...they are certainly manifesting themselves in my life....even in the midst of crisis..i am ok...i have never been this ok...and working this program...i have only begun 🙂

love to all who read here.

there is hope

you are not alone

peg

xoxoxo

 
Posted : 26th June 2007 6:33 pm
Lydia1
(@lydia1)
Posts: 10
 

You have surrendered peg. You have put the trust in what others have told you, will help you. You are not fighting the truth and fooling yourself.

When I hear "I want help but........." then I know the point has been missed. There is no but. There can be no conditions placed.

Its like learning to swim and taking your foot off the bottom and believing the water will support you.

If you can do that, then you have cracked it. There is no 'but' because that is hanging on to the old life.

Going with the new is an act of faith that another way of life will and can be better. A way of life that is alien to the addict, so it has to be an act of faith.

You can only be an example to your brother peg, but perhaps you have some insight into the inner pain that is tormenting him?

Asking his wife to sort him out is a tad unfair and blackmailing? Making vows when drunk not very reliable either? Sorry peg - I think you know this, but the family isn't ready either.

Be strong, your example is sending a powerful message and will reverberate around the family, making changes.

Love Lydia X

 
Posted : 26th June 2007 8:58 pm
(@Anonymous)
Posts: 0
 

Hi Peg

(Big sigh)... what is it i want to say... YOU are doing a fantastic job - you really seem to understand where your brother is now... Much better than the rest of your family. And you are ok because you are accepting he has his own journey.

Have you noticed... that addicts turn their loved ones into "addicts" as well? In some ways, the addict and the ups and downs become their whole life? Understandable, of course - but you have accepted that, at this stage at least, the outcome for your brother is very uncertain.

Peg, you have achieved something quite... healthy - or clever - for want of a better expression. YOU HAVE CHOSEN TO STEP OFF THE ROLLER COASTER. You have chosen not to gamble with your emotions and well being. Good on you, girl! And, paradoxically, it means you really are more support to him because you are not riding his successes and failures. You are not adding to his burden. Congratulations, my friend, this is a powerful, graceful ability.

Lots of love and general cheerleading to you,

Kerrie

 
Posted : 27th June 2007 2:26 am
(@Anonymous)
Posts: 0
Topic starter
 

thanks ladies 🙂

we can all use all of the cheerleading that we can get!

Eight months today.

I keep thinking about that thread that I started..the places that I found help...and getting back to it...I left off on 10 30 06, I believe...the day that I truly started recovery...8 months ago today...

I really had no idea then...no idea..that gambling wasn't really my problem at all --- my problem was peg.

xoxo

 
Posted : 30th June 2007 6:21 pm
(@Anonymous)
Posts: 0
 

Hi Peg & well done reaching 8 months of recovery, I'm so pleased for you. Reading your posts are very inspirational. I'm very much a novice with the PC so am not really that confident posting & replying although I always have a read through your thread. Love & best wishes. God Bless, John.

 
Posted : 30th June 2007 8:28 pm
(@Anonymous)
Posts: 0
 

Hi Peg

EIGHT MONTHS! FANFUCKINGTASTIC! Congratulations, Sweetie!

Have you noticed john and I have uncovered the secret of sneaking in so-called offensive language? Ooooh, I feel so naughty, teehee! Really, really do need a hobby....

lotsof love,

Kerrie

 
Posted : 1st July 2007 6:18 am
(@Anonymous)
Posts: 0
Topic starter
 

((((John))))) thank you - by the way...your post on Kerrie's diary had me laughing out loud...thank you for that 🙂

and (((kerrie))) you are hilarious! I was chuckling at that too!!

We're going on a vacation...we leave tomorrow...

I have so many things to do today, to prepare...and I am so so grateful that I am here and present and living my life.

Love to all who read here...you are not alone....see you next week!

Love,

peg

 
Posted : 3rd July 2007 1:22 pm
(@Anonymous)
Posts: 0
 

Hi Peg!

Love it! I'm entry 299 on your diary! Seems auspicious somehow...

Hope you have a lovely break - lots of fun & relaxation.

Lots of love,

Kerrie

 
Posted : 3rd July 2007 2:04 pm
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