taking my life back

Hi Peg

I have been reading your Diary over the last 2 days and WOW you are a true inspiration. Thank you for your entry on my Diary and your support

Warm Regards

Lucy xx

I just woke up from the first gambling dream I've had in years.

The thing is...it wasn't REALLY a gambling dream...I am not sure that I actually sat in front of a machine at all....

But I was there...and I'd told lies about where I'd be....and I kept running out of money and writing checks to get more.

Then I saw some women that I knew that I hadn't seen in a while. They don't know me well enough to know about my gambling problem....but they would surely mention to OTHER friends (who do know) that they'd seen me..and WHERE.

I was trying to come up with some stories ----all of those checks...how was I going to explain needing so much cash?? and----how could I possibly explain being there?

I had forgotten how bad those dreams are...how real they can feel.

well...I should feel relieved right now...on some level I suppose I do...but it's really hard to shake this overwhelming feeling of dread.

But...it was not real. Today, that is not my life.

peg

Hi Sweetie!

Sounds like the dream put you in a yucky space for a while.

Hope it's gone away again...

love,

Kerrie

I have those dreams almost every night. I know they aren't pleasant but I think they are necessary to keep us away from gambling in real life.It can be dangerous to get complacent about our recovery-and those dreams can help remind us of the bad times we have experienced before.

Hi Peg. You're right - that is NOT your life. I'm sorry you had the dream, though. I'm sure it was unsettling. I dream about gambling often (although not every night), and for me, it's hard because in my dreams, I'm always hitting a huge jackpot, and when I wake up I think, "maybe it was a sign." But, it's not reality, and knowing that is a big step. 🙂

You really are an amazing person, Peg, and I'm so glad that you decided to come here and share your story. I know you have made such a huge difference in the lives of everyone you've met here!

Love, Anna

Hi Peg

Thanks for the reminder about the dreams. I had one a few days I had won the lottery and paid of all my debts and I then saw myself loosing it all at the casino tables and ended up more in debt.

You are right it is NOT MY LIFE, my life is getting better and hopefully the dreams will fade xxx

Lots of luv

Lucy xx

Hi Lucy,

Thanks for replying to my own thread earlier. Those dreams-I expect that they will never fade I'm afraid, but we need to embrace them rather than get worried about them. I feel as badly as you and Peg do when I have them ,but they could be excused as a timely reminder of what we went through-and it's usually a great relief waking up from them. I think they serve to remind us how close we always are to relapse if getting too complacent about recovery.

Hi Peg

I am so glad that you are still posting and are stronger than I was last time around.

Dreams can be good or bad. Good are things to aim for. Bad are things to forget. I know that this may sound petty but I always have to tell my kids that bad dreams are not real life, a bit like films and tv.

xxx

There is no problem so big that it cannot be solved.

I listened to a speaker years ago...a mother...and this was what she constantly preached to her children...I loved it...it has been many years since I heard her speak, and I remember it, and use it myself, still.

There have been times when I didn't believe it....but, the truth is...every problem that I have ever had...regardless of how overwhelming it seemed at the time...a bad grade on a report card...an oversight at work..a car accident that was my fault...living i a bad marriage...those things...are not a problem for me today...they are behind me.

At one time, the consequences of my gambling were overwhelming...surely they were too big to be solved...the only way out..geez..the only way to STOP gambling, i thought, was to die.

that amazes me still...that I could ever have gotten to a place where death was an option.

I am happy to be here today.

Life is good.

Life is very very good.

There is no problem so big that it cannot be solved.

What a wonderful post Peg, this has inspired me.

Sometimes I feel I am sinking in self pity and shame but the thing is I can't change the past only move forward and you are right.there is no problem too big, life will go on.

Thanks

Tc Wxx

Peg...Thank you once again

Luv Lynn xxx

Peg

You are so right, nothing that can't be solved. I don't look at worries as problems now, I only see an opportunity to use my brains / wits to resolve them.

I have never told anyone before, a few years ago I thought along the same lines as yourself, nowhere to go, seemingly everyone else was making progress while I stood still, in fact I was regressing, sinking deeper. I came across an Elton John song as I looked through some of my stuff...Someone saved my life tonight...must have played it 20/30 times over / over. It most certainly wasn't Lady Luck that had her hooks in me, maybe her sister.

I came up with a plan to write all my bets down, then use the information to narrow down my stronger areas and ditch the weak ones.

It worked to some extent, allowed me to cut back on impulse betting. But wasn't a plan to stop me betting, I needed outside intervention for that.

Your a true inspiration to everyone on the forum Peg.

Hey peg hun good to see ya! I'm really grateful for all that you have done to support me in my recovery. You are an inspiration. And you are right we all learn tools to be able to cope with whatever we get chucked at us in this life and when we don't have tools then others come around and offer their tools and that is what you have done for me.

Keep enjoying your really really good life!! and your next gambling free 24 hours! love ya hun x

Hiya Peg,

Just dropped by to say HI!!

I was just thinking about how you helped me with your words of support and encouragment early on in my diary!!

I just wanted to say thank you so very much for your messages during some very difficult stages of my withdrawl!! I often read back to a couple of months ago and realise just how low I was!!

Thanks so much for being here and supporting everybody.......;o)

Lots of Love Col xoxoxo

I'll be leaving tomorrow morning for a short vacation.

Back next week.

Each of you will be in my prayers.

xo