taking my life back

Peg

Just wanted to say a big thanks for all your continued support, i'm glad you are here!

You helped so many of us last year....you bring so much warmth to the forum. I really hope this can be the year that so many of us move away from gambling and make things happen in our lives. You are right, we are the designers of our lives. We can make things happen. We have learned from our past mistakes, but cannot change them. So heres to the future that we can change for the better....

Take care Peg....

Doodle

Just to say thanks for th post Peg,it helps to know friends like you are out there and going to Safe Harbout I was crying a lot but all ther were so kind.

I guess I just have to accept my consequences now whatever they may be.

W xxx

If I gamble, my mind goes into a ‘zone' where my money and my time are meaningless. I become sort of hypnotized…drugged (dopamine) and cannot stop gambling.

I will neglect my job, my friends, my family…I will miss appointments…I will be late for or miss anything that might be on my schedule.

I will avoid telling people what I am doing….which means that I will isolate, and lie.

I do not gamble to get money….that is one of the lies that this addiction tells me…to get me to feed it….the truth is…I gamble TO GAMBLE.

That is why…it doesn't matter what the odds are…it doesn't matter how lucky I am….it doesn't matter if I win thousands of dollars….I will, sooner or later….end up penniless…because I am not gambling to get money…I just want to keep going and going and going and going.

If I win

I will stay to gamble more.

If I lose

I will stay to gamble more.

I must not play because when I do, I cannot stop.

To gamble…..lies, isolating, loss of priorities, damage relationships, have to do without things that I could otherwise easily afford (financially)…

Or

I can live my life.

I deserve my life.

You deserve yours too.

It is not easy to break free from the cycle…it is d*mn hard…but it can be done..it *IS* being done…

It is not easy,

But it is worth it.

YOU are worth it.

It may not seem like it sometimes….that it is possible….or that you are worthy…but it is true…both are true.

I promise.

Never stop trying to stop.

There is hope.

wow

i just read Mike's intro and I recalled something that geez...that i had completely forgotten.

I was in Vegas...my husband and the kids were there too...there was a slot tournament...i did terrible. I did so terrible...that I got the prize for lowest score (which was the same prize as highest score)...so I had cash...and I was pulling an all nighter...

I wasn't doing well on the machines...so I started playing at a table.

i was exhausted..it must have been 4 a.m....and the more money I'd lose..the more I'd raise my bet...I was the only one at the table...the casino was pretty empty...and the dealer...a girl...looked at me...so sad..and said "why dont you take a break for a while...come back later...your luck might change"

i figured..she was right.

so i changed tables 🙁

i blew all of the prize money that night and had to take a cash advance on the credit card so that my husband wouldn't know what i'd done.

my life...such a different life from today.

Recovery works....there is hope...this is DO-ABLE.

Hey Peg!

I related to that story SO MUCH. And I haven't ever played those games! But i have been that last to leave, obviously tragic soul, with staff looking at me pityingly. Urk.

Both you and Rusty have been reminding me of the pointlessness, if nothing else, of the whole gambling excercise. I reminded me, too! I sort of had to do it, I think. I had gotten stuck in a pattern, and couldn't break free. Somehow, a bit of catharsis was necessary. Fortunately - I only needed a little catharsis! So now I'm trying to look after my emotional self better - avoid the build up that inevitably causes me to self destruct somehow. Not sure how the people around me like it! lol.

Anyway, thanks for sharing,

Sending you lots of love and hugs,

Kerrie

Hey Sweetie,

Great idea! May cross continents again myself one day - ya never know!

Love,

Kerrie

Life is so good today.

Even my worst day now is better than my best day when I was in the cycle.

I just wasn't *ME* then...I didn't ACT like me...didn't THINK like me...

I wasn't ok

These days...my life is not about not gambling.

I mean...it's important that I not gamble.

BUt it's not an issue for me...not today anyway...it hasn't been for a while.

I KNOW that it's important for me to stay connected...and...to GROW....so rather than focus on what i should NOT do (gamble)...my energies on what I SHOULD do (develop spiritually).

geez..that kind of talk used to make me cringe...because I have seen zealots..don't wanna be one...don't wanna be 'religious' at all... I have discovered that being 'spiritual' doesn't necessarily mean being 'religious'.

it may or may not even be about God.....

I haven't always been certain there IS a God...and even now...the NATURE of a supreme being eludes me...so I don't worry about that..don't even think of it...I *AM* pretty sure that there is a part of me beyond what is obvious....a part of me that is not this body...that is not even my THOUGHTS....there is a part of me that HEARS my thoughts...my wise self...

if that is where my focus is....well...

gambling is just not compatible with who I am today.

Hi Peg. So glad to see that you are doing well and LIVING. Good and bad, you take each day as it comes, and you look at your life through honest eyes. For so long when we are lying and hiding and kidding ourselves, we can't do that.

I'm so thankful for you, Peg, and for everything you've done to help those around you.

Love, Anna

Hi Peg

I've only read your last post, but you ooze confidence and the feeling of happiness within yourself comes right across the pages.

Thank you.

When I finally get my home internet back(soon I hope as I feel stronger now to use it wisely) I will take the time to read all of it. I'm sure there will be a lot for me to take on board.

Thanks a gain.

God Bless

Charly

Hi Peg

Good to hear from you and pleased you are still sounding so positive.

You are where I want to be and now truly feel I can get there.

I am not sure I am religious either but often feel there must be a something else.

Still no to worried about that for the moment just wanted to let you know how you have helped me in this journey.

Have taken the wisdom from your posts and having come clean with huby on 23/1/2008 I finally feel I can truly keep on with this journey its the only way for me.

Love W xxx

I have to agree with all of the above

Forever may your joy continue 🙂

(((Peg)))

Hello 🙂

Just wanted to pop into your diary to let you know that I think of you.

You are such a success to yourself. Its wonderful just living life eh?

I know it hasnt always been that way, especially in the early days but it has been a privilege to watch you grow.

Your family must be so proud of you Peg, now they have YOU back properly in their lives....and most importantly YOU have YOU back.... without which, the rest wouldn't of mattered in Pegs 'old life'.

"gambling is just not compatible with who I am today."

Just love that bit Peg 🙂

Jackie x

Hi Sweetie!

Wise self

As a committed atheist, when i was in the "other" fellowship I struggled horribly with the third step. Tried the "fake it til you make it" - didn't make it. lol.

One kind and understanding member gave me some "underground" literature that made all the difference. It said something like "God's will is our own true will for ourselves".

It was life-changing.

I still let that wise voice, my wise self, get drowned out by the noise of life. I don't always understand that i'm not listening.

But it's always there...

Thanks for reminding me.

lots of love,

Kerrie

BEEN READING SOME OF YOUR POSTS ON HERE, VERY EMOTIONAL, BRILLIANT PEG WELL DONE, SO WELL DONE, YOUR VERY STRONG, HOPE I CAN GET THERE

Hi Peg - just touching base with you - you were there for me back in December last year and I appreciated your kind and wise words - hopeing you are well, bests JG