taking my life back

in the safe harbor chat room we have some scheduled meetings...in the meetings, we basically take turns 'sharing' which means, basically, you have the 'floor' and you talk about whatever it is that's on your mind.

sometimes the topics are 'open topic' which means..talk about 'whatever you want to' and other times..there is a specific topic like, character defects or dealing with urges or what changes you've madein your life since you've stopped gambling...it can be anything recovery related really...

often times, a meeting topic is introduced and i talk about that topic or whatever is going on for me.. and then i continue to ponder that topic for days...

i have really come to enjoy the 'topic' meetings because it introduces subject matter to me...i get to hear different people's views on that subject..then i can ponder.

One Day at a time was the topic a couple of months ago and that meeting was enlightening for me.

I've heard people say that before...and I suppose I've always associated it with some anonymous program (AA?) but I never really gave it much thought.

After attending that meeting listening to others I wanted to share a few things.

It seems to me that to many new people One Day At a Time means to 'just get through today without gambling'.

sometimes, a day is too much to tackle...which is when we do one hour or even a minute at a time.

Once we get past those initial days and the urges are not as frequent nor as strong (for many of us..the urges completely disappear and we feel like we're on top of the WORLD...and unfortunately, sometimes that makes us feel like we're all better) but when those urges are not an issue One Day at a Time tends to take on a different meaning and can mean different things to different people.

For *me*, *today*, one day at a time means to live in the moment.

Here and now is all I have.

Yesterday is gone, I cannot change it or undo it.

Tomorrow may never come.

All I have..all that any of us really have is now...today.

It occurs to me that any sadness that I have in my life is due to things i do not have or fear that i won't have in the future...

for instance, i do not have my mom

i am afraid i may lose my job or my child won't get accepted into a school, etc. etc. etc.

SO

if i focus on right now..this moment...what I HAVE (as opposed to what I do not have) and try to APPRECIATE what I have...my whole attitude changes.

I am so happy that I have this pc....and this internet connection....and that i found this forum...and that gamcare EXISTS...and that you are here to read and post and teach and learn...and that I am too.

Love to all who read here.

xoxoxo

(((Tracey))) thank you 🙂 that's what it's all about.

xoxoxo

G'day Peg,

"EXCRUTIATING" hmmm perhaps not such a good idea of mine. Just thought I'd break up the conversation a bit, but at the same time do know a couple of girls who thrive on that sort of thing. Maybe they're the only girls in the world who do? Agree your climate is not ideal but 10 mile a day on an indoor treadmill and then off to the Berlin Marathon. Run Peg Run. Take it easy. f. Gump

marathon....synchronicity (((Carol-Ann!!! are you out there?))) I received an email today...contained a link to an article and video on d**k and Rick Hoyt...they 'run' marathons, triathalons...I watched it when I received it, then again with my husband tonight...I cried both times.. (if you're interested, google it..I don't think I'm supposed to post a link)...

ANYway..this story touched me deeply...these runners...and now this comment from you TTNY..from out of nowhere?

hmmmmmmm

'what does it all MEAN basil?' A. Powers

Know the video your talking about. Just watched it again. Music gets me at the best of times. Did you get the run peg run thing? If not ask your boys they might get it. Basil who? Fawlty?

run peg run...i *did* get it...love forest.

basil---the quote is from Austin Powers..basil was his 'boss?' 🙂

Good one Peg, you got mine, I didn't get yours

Developing a better way of thinking and living........

Yesterday morning my oldest son was running late and missed his ride to school.

Ordinarily, this would have been an inconvenience for me..but yesterday, it was a *problem*....I don't usually drive anyone to school in the mornings..but I had agreed to drive my OTHER son's carpool yesterday (someone was out of town).

SO

I have Four kids to get to school at one end of town and one kid to get to school (exams too!) on the OTHER side of town...all at the same time...no possible way I could accomplish this.

Not to mention the fact that my car has been in the shop for 7 months from a bad accident that I had...MY car would fit 5 kids...what I'm driving right now won't.

So I don't have the ROOM or the TIME.

old peg would have been freaking out.

old peg would have been angry.

I wasn't *happy* but I knew that I just had to find a way to make this happen, and there wasn't much time...

I called someone ELSE from the car-pool of four...explained the jam that I was in...apologized PROFUSELY (for such short notice..can you bring the kids to school NOW?) and that was taken care of.

problem solved.

Son and I get in the car...old peg would've screamed once or twice in the house already...then would be angry right now...son would KNOW mom was angry...if he tried to say anything (he probably would not) old peg would've made sarcastic remarks or at least would've responded in a nasty tone.

but yesterday....

we got into the car and i say "this is NOT cool"

he said "i know"

(I could tell that he knew)

I said "we have to do better. this cannot happen again"

he said "i know."

that was it.

we chatted about this and that..and when he got out of the car, he was telling me a story and mentioned that he hadn't been to his locker in over a month...as he is getting out of the car, he smiles and says "and i have some uneaten lunches in there" we both burst out laughing ..."GROSS!!!!" I say...door closes, I drive away.

as i drive away, I wonder if i a have just done the right thing...did i let him off too easy? no consequences?

so i think about it...

he *knows* he has to do better.

if i had been angry at him...what would be different right now?

Well...I would be driving away with my stomach in knots.

He would probably be upset right now...and have difficulty focusing on the task at hand...the exam.

I would have a rotten day (or at least..the next few hours would suck).

He would probably have a rotten day too.

That is the only thing that would be different....the way we FELT....it wouldn't have changed anything else...and we were both LAUGHING...why on earth would I want to change that?

Recovery is affecting every aspect of my life....and other's lives also 🙂

xoxoxo

If I gamble I cannot be who I really am.

Hi Peg, great story!

I wanted to ask your advice...I find it really hard to deal with being angry....do you find this? How do you cope?

Also, i'll be on your side of the Atlantic next week (New York!) on business so i will think of you!

Hi peg.

Firstly i just manted to say that i think its great what you do here, you're there for everyone. full of words of encouragement, wise words, knowing words! i like your last ones, one simple sentence but so true. i cannot believe the person i have become and cannot believe the person i am becoming again after only 4 days clean.

keep up the good work peg, its really appreciated.

Take care claire xx

(((Susie)))

Anger...I have really been struggling with this...particularly because I have teenage boys...I will read and chat and learn and have real 'peace' all day, then the kids come home from school and one boy is picking on the other and they dump their cr** in the middle of the floor AAARRRGGGHHHH! serenity goes out of the window

i was beating up on myself about that...thinking anger was bad.

Am learning...anger is NOT bad...my feelings are not good, my feelings are not bad..my feelings are mine. Period. They exist. They are. Now...how to DEAL with them...THAT is key...

I decided that some of my RESPONSES to anger were not attractive to me...sorry ARE not attractive...so I tried to change my RESPONSES.

I am angry less often...the thing is...I am not focusing AT ALL on trying not to be angry...that is something that is just evolving because of all of the other changes I am making, I suppose.

Acceptance.

xoxox

(((Claire))) You are so sweet 🙂

It *is* great...what I'm doing here ...the thing is...it's the same thing that you are doing...we are all here doing the same thing...we are posting here for two reasons....to help ourselves and to offer hope and strength to others.

I have a little too much free time on my hands...so I am here often 🙂

I am really not wise or special...I am just like you...I have been around recovery for a little while and I WANT IT...so I am HONEST, OPEN and WILLING.

I am listening and learning and I am learning to listen.

I am simply passing on what has been passed to me.

It is the way.

OH! Susie..about you thinking of me during your travels...

Two weeks ago when I was on my way to San Fransisco...had a lay over in Dallas and as we were landing, stewardess is calling out gates of connections...I am listening as she is calling out gate #'s and names of cities...and smiling to myself...I knew someone (from safe harbor) from about 1/3 of the cities that she called out...is amazing the bonds that we can make this way...just our words 🙂

I hope you have a nice time on your trip 🙂

It costs me work to become that..

Peggs ..

Gambling was a problem it caused more problems so much I forgot the pain I ran from ..

Today I dont question why I gambled , because I did and got hooked . It's coming away using a program daily . Coping , means naming , claiming and venting. So simple but so complex because of my mind, the elaborate mind games cost me so much time thinking I lost focus on living.. .. Glad you have a doctor there . he sounds good........lol.....WTg.