I've seen quite a few members recommend recovery diaries, so thought I'd give it a shot.
So about me, I'm 30 started gambling 4 years ago. Started with online bingo, would only waste the odd £10-£20 a week, then moved on to slots. At first I could take it of leave it. It all changed after a year or two. Was gambling most days, I've wasted a hell of a lot of money. The silly thing is after all this time I've only realised it's a problem now. Told my husband I would stop god knows how many times, carried on , again and again. 4 days ago I joined here for advice. Took the first steps, self exclusion, gave hubby acces to the finances so he can check up on me. The main reason I want to stop is for him, looking at the love of my life and seeing how hurt he is over this is killing me. He hasn't once threatened to leave or made me feel bad, I'm the one hurting him, I've decided it's not fair I love him too much.
Back to the gambling! I literally waste all of the money in the bank, skip bills, borrow, chancing a big win. Then lose it all trying for more. Ridiculous when you think of it! I've had big wins, wasted it all..... ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!!
So I'm now on day four, haven't gambled don't want to gamble, don't need to gamble. (Fist pump) i get paid on the 31st and I still have just short of £500 in my account, just sat there not going on stupid slot machines, this is a good feeling.
Kirsty x
Hi Kirsty seems you have put more in place in four days than some do at all . So I'll just give you a warm welcome. Look forward to reading your progress
All the best
Deano
Hi Kirsty, a big welcome from me too. You are certainly not alone, there are plenty of us who started on bingo and got hooked on slots. Bingo was too slow and boring. Slots are so addictive and nobody wins. They just seem to win. Well done for starting a diary. You will make lots of friends on here and understand what draws you back to gambling. Suzy
Hi Kirsty,
Nice to read your diary. It is lovely when you make positive changes and realise how much gambling is affecting your life. I wish you every single success in the world. Keep the diary updated as you can, it is really supportive on here, and you will draw great strength from it.
Kindest regards
Julie x
Hi Kirsty,
It's great you are starting to make those changes you need to in order to become gamble free. Day 5 today for you, halfway there to the double figures.
You can do this, and you can change your life for the better.
Day 5....
Ok so last night I tried to gamble!!!! Had a few drinks and thought just £10 that's all. Anyway as I have self excluded from every bloody site I went on I couldn't! By the time I found a site I hadn't blocked I was over it!! The wanting to gamble feeling had gone completely Thought what the hell am I doing?? Sat there with my Bank card to register, though f**k this, self excluded.
Has had me thinking maybe the gambling feeling is like a craving?? Go's away after a while?
Anyway. Day 5 still GF (fist pump)
Kirsty x
DAY 7....
Still feeling really positive. It's been one whole week. So I decided to treat myself last night and spend £30 on clothes DP had a sale on, so I thought why the hell not : ) £30 is a lot to spend on clothes to me. But I can easily blow that on gambling in one sitting. Daily. Also drew the rest of my money out of the bank in cash. If it isn't in the bank I can't ispend it on online slots.
Here's to a positive week, let's hope it lasts.
Kirsty x
Hope your week is going well Kirsty . I don't think the craving will completely go for a long time, and even if it does, you will remain a compulsive gambler, it will simply be lying dormant. Stopping gambling has given me a new appreciation of money...it can be used to bring me pleasure, but also pleasure to others, instead of simply being a gambling token. Enjoy your new clothes, wear them with pride :-).
Ok so haven't been on for a while. Completely messed up. Gambling for the last few days. : ( absolutely fed up with it. What's wrong with me? I was so positive, though I could do it, I crumbled, a few sites I haven't blocked obviously need blocking. I'm scared to tell my husband. Only gone 2 weeks and done it again. I've never felt this bad, it's not even the money because I'm £500 up! It's the fact I'm still gambling. I'm going to write this off as a bad month. Something else needs to happen, I just don't understand why I keep doing it!
Please lord give me strength. I need it.
Our Lady Hi Kirsty.
Sorry to hear you have had a lapse. As you say, you need to put those extra blocks in place as it clearly didn't make you feel good gambling so it's a "lose lose" situation.
I used to dread telling my sister when I slipped up the odd few times but somehow (and thanks to her non judgemental support), it would never be as bad as I thought.
Move on and start again. You will soon feel the benefits again if you do.
Take care.
Our Lady
Hi, just read your diary...I feel your pain, I'm on day 2 (again unfortunately) I too have absolutely no idea why I do it, online slots are my issue, and no matter how many sites you exclude from it's just not enough, there are too many, I now have a new block on my phone passworded by my wonderful partner, hyponotherpy and I'm going too my first ga meeting on Sunday (so scared! But I'm going!) this is it for me! You say your up but you know that's not true for long, your not up and never will be, we don't win because we cannot stop, I could win enough to plan in my head too pay all the bills and have a little spare, a day later i would be back too my spread sheet working out which direct debit too cancel first and where I could get some money from...come on walk away and get every possible block in place, get your life back on track 🙂 Alice x
I think it has helped me to stop my thoughts being absorbed with money and bills. I am now lifting my money into a tin and paying bills when they come in...no need to check and recheck bank balance but I can finally concentrate on living not obsessing. 2 weeks in and things are different this time. I feel at peace.
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