The end

Know exactly where you are mate I'm feeling exactly the same at the moment got things in place this week to help me.. Good luck mate, I'm sick of the feeling inside FOR WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hi Tangled Web,

Welcome to the Forum!

I have moved your thread into the "recovery diary" section of this Forum. It can be difficult to navigate through this Forum, when you first join and you mentioned that you would like to start a journal to write down your thoughts, experiences and your progress. This will probably be the better place to do so.

I wish you all the best for your journey!

Kind wishes

Gabriele

HI Tanglede web,

Welcome! One thing for sure, you are not alone. I gambled my way into a financial mess and the $ isnt the biggest problem .. Im so tired of the lying, cheating, stealing of ... whatever! My head pounds with confustion and fear, ugh! Its been over a week since Ive been to the casino .. Im mad at me, Im mad at them, Heck, Im mad at everybody! I have just been trying to isolate myself until I can get to feeling better.

Hang in there .. dont give up. I have to remember that I must stay grateful for what I still have ... and dont focus on what Ive lost.

Hope you're doing ok web! Keep going. It's tough but got to stick to it.

Thanks to Change, Happy camper, Kitbag

Im really hazy today. Ive only been One day gamble free and I am already feeling the pull to go. I cannot believe it. I am trying to ignore it. I have caused enough damage. I want change. I want it to stop. I want it to end. I hate the feeling its like an electricity running through me and a bright light at the thought of going, yet, it destroys me. i kmow that it gets worse, It has already gotten so much worse than i ever thought possible and i will be paying debt for a long while to come.

I am struggling to cope with what i have done. I am going to find a way.

Tangled

Today i have not gambled. I nearly went yesterday because i was like a robot ready to do the usual thing. I instead went to visit a friend for a drink and a chat. It was a relief to me driving home thinking wow i didnt go. I wasnt in that state of panic. Though i have done such a lot of damage, i am trying to move on as i have been advised by people. Its hard to let it go but no matter how i wish, its not coming back.

Tangled

Hi,

Welcome to the forum and well done. The early stages are horrible as we are creatures of habit and may try to gamblle without even realising it!!.

Take things one day at a time. You mention debts. Not wishing to pry but I use Stepchange to manage my debts and so far they have been very good. The debts will be paid off eventually.

Try to focus on the future and not the past. I have guilt trips, tears, anger sometimes for how I have behaved in the past but recovery is now the future for me.

There are a lot of good diaries on here which are worth reading. You are doing so well. Keep it going.

Best wishes

Thank you Balvaird

Im writing again because i know what you mean when you said may try to gamble without even realizing it. It is so weird how that happens. Sometimes i will be driving and i am just there. I really need to stop for good. I feel a lot of guilt and shame. I feel huge regret for the money thinking what i could have done with it. Why i did it, how i managed to go through all that. It is not sane. I never thought it would get this deep. I never thought each relapse would lead to this amount of suffering and mess. Im feel awful about myself i really do. I will not let this beat me though. I have a choice, i have to be strong.

Tangled

Good luck tangled. Just keep going a day at a time, I'm on Day one too.. I've written a list of things that make me happy.

Just simple things, everyday things like a meal out or simple pleasures. I've also made a list of things I hate about gambling so hopefully I can use this as a deterrent and just try to remember the horrible feeling you get when losing a big bet.

I'm trying to hold onto that feeling as way if saying let's not go there ever again

Anyway, good luck, you can do it!

Hi Tangled,

I attended GA for just under a 6 months and stopped gambling

I left GA because I thought I was free from gambling and could do this on my own,two months later I was back gambling

Only last June I walked back to GA, I went to a different meeting as I was too embarrassed to let the people I knew see me back again.I sat in the meeting and said a few things about my gambling and listened to the people and thier stories

I came out after the meeting and sat in my car and thought of where I am yet again.

Next day am back in the bookies feeling this is where I belong happy enjoying my gambling GA is for a...holes I said to myself

Come September I was on the Internet gambling every last penny in my account including all my money for my bills.

Next day..... here I am again..... pathetic......sorry to all the people I have hurt yet again... feeling sorry for myself...telling them all I won't gamble again.... am ill... i have a problem.... i'll go back to GA

I never went back to GA ...or gambled.....how have I done it ?

Everyday not gambled was a day closer to my target of promising myself to get to a year off gambling

Was I better off financially No..Was I finacially better off when gambling ? yes or I thought I was..How good did I feel not gambling? not any better....I enjoy gambling.... am only happy when am gambling.....if am not gambling am not happy I said to myself....how wrong I was.....

Your three days off the gambling ...now you've started.........this will take time before you see the results......but you will see them........This isn't about you anymore...!...You're going to say what ! of course it's about me....? that's because we as gamblers are selfish only thinking about ourselves..yes when we win we share makes us feel good great guys we are... deep down we only know the true person we've become through gambling.....

For everday you don't gamble watch your loved ones and the people closest to you.....their changing....you might not notice at first.......but look closer..........remember it's not about you now..........it's about them..........they have stood by you all through your losses and seen you at your lowest and suffered along with you, but only you knew how bad you felt.....did you ever stop for a moment and think about the pain you put them through?....it's your time to pay them back...........and you will.......three days off gambling tells me you can......

Things happen for a reason.......why did I get up this morning and decide to click open gam care.......? why did i read your story..? and why did i decide to reply..?

Hi Tangled , Don't beat yourself up over the feelings of wanting to gamble again !. We as CG's have grown used to what we do to ourselves and we want that feeling good or bad !. Just remember the betting industry spend millions of pounds every year to glamourise and entice us into the betting world ! . So is it any wonder we find it so hard to break free, from something that has brainwashed us into believing what a wonderfull life gambling is going to bring. All our dreams will come true egh? . If only it were advertised correctly , " If you want to feel miserable, deppressed , lose all sense of value , have no money , run up huge debt , and affect everyone you love in a negative way , Come on in and have a flutter "" . And thats the reality Buddy !! Good luck my brother , stay focused on that better life we all desire . One day at a time !! Alan who will not gamble today !

I didnt make it. I went totally mental. I was in a frenzy and i lost everything. I am sick. I am sickened and i am worried i will never stop. Im disappointed. Im sick of the years of gambling, its such a waste. Why can i not just stop going.

Tangled

Mate , not sounding harsh but youv'e got to have a rummage around and find a pair !!. What ever you put in place to stop yourself gambling is gonna do you no good unless you find some willpower !!. Leave it , stop chasing it , because its gone and it's not coming back , simple as that !, Dont say your sick of it and it's a waste ! The only person that can change your life is you my friend , So look forward not back and set off on your journey of recovery and your new future ! , Alan who will not gamble today .

Hi,

Might be time for some tough decisions. Alan nailed it above I'm afraid. Barriers need to be high and in place and you must stick to them. Try to take each day as it comes, even each hour if necessary to beat this.

If YOU want to beat this YOU can and will.

Best wishes