The end

It's not about the money. You can have a clean slate and still be a CG in your mind. AA call it stinking thinking, it comes before the lapse. If the addict in you is still telling you it's ok to gamble / anything goes in order to gamble / life's not fair and you deserve to gamble / you enjoy it really...etc then it's only a matter of time.

Broken triangle is the start. The hard work is changing the mindset. Long term change comes about from changing you, looking at what gambling gives you and why you need it, how to change so you can meet the same need in other ways.

Force yourself back to GA, they'll help you.

BW,

CW

Hi Tangled,

I have been there more than once and over the years I have gambled over two hundred grand. I am still a CG and will always see myself as one but the difference is that now I have more armory to help my battle. I know you feel horrific right now but you can still make it out the other side. Start again with a recovery diary from today, speak to your doctor, arrange some councilling if you still haven't, try and block access to any form of gambling. Talking about it is the most important thing so talk your brains out and write about it constantly. Councilling is not just about gambling it's about you and discovering the reasons why you are the way you are. When I have gambled it's always been to block other parts of my life that I have not been happy with. Playing slots put me into a trance and I used it to block other areas of my life that I was unhappy with. Don't beat yourself up about this relapse, you went a long time without gambling so you know it's possible , I think sometimes the problem is that we just concentrate on not gambling when really it's the cause of it that we should be looking at during this time. Just like when we try and diet , the more we starve ourselves the more we want that chocolate cake or whatever and then eventually succumb. I know what it feels like to get into debt from gambling in just a short space of time and having to pay it off over a year or two, but over time it is possible and come out the other side. Money is not important at the minute anyway, to survive we need food and shelter which we can always find . You are at your lowest point at the minute probably and trust me that's not a bad thing. When you get to this point it is you telling yourself you are now ready for change and trust me, you can reach a height you never thought possible.

This is the start of the rest of your life.

Thank you cynical wife and silver surfer

I cried reading your posts.. i feel so broken, i took my last bit of money i could scrape together and gambled it today, i got some and thought wow see i can do this and i will just leave now. i wrote on my hand cash out and leave. I didnt leave. Of course i didnt leave. I hate this. I am broken. I am so ashamed of myself.

Tangled

Thank you cynical wife and silver surfer

Hi Tangled, This addiction has you deep in its throws, as CW said, firstly break that triangle to shreds, and keep it broken,

It's not about the money, once we start we can't stop, until we are wiped out, even when we win, we plough it straight back, what is the point, of it,

Take a very deep breath,try not to think about the devastation at this time, just take one day/hour/minute at a time for now with everything,

Draw that fat line now, go to GA, get all the support you can get, and fight for your life back, it can be done,

Keep strong and don't be too hard on yourself anymore, you don't deserve to self inflict pain on yourself.

Suzanne xxx

Thank you Suzanne life is just very difficult right now i am trying to find the chat room but cant find how you get in

Tangled web wrote:

Hi just read your story and wondering how you are?, will start my diary later,hope you read it and stay in touch as this is my first day yet again. This site has helped me so much already just by reading other people having same problems. It helps to "comeclean" even if to new found pals.Thanks for letting me have insight into your life-good luck xxx

Thank you Suzanne life is just very difficult right now i am trying to find the chat room but cant find how you get in

Sorry I wrote that in the wrong place that was me writing to Tangled webb-u can see I'm new xx

HI Tangled, hope you are a bit better today. Get on chat tonight : CLICK HERE

As previous posters have said, get the triangle in place and back to GA, where they will open their arms and welcome you back and support you in your recovery. Addiction is an odious affliction and has the ability to lure us back time after time, but we must fight back and regain our lives. When I was at the height of my online slot addiction I would amass a small fortune and then as the pot began to dwindle I would place ludicrous high stake bets until i had nothing left - we NEVER win because we do not have an off button. Stay strong, get help from those around you, keep your diary going, take all measures to get the barriers high. Also, have you considered speaking with your GP? I'm sure this would do you good.

I wish you all the best x

Im struggling. I havent gambled in just over a week. Its just ruined me, i dont know how to live like this. When i gamble i feel nothing. When i stop gamblign i feel terrible. It makes me want to go back and numb but the consequences are too bad. I dont want to feel anymore

Hi tangled,

Don't be so hard on yourself. You come on here and voiced your feelings..this is good start. You don't want to go back to that horrible place. We have all been there...for whichever reasons.
Every choice has its consequences.
I gamble to escape...but as you say, the feeling after is unbearable.
I haven't found the answers. Not even looking for any. All i know - we have to do it for ourselves..not to please others with our right choices but for ourselves because healing starts from within..it truly does ☺

Truly want to support you, yet i feel a lil flat myself. Just know that the feeling will pass & better days will come.

Stick around, keep posting. I find reading uplifting quotes helping my mind a lil too ...maybe give them ago?..not all is lost, a lot more to be gained going forward ☺

(& here i shall give myself a pat on the back for the most positive thought in the last few hours :-D)..ya see - it works..

Look after yourself and life will start falling back in to places where it belong.

Just for today, ...stay safe ☺

Ps. One week g free is awesome foundation to start building on! ..you can do it! ☺

Hi tangled, you're not alone. I did exactly the same thing. I lost everything that I saved this year In 45 minutes on the roulette manchine! It's makes me sick to the stomach. Let's do this together, I'm in 1 day no gambling now so we've got a long way to go. We now how this goes, we will terrible for a few weeks even a couple of months but the pain will soon go, that's the hardest part. First target .... 120 days (3 months)

4 days free,lockable money tin purchased and most of my wages removed and locked away. I am finding it easier to not look constantly at my bank account as it means my thoughts are not absorbed by money