the end of the road, a new start on the way

Morning Ands,

I know exactly what you mean about family and friends. Gambling has made me completely alone and I now feel very stressed just leaving the house. Have no contact at all with friends as when they wanted me to do something social in the past I would always cancel at the last minute due to some gambling mood swing. Have completely cut myself off from society without even realising I had done it, and now am finding it very hard to get back in, my self-esteem is v.v.low indeed. I suppose that means it can only get better.

Hope the job hunt goes well.

You are doing brilliantly in your recovery.

DT

Day 22, i will not gamble today, this is now the longest i have not gambled for a very long time. Feel crappy but gambling would only make me feel worse, with severe consequences. Taking my boys to london zoo today( in the rain), where's summer gone??

Take care all and have a good gamble free day. ands

Hi Ands,

Hope you had a good day at the zoo with your boys, did you get soaked? Thinking of you, not in a *** way.

DT

Hi ands,

Just popping by, glad to see your going strong mate, hope you had a great day at the zoo, your doing good my friend, not long and you will be a month free of gambling, nice work...:-)

green x

Hi Ands,

Glad you are staying strong my friend, its true that gambling cant save you from feeling crappy, but if you hang in there I feel sure you will start to feel better very soon.

How strange for me, but I feel so proud of you though we've never met.

DTs post made me laugh! I wonder if its a case of "the lady doth protest too much" lol. Hes always saying "im not *** though" silly sausage 🙂

Day 23, i will not gamble today, thanks for all your posts. Had a nice day yesterday at london zoo boys loved it, yep we got soaked lol! Just cant seem to move on from the guilt and anger still, but im getting there slowly but surely. You guys and gals on this forum are great, the days feel like there going so slow but i guess there not realy, hard to explain. My problem now is breaking back into society, meeting new people etc.... Gambling definitely isolates you and kinda takes away all your confidence with others and also my interpersonal skills seem to have gone down the loo!!! Im a 35 year old and meeting people is kinda of scarey (god i sound pathetic) lol.

Take care all and have a good gamble free dau. ands

Hi Ands,

One step at a time mate. You've had a rough month, the making friends will come.

If you have a social workers number after the business the other week - give him/her a ring and ask if they know of a local single parents fathers group. If they work in the childrens services dept. they are bound to know whats in your area for lone fathers. I know theres an organisation called surestart who have family centres with single parent support groups and stuff. Just an idea.

Thanks for my message, its nice to have people 'rooting' for you. Im over the worst of the feelings now hopefully!

Take care, stay strong, and hope to see you soon in chat xxx

Ps - just wanted to add that if you are worried about making things worse for yourself by contacting the social worker for help, incase they think 'oh this is a sure sign hes a basketcase', I think it would be quite the opposite to be honest.

The social worker will be pleased to have evidence that you are taking your recovery seriously and trying to build yourself a support network. I just used to work in the field, so know that the social are impressed with people who actively seek support.

Bye for now 🙂

Day 24, i will not gamble today. Not feeling too good today, getting alot of nuisance calls. Think it's a family member not sure tho, phoning bt and changing my number. I am a very impatient person and feels like my life is lacking direction, the urges to gamble are there today, but i have too much to lose so i will not gamble, nearly a month now gamble free. Thanks for all your posts, have social services back next wednesday to check on me and my sons, i am not worried about this as i have not gambled and i am not going to. Going to ask them about single parent groups for fathers and find out what support there is, it will be 4 years end of july i have bought my sons up on my own, so this is kinda of a milestone for me, at times it has been realy hard but incredibly rewarding.

I want my sons to have the childhood i never had, want them to feel loved, cared for, happy, settled and enjoy these years before there gone.

Take care all and have good day. ands

Ands,

Well done on getting to day 24, with everything going on for you at the moment, it is a hell of an achievement and not to be underestimated.

I am pleased you are giving your boys the love they deserve, they are lucky little fellas to have you as their father.

Keep it up buddy.

DT

PS.Freda thinks we are b*m chums.

Andy,

You asked me on a post on my diary 'how I stay strong' , well you are staying extremely strong considering all the s**t you are and have faced. Yes you gat a bit teary but that is to be expected , just don't let the boys see too much of this.

How do I stay strong? You asked so I will answer.

Firstly , I am totally honest with anyone who means anything to me, something I did the opposite too when compulsively gambling.

Secondly , I never let my huge debt get me down. When I was gambling compulsively I never really gave a f*** about money , now I do but I have none and no means to earn any either so I refuse to let it buckle me. Yes I have loads of financial responsibilities that I can not meet. What will be will be!

and finally , you will hear this relentlessly on here, I live one day at a time. It's the only way. The future will look after itself and it will be tough but good in the long run if we do not gamble.

Take Care Andy.

Sorry to hear you are getting nuisance calls, that must be a bit creepy. are they just silent ones?

I wonder if you are going through the same thing as me, recovery-wise. I think we are at a similar stage. I am being troubled by cravings again, but I think its because after a few weeks the novelty has worn off. Its easy to quit for a few weeks for me, but its hard to maintain that. I was so fired up and on a mission at the start, but reality is starting to set in.

Hang in there, we can do it one day at a time!

f x

Ps - DT is right, I think theres a romance blooming on this forum.... joke!

Just to say well done.

Day 25, i will not gamble today, almost a month now, i know its only the start, but im kinda chuffed with myself.

Feel kinda emotionally wiped out, brain wants to shut down, i wished it would! The thoughts of gambling are there but i would have to be realy stupid if i did, my sons come first and they always will from now on. Not losing my boys over some f*****g stupid machine, actualy the thought makes me feel sick. Guess im a little all over the place at the mo, lol!

Thank you for all your posts, have a good gamble free day. ands

Hi mate,

Got me Lil girl soon so just popping in, your doing great my friend, like you say almost a month now, and with the month you have had, you should be really proud.

Have a good day mate, enjoy the boys and keep going.

green x