the end of the road, a new start on the way

Hi ands. Fedup, depressed, feelings of lost oppurtunities, I remember that all to well. Hope this doesn`t sound patronising, but these feelings will subside as you progress along the path of recovery.

I chat to a lot of people that have moved on in recovery and all say very much the same thing. I am 10 years away from the daily visit to the fruit machines and in my 4th year of totally quitting. I played for many years and it is so not a part of my life now.

Just look how far you have come in these few short weeks, is it OK if I say that I feel proud of you? You put those kids first and maybe they won`t be going to Florida, so what. When I was a kid I never got there. None of that stuff is important.

What is important is the way you care for them and in time, with all your hard work you are doing now in quitting, you will realise that.

As for smashing up those machines, I remember that feeling well. Hang on in there, you have lots of friends here.

Ands,

Am so pleased for you I cannot put it into words, your own post and your post on my diary have reduced me and k to a blubbing mess.

Cant believe that I could feel so happy for someone I have never met, but I genuinely do. You have amazing strength, humility, resolve and most of all love for your boys. They are lucky little people to have such a caring father.

Well done today, you deserved it so much, if you were gambling that would not have happened, non gambling ands is a great person to know.

Congratulations.

DT and K

Dear Ands,

I needed something to cheer me up today and your last post did it....actually made me smile 🙂

You have shown an amazing strength of character ands.....I would definitely employ you! Hey, and as for being 8 stone.....sounds like you need one of my roast dinners.

Love to you and your boys.......Jas xx

Our posts crossed. Very pleased for you:). I did have counselling years ago before I started gambling. In fact felt fairly sorted but that old gambling creeps up on you.

However I can`t see that it will do you any harm mate.You are one honest poster and honesty is the prime ingredient in counselling. Good luck with it.

Words wouldn't express mate - congratulations!

SO happy for you. Finally a break! 😉

I find the support on here fantastic too. I have felt for years that I actually have people willing me to fail. Rooting for me to mess things up, so they can say 'i told you so, i told you you were no good'. Thats a very painful thing to have in your life, and personally, when things have gone wrong for me, Ive resented the satisfaction that those people have gotten from my failures. Ive felt that it proves them right when they say im no good.

I wonder if any of that feels familiar for you too?

On this forum, the power of everyone rooting for me, has helped protect me against those rooting against me.

I hope you are proud to have been a part of that for me.

High five ands!

f x

You can do it ands i know you can.

Ands

Absolutely delighted that you have had your first break in a long long time. As you put your last bet further and further in the past you will see more and more of these good things occurring. Obviously it takes a bit of time. It just never struck me how destroyed I was by gambling ( mentally , financially , emotionally and physically as well) until I stopped and looked at my position. It was mental. As I say , things only get better without it. Of course the whole emotional side is terribly difficult to address , but you will get there , just keep showing the enormous strength you have shown in the hardest month of your life. A month that would have broken many a man.

Keep relying on that great strength you have shown so far and you will thrive.

Take Care

Day 31, i will not gamble today.

After a sleepness night and a call from my mum, i now know my relationship with my mum/dad can never ever be salvaged, nor would i want it too. Ended up using the netline last night, when i told my mum about social services she went of on a very angry and hurtful tantrum down the phone at me. I ended up hanging up on her after some brutal exchanges of foul language and name calling. According to my mum i dont love my sons and i dont deserve to be a father. Like i said to her, she is so wrong and i have proved it, I from now on say f*** off to people in my life who cannot support me, i dont want them in my life anymore. I am not going to let this bother me, so i carry on and slowly i will get there. Going for an early walk down by the river this morning, boys up early and the sun is out.

Thankyou so much for all the posts and kind words, take care all. ands

Ands,

Good Morning to you and sorry to hear about your restless night. Why can't your family find it in their heart to just give you a break?

My dad is exactly the same, thinks I am a bad apple and treats me as a 2nd class citizen. Even though I hate him for this I still want his approval, he has bullied me mentally so much over the years that I think he has completely f****d my head up, I need some counselling too, I hope they are good!

Anyway, have a good day with your boys, it is up to you which path your life takes. You have proved your strength and determination to get through the hardest of periods, so onwards and upwards.

DT

Sorry to hear of the row with your family. Sometimes parents expect to much and that their off spring should do things their way. Well we know you love the boys and are a great Dad. Sure you let gambling get out of control, didn`t we all, to bad effect but that`s gone now.

Neither you, DT or anyone here are second class citizens. We suffered from compulsive gambling and we are doing something about it. We all need and deserve that second chance.

I will tell you something. When eventually my business was closed I had to use a lot of my inheritance from my late folks to pay off debt. That made me sick to the pit of my stomach. They had been elderly, decent hard working folk and here was hard earned money filling my own financial incompetence.

I believe that my Higher Power whom I call God stepped in. Gave me another chance in life and within a number of years I earned all that money back, plus more. I am so very grateful for that from the bottom of my heart. It enabled me to regain self respect and lose the feeling of being of so much self hatred.

I think many gamblers will say that given time, many good things can come along once we give up on the bet.

I am thinking about you and DT today.

Love ya man.

Hi Ands

As promised

http://www.phunkyfoods.co.uk/parents/cooking

Have fun....... that pinny will Sooooooooo look good on you !!!!

TC

Kim xxx

P.s I think your doing Great !!!

Hi Andy,

Good to talk in chat hope all is going well.

You asked whether GA works. For me I can categorically say it is the best thing I have done in the last 10 years of my life.

At first I joined Gamcare and sought help from here. I then realised I needed to do more to strengthen my resolve as I felt(wanted) to slip. I went to GA in St Albans and hated it. Looking back I can not see why I viewed it like that, it has been my absolute saviour. I still get help on here but nothing compares to GA for me. I now watch new members enter when they are facing the gates of hell , then with regular attendance(1-2 meetings a week) I see transformation in all. Of course some slip back but they return and they are better. GA tackles the emotional side in a completely non-judgemental approach which I found a delight and needed to enter my life in order to recover further.

Like I said it takes a bit to get used to it, but once you get into it you get stronger and stronger and stronger and the day or two after your meeting gambling has no thoughts in your life and you feel positive about the days ahead. My comments above are shared by thousands who attend GA.

Take Care

Hi ands,

I read your post about the phone call with your family. Try to put it to the back of your mind and move forward.......stick to your recovery and focus entirely on you and your boys. Block all that negativity ands.

I believe the greatest gift any of us can give to each other is forgiveness. We are all human, we all make mistakes in our lives, we all deserve a second go at this thing called life. Here is your second chance my friend and I have every faith you are going to give it your best shot......that's all you can do ands....your best.

Love from Jas xx

Ands,

I can imagine how painful it must have been to hear your Mum say those things about you as a father. I'm so sorry that happened to you - you didn't deserve that.

You said you didn't have a great childhood yourself, so I'm guessing that your Mum's opinion of what makes a good parent is not particularly valid.

A therapist once said to me that if you dont feel you were a great parent, and then you see your children doing a much better job than you did - it stings. It can really touch a raw nerve. Maybe your Mum is jealous of how great you are as a parent. When she compares your parenting to that of her own, perhaps it makes her feel guilty/like a bad person/inferior/insert your own word. Just a theory...

My best friend is always being undermined by her mother. I can honestly say hand on heart that my friend is a WONDERFUL parent. Her Mum on the other hand used to beat her and emotionally abuse her. I feel that what I described above, is exactly the reason her Mum is so critical with her.

My friend however, has very cleverly realised, that she cant trust her Mums opinion where parenting is concerned. She evaluates her parenting skills by how happy her children are, how socially confident they are, beautifully behaved, sensitive, articulate, loving - I could go on.

This is what you must do. If your boys go off the rails as teenagers when peer pressure rears its ugly head - you cant blame yourself for that. But please look at your boys now. Are they loving, kind, happy, well behaved, respectful little people? I'm guessing yes. YOU DID THAT.

Anyway, hope that sharing this experience has been some help to you.

Lots of love,

f x