the end of the road, a new start on the way

Hi ands,

good work mate, your last post in honest and sincere, i too have a Lil girl who deserves a gambling free dad, she can have one, if i don't gamble it is that simple. I know your emotions are up and down at the moment, but time will help, and your sons will notice the change.

keep going mate, be strong and keep posting it really can help.

green x

Hi again mate,

Just know these early days are the toughest, at least they were for me, the realization of the mistakes i made, the loss, the knowing i could no longer live my life as a gambler. We can't turn back time mate and the past really needs to be left there, the money the pain the sorrow.

sorry if this all sounds a bit depressing, What i'm trying to say is you have now made the choice to stop gambling, enjoy your family and live a normal life, as long as we wake up tomorrow and don't gamble we are on the right road. Things will improve your ups and downs emotionally will get less. Life will continue to have its 'moments' but without the gambling things do get much better.

all the best mate chin up and keep strong.

your doing great keep it up.

green x

Hi ands,

you are welcome 🙂

at the risk of sounding like a right goody - two - shoes I've found this weekend easy. Im doing good, bought myself some new shoes today, instead of heading for the bandits. They are only Primark ones like, but if I keep this up they can be from somewhere posher next time, lol.

You say sorry a lot. Your self-esteem seems really low. Keep an eye on it bud, it might pass fairly quickly but dont let it fester. If you are still this low in a couple of weeks, maybe see your GP? Sorry for going on! once a mental health worker, always a mental health worker! :-P

Stay strong,

f x

Hi Andrew

Well Done on 1 week. Be proud of your achievement. I am.

I have just read your dairy and I am glad you have found this site.

Emotions - yeah they're a buxxer to deal with aren't they.

Especially tough for a compulsive gambler....for years we ignore all the feelings, we escape to gambling to forget all the "real" stuff in our lives.

And then...we decide...enough is enough... I must stop gambling...I can't keep doing this.... my children need me to be gamble free.....

That may be the case and if the children are your motivator then that is great..we need a goal in our lives...but..... you need to want to stop gambling for yourself...

I can see you are determined to stop. Again that is great.

When I stopped gambling and had time for the first time to feel anything..... wow...it was like a train was hitting me..over and over again..... guilt, fear, shame, anger at myself..... yup, it was overwhelming...

I wrote all these feelings down..for some of my feelings I had to really think..I didn't know what feelings I was feeling. I had to try and give them a name to be able to wirte them down. But....feel them I had to ...

And guess what.... evey human being has these feelings.... us cg's just forgot about them or chose to ignore them....

And now we have stopped they cannot be ignored any longer.

Write them down here if it makes you feel better. Or start a journal if you think you can't possibly share some of the stuff here.

For me, writing all my issues down was kind of like putting it in front of me, looking at it, deciding it was junk I no longer wanted and then I threw it away.

One day at a time my friend. What has been ignored for years cannot be solved in a day. It will take years to sort through and throw away.

Keep sharing and stay safe.

God Bless

Charly

hi ands,

Sleepless nights were never a problem for me to be honest, i sleep to much sometimes, if I'm down my body just wants to stay in bed, hide away from life. Think the truth is mate some people can't sleep, some sleep to much, some worry about everything, some brush there problems under the carpet and pretend they don't exist, guess we all have different ways of coping with stress and emotions. The life of a gambler for me hid my emotions, the only thing i worried about was gambling, kinda blocked everything else out, then all of a sudden i decide to stop gambling and 'BOOM' i have all these emotions, no wonder really if i look back.

For me the key is learning to deal with life again, by that i mean living a life where gambling is no longer my priority, looking back it took me many weeks to even get the arcade out of my mind, i was snappy, like a dog who's bone had been taken away, i wanted it back!! in time i forgot where the bone was, and will only find it if i go looking for it, it's there i know it is, but if i leave it there long enough i will forget it was ever there.

We just need to re-programme our brains to deal with life and just like the dog and the bone eventually it will happen, and we won't even realize.

I hope this makes some kind of sense, I'm not the best with words, but hope you get what I'm trying to say, it's just going to take time.

well done must be a week for you now, be strong keep going mate.

green x

Ands

You have done a very brave thing today and I am enormously proud of you. You deserve every good thing that happens to you and your family from now on. Good things will happen to you my friend, because you have been honest about the things that are most difficult to be honest about.

Really rooting for you every day.

DT

Hi ands,

Your diary is yours mate, Whatever helps you in recovery helps you, and in my opinion even if it doesn't sound relevant to anyone else, it is to you or you wouldn't write it.

Pleased to here the good news on the boy's reports try to hold onto these things, i have know doubt your a decent bloke and a great dad, day by day start putting the past behind you look at the positives in your life like the boys, and don't gamble.

I know your previous post was from the heart mate, we have all felt that kind of emotion, it's good to let it out a little so well done.

keep strong mate.

green x

Dear ands......a big hug from Jas (((ands)))

We are only human, we are not invincible, we make mistakes.

Keep posting your feelings....it's a fantastic therapy.....get it off your chest.

You are doing really well ands...really well!

and....what a fabulous job you are doing in looking after your boys.

Jas x

First of all *big hug that squeezes so tight, almost knocks the air out of you*

Congratulations for the confessions you made at work, deserves a lot of respect. You are facing up to a lot at the moment, and it must be really scary.

Good on you ands. Thanks for telling us more about your situation. You must have a lot of difficult feelings, regarding your ex. Maybe a lot of anger? Ive a feeling you feel guilt, about your gambling causing her to go.

Sounds like you have a lot of strong emotions swirling around. Could your doctor refer you to counselling? If you live in a town or city where there is a MIND, they offer a free 'listening ear service'. MIND is a mental health charity, but you dont have to be diagnosed with an illness to use their services.

I dont think any less of you for what you have shared in your diary, if anything I feel a lot of respect for how brave and strong you are being.

Hope tomorrow is better for you.

And thats great news about the kids' school reports! Im made up for you mate.

Take care,

f x