the end of the road, a new start on the way

Still gamble free and feeling good, anti ds have been reduced again and the depression is lifting, counselling and some major changes in lifestyle have made a huge difference. I have 4 more sessions of counselling to go, and its hard and emotional but very worthwhile, the past is being put to bed and the future looms with some serious positiveness.....its good to be alive!!!!

love my boys, my diary and recovery is devoted to them, i have endless love for my sons..

This is the year ands becomes the man with balls, no more hiding behind fruit machines!

I look forward to the coming years of my life and will at some point walk down the street with my head held high.... i will be proud of myself!!!!!

take care, ands

Fantastic post ands,

I always follow your diary. You have showed such strength of character since starting your diary... Your Recovery.

You are an example to all, of what having the desire to stop gambling really means.

Never using or allowing yourself excuses to gamble. No matter how hard it may be at times for you personally, Ands.

You have never let go of why you set out on this path of recovery.

I know all this growth hasn't just happened... you have & are working very hard to achieve what you want for yourself, and your boys.

You are a brilliant example to your lads that although we can all make mistakes in our lives... the fact remains that while we breathe we are all able to turn our lives around and make them better.

It is good to hear of your updates Ands. I know you do it for you(as it should be) but you give so much hope to others walking their own paths of recovery. That if a person puts the work in that is needed to change, their gambling life & troubles become part of the past. Life is what you make it.

Just one thing... Why wait Ands... to hold your head up high down that street?

You should be proud of yourself now!

You may feel that you have further personal work to do on yourself and that I believe is always ongoing in each and everyone of us. But start practising that head high thing now my friend, it will feel good 😉 and why not.

Keep going with that positivity!

Jackie

Still gamble free and want to make a note on my diary, had my counselling today 3 sessions left and feeling good!

I left the gp surgery tonight not crying but smiling, my sons said to me "you look different" i said i am a happy lucky man......Its taken me nearly a year to get to this stage/chapter of my life and i no longer need to look back, i have done bad and quite disgusting things including stealing, lying and being a right b*****d! But i have confessed all and have lost many friends and my parents....But i truly understand there decisions and i take full responsibily for my behaviour. I have repayment plans on all debts and i have food, gas, electric no rent arrears and my sons and i no longer look like tramps!!!!

The key to my recovery is not just the barriers we all need to have in place but its sheer determination and wanting to rid my life of sh*tty gambling!

I can honestly say i was a bad, bad person but no longer, i have rejoined a society which i belong... when i walked home tonight i felt like tigger i have a bouce and no more chin down walking lol!!!!!

I am lucky because i have 2 lovely sons and nothing or no one will ever ever harm or hurt them in anyway... they are going to enjoy the rest of there childhoods in a loving. safe, sweet enviroment with there dad who will be the dad they deserve!

Its great to be alive, its great not to gamble, its great walking down the street with a smile on the face!!!

ands

Just a bit of love for ya Ands.

Good for you Ands, I am chuffed all is going well and you seem to be progressing at a rate of knotts. I am a strong believer in determination it is what gets me through the day that and shear hatred for gambling and what it turns good people into.

Keep it going pal, your the top man!

Cheers, Jim

ands,

I am crying now - thats normally your job!

It is so wonderful to hear you so happy. It seems like talking some things through has really helped you to move into a new positive phase - a tigger phase!

thanks for your best wishes on my diary, I am finding myself in happier places too 🙂

lots of love and a big high five! for you,

f x

Thanks for your posts!

Still gamble free and the year mark is looming on this forum, still only have had one slip in this time which was back in sept... Still get the odd urge to play those sh*tty machines but i have these well under control. Posting less and less now but still cant seem to break free from this forum, it has been my main support mechanisim throughout my recovery and i am so grateful to those who have supported me through some very dark times!!

Counselling sessions have now finished and in the next 4 wks i will be of the anti ds and will be on no medication.

Have my eating disorder under control and now only get weighed once a month, which im realy proud of myself....may sound nutty to some but eating was a major issue for me!!

Compulsive gambling turns us into very selfish, uncaring, cold hearted, brainless idiots!!

I choose not to gamble, ands...

Hey Ands,

Hope all is good, glad to hear you are doing well and have everything under control.... A year is a long time mate, well done. If I think back to the days before I gave up.... I feel so much better and am glad you are too. There are loads of things in my life which I have fixed since September, I could never have done it without giving up gambling.

All I am trying to say is we both know it's worth it but well done.

Have a great weekend.

Cheers Jim

Im so happy for you ands, you have come so far!

You sound like you like yourself a bit more now too, which makes me happy to see 🙂

Its wonderful to hear you say you are proud of what you have achieved - you should be!

Take care,

f x

10 days since my last post and thats another 10 days gamble free.

Work going well, boys are cool!

Of to Butlins in August for a week down in somerset, not the tropics but its a holiday and the boys will love it! My target is to save, save, save and pay all my debts (which wll take me approx 7 years to pay off) then take my boys of to America, and Disneyland..... Only if i never wasted all that money and time gambling, what a cabbage...But not anymore!!

Life is on the up in my little bubble and this time around gambling is not going to burst it, EVER.......

Thanks Freda and Jim for your posts... ands

Sending you love ( in a brotherly way, lol ) Ands.

Hi Ands.... just popping by to say hello, Minehead is pretty cool, I always had loads of fun in Butlins especially when I was a kid, you and the boys will have a great time im sure.

Thanks for the post on my diary, its good to hear from you.

Jim

Thanks for your posts....

A week since my last post and thats another week gamble free, have next week of work as it is half term. Realy looking forward to spending a week with my beautiful boys who are my world, gonna have some fun whatever the weather brings, no thoughts of gambling at all....The company of my sons is far better than the company of a lifeless machine...I was a bad person, but people can change, i have...I have some self respect and im honest now and it feels f*****g good!

til my next post, take care whoever reads this...ands

High five!!!!!!

f x

Hey Ands,

Thanks for popping by my diary, you must be looking forward to your week off, and I would be too.

I have tried to put the bad things I did behind me and just focus on the positive, the thing is I have come to the conclusion that I will forgive myself in time (never thought I would be able to say that) but I will never forget.

But gambling will not spoil another day of my life. Some skeletons may come out of the cupboard, as some people who are close to me don't know the scale of my problem but I will not receive any fresh wounds from gambling.

Top Man? It takes one to know one, nearly a year now mate that is a massive achivement. Well done Ands on all sorts of levels.

Jim