the end of the road, a new start on the way

Thanks Jim and Freda for your posts

Friday night boys asleep and had the urge to post on my diary!

The key to change is to let go of fear.

This was posted on my diary by a very good recovery buddy, Green.....How very true!

Oh i have not gambled and certainly will not be gambling tomorrow!

Funny realy i keep telling myself i dont miss my parents, but i do....My sons miss them too, asked me tonight if we seeing them this summer, i said it was unlikely! Have not heard from them in months and they have changed numbers, it was my sons 10th birthday a few months ago and they didnt even bother or at christmas.......

They can disown me but its kind cruel on my sons as i am the only family they have. Makes me feel so sad for my sons, knowing partly it is my fault but not completely!

Gambling, strips us raw from real emotion, takes our heart away and rational thinking evapourates. Guess the old cliche, we all have choices, we make our own destiny and our own problems, only ourselves can get us out the s**t we end up in.

We all have choices so tomorrow i choose not to gamble and enjoy the fun times with the 2 most important people in my life, my sons........LOVE THEM BOTH, always and forever.

Have good weekend whoever reads this and remember, be honest to yourself and those who care about you. Honesty, the main ingredient to recovery. ands

I really enjoyed your last post ands. You are a remarkable man. You have progressed so fast and so well in recovery, which takes a really special person to do.

i think when you come from a position where you feel so bad about yourself as you did, it is really strong to already be able to be honest like that.

I really like what you said about your parents not seeing your boys 'its partly my fault' exactly - not completely, but you are still happy to be honest about whatever wrongs you did in the past.

I just hear strength, happiness and confidence in everything you write lately. its awesome 😀

Hope you had a great week with your boys at half term. They are very lucky to have a dad like you - and I mean that sincerely. Sounds a bit daft as Ive never met you, but I think on this forum you get to know a person quite intimately because of what gets shared.

Anyway, im rambling so bye for now!

Take care,

f x

Thanks Freda

Another week complete and another week gamble free. No thoughts or urges to gamble, have had a great week of work and had some fun with my boys, back to work monday and next hols in august!

Went Southend on thursday, all those arcades along the seafront but i did not go in any of them, so chuffed with myself!!! Boys and i done some crab fishing, had ice cream fight, lol and had a realy nice day!

Am no longer on the anti ds and feel content and my mood is stable. Have regrets but who doesn't??? Cant turn the clock back and even if i could i would not want too!

As for family cant change that, so on i plod with a little smile on my face and ready for the challenges life has to throw at me..

To all those in there early days of recovery it is a struggle but with determination and the sheer will to *** this addiction it can be done, gambling sucks!!!

Love my boys forever and i will be the dad they deserve, the dad they can rely on, the dad who will love them unconditionally, the dad who will provide a safe comfortable home, the dad who will listen to all there problems, the dad who will never ever turn there back on them.....I am a very lucky man to have 2 beautiful, caring, adorable, funny, sweet, sensitive and sometimes very loud sons who drive my nuts, lol!!

Enjoy the sun, i intend too!

no more tears, depression and self loathing.

take care... ands

Hi there ands, well done mate you should be so proud of YOU, I know I'm proud of what you have achieved.

have a great weekend with your kids, its a beautiful day for it.

Love

W xx

Hi Ands,

Great to hear you had good time off, must be nice being so close to your kids.

Well done mate.

Thanks for everyting, Jim

Hi Ands,

Thanks for posting on my diary and may I say what a great last post on your own recovery diary. It's great to see how happy you are ands...you and your boys really deserve it.

Love from Jas xx

Hi Ands,

Yep u got me, guess I ust have been stalking you lol

Made me smile the other morning.

W xx

Hi Ands

Good to chat tonight and thanks for the post, appreciated. If you find time to read my diary in more detail and have any further thoughts, please let me know.

Best wishes in your own recovery.

Still gamble free, feeling kinda cool, have weekend round a very good old friends house...Forgiveness, took her nearly a year but we are now talking again and sooo looking forward to seeing her. guess it must be my good youthful looks and charm, lol!

Lifes defo on the up and im chuffed, no thoughts or urges to gamble.

Have good weekend whoever reads this... ands

Another nice post. You are doing so well.

My Gamcare top bloke.........

Keep going Ands , pay no attention to Graham

Your doing GREAT !!!! LOL

Enjoy the weekend with those precious boys of yours.

TC

Kim xx

Hi Ands,

What can i say... continuing to do great.. one day at a time! 🙂 An inspriation... S.A

Thanks for your posts!!

Bad weekend!

Forgiveness HATE that f*****g word!!!!!!

Want to gamble, urges bad today, not had them for a while!

Ands will not gamble today........fruit machines/scratch cards can see them when i close my eyes,

I will not gamble today!

Great stuff Ands, enjoy the fruits of all the hard work 🙂

take care

W xx

Hi, Ands - been reading your diary. keep strong, you're doing so well

Can identify with you seeing scratch cards and fruities when you close your eyes.

I used to see cards, poker hands and flops being dealt to suit my hand. It used to be in my head all the time, when I closed my eyes to go to sleep that's what I saw. So I even dreamt of poker.

The more you are doing other things and thinking of other things, these images will fade.

I go to bed now and my mind is free to think my own thoughts and I try to make them positive.

Her's to your mind and mind eye becoming your own again

All the best to you

Lili x