the end of the road, a new start on the way

Hi ands

You have a difficult week ahead that's for sure, but with your head clear of gambling you will be able to focus on what you have to do.

Today you are not gambling and that's the important thing.

Every day that you don't I am sure that things will get better for you.

For me the consequences of my gambling are at the moment purely financial wreckage. For you it is more than that but you have recognised it and you will come through this.

Try to keep being positive - by next weekend I hope that the outlook for you is much better.

You have many people on here who are with you all the way.

Best

David

Hi ands

You have a difficult week ahead that's for sure, but with your head clear of gambling you will be able to focus on what you have to do.

Today you are not gambling and that's the important thing.

Every day that you don't I am sure that things will get better for you.

For me the consequences of my gambling are at the moment purely financial wreckage. For you it is more than that but you have recognised it and you will come through this.

Try to keep being positive - by next weekend I hope that the outlook for you is much better.

You have many people on here who are with you all the way.

Best

David

Hi there buddy. Great you came along to the Safe Harbor meeting. Listen to some of the other folks with a lot of clean time who hang out there. I think you will find help from them. Thanks for introducing yourself, we ain`t a bad bunch there:).

I sort of quit now, I guess 10 years ago, a rock bottom time but I used to have little slips. People ask why I still use Gamcare. Well it`s the same as chairing in SH. I am sharing that recovery. It`s guys like you and all my other friends in these rooms/ forums that help to keep me clean.

Fruit machines. my downfall. Although I am a long way from a bet, the interest is there, guess it always will, but by connecting in this way, I keep clean. My recovery, I am giving away. It`s no big deal. It is doing on line gambling support and I humbly say if it helps others, it sure helps me.

The last 12 days have felt like 12 weeks, but i have not gambled, lied or stole. I have been honest and true to my words, I have cut my credit cards up tonight and have my bank card and £35.68 in cash. This money will last me all week as i pay childeminder by cheque and have a travel card. I have put my bank card in the bottom of my wardrobe. i do not need to go near any cash machine.

Weather not great today so we made pizzas and cuddled up on sofa all afternoon, it was nice then i read shrek 2 to my boys (my youngests favourite,he loves shrek....... im a skinny version lol! Big ears and bad breath lol!

On monday i am going to go work, then straight to childminders then home by 5pm

I am not going to go in arcade i am not going to gamble, Two weeks on monday and now i know this realy is only the tip of iceberg, i can never gamble again ever......

Life is full of priorities and my sons are top of that list from now on, followed by work. I am scared shitless but children are living, flesh and blood and have hearts, what do fruit machines have compared to that???f*** ALL...

Grahan, thank you for your invite on your website and chat rooms, at the moment i am just not ready to use it. I am grateful and know the good it is doing sorry its just not me. I do hope i have not affended you in anyway.

ands

Day 13. i am not going to gamble today, not slept too good. Up before my boys this morning, hopefully the weather will improve so we can get down the park for a kick about. Monday tomorrow, be 2 weeks then since my last gamble, but as i said in my previous posting this is just the start. Nervous about work tomorrow amd i have to hold it together. Have money now and bank card but i do not have any urges to gamble.

Best wishes to you all. ands

Ands, of course I am not offended:). I think some folk find the " formal " meeting a bit daunting. I very much understand that. Although the chat room is always open and follows the informality of Gamcare it is a bit hit and miss due to the time differences, the site is hosted in the USA and therefore attracts people from a different time zone.

I am trying to establish a time when folk know that someone will be in the room to chat informally.

I am working on changing the way that the Saturday meeting works so there can be more feedback. I am guessing that would be a bit more appealing to you. I may be wrong.

Do pop into SH chat. There are many there who have a lot of recovery time and would certainly like to help and support you.

My best wishes to you and will, no doubt, speak soon.

Ands, im so glad you are still managing to steer clear. Its hard enough to steer clear when things are going well, nevermind when everything seems to be going wrong.

You seem to be using the words 'never ever' a lot at the moment... that shows a determined resolve, but is also a lot of pressure. I find when things in my life are particularly difficult, I have to go back to one day at a time - I will not gamble today. You are under so much pressure at the moment, that you are bound to feel vulnerable, tired and insecure. When you are in that frame of mind, thinking in terms of resisting the arcade FOREVER can seem too hard and daunting - does that make sense?

Tomorrow will be tough for you, returning after last weeks events - so please try to just focus on the day, and not the future beyond that.

Im so full of admiration and happiness for you, that you've coped with a lot of raw emotion this week - and all without a bet.

High five! lol x

Day 13 draws to a close and i have not gambled today.

Hi mate,

well done on the 13 days gamble free, your doing so well especially as i know you have a lot on your mind at the moment.

Just popping in to let you know i will be thinking of you this week and hope all go's well, your getting through the toughest part with the gambling and i hope you can see a little progress in these tough times.

Stay strong this week and keep posting.

green x

Day 14, i will not gamble today, first day back at work since being sent home last week. Very nervous this morning and have not slept too good, but today i will be 2 weeks gamble free and that sounds and feels f*****g good. I know its only a start but its a good start fpr me.

Good luck to you all and thank you for your support. ands

Hi Andrew

Hope all goes well at work today. I have just read your whole diary in one go. I am a regular poster on here but my laptop has been in for repair the last two weeks so missed your intro.

Hope things are improving, if ever there was an example of One Day at a time then yours is it. You will be surprised how quickly the days build up by adopting that approach to life. I am now on day 132, and I can tell you that I went through all the sick feelings, the guilt , the sleeplessness, the inability to think of food when obviously starving. All these negative emotions are there in the early days but life does improve the further you distance yourself from gambling. Looking back I saw the emotions of the first month off as a sort of cleansing process, a ridding myself of the likes of sleelessness , guilt , nausea, all feelings I had when gambling.

Then all of a sudden you start to forgive yourself a little , you get a grip , lay the past in the past and move on. You continue to NOT gamble and ever so slowly you start to like yourself again. Once you accept the past is the past , you start to really love the present and at times even make the odd plan for the future. You will get there but it will take time and effort and you are so determined , just keep it up and the good things will follow.

Hi Ands,

Thinking of you today buddy, hope all goes ok at work and well done on your 14 days. You are a lot stronger than you think.

DT

Hi Andrew

Hope today is going well for you.

Congrats on 2 weeks. Well Done.

Thinking of you

God Bless

Charly

You made it to a fortnight, yay! You wont be feeling this bad a fortnight from now, promise!

Hope work went ok, just get through one day at a time matey.

Thinking of you,

Freda x